Is happiness a puzzle you've been trying to solve? Let's unravel the mystery together. On today's episode of What's On Your Bookshelf, Denise and Sam dive headfirst into the science of happiness, dissecting the fascinating research that goes beyond the surface of joy and positivity. Uncover the secrets of the art of well-being and see how understanding this can lead us to evolve into the best version of ourselves.
Ever wondered if you could architect your own state of happiness? Our conversation today takes a turn as we question the possibility of constructing and maintaining happiness in our lives. We'll explore how traditional psychology attempts to root out problems by delving into the past and compare that with the forward-looking approach of positive psychology. You'll discover how fostering ease, positivity, and order can help shape a happier life. And as we navigate the complex balance of happiness and suffering, you'll see how both contribute significantly to our overall well-being.
Happiness is not a one-size-fits-all formula; it is influenced by a multitude of factors. Join us as we delve into the pie chart theory of happiness, which suggests that our happiness is a blend of genetics, current circumstances, and most importantly, our intentional activities. We'll share the seven habits that naturally happy people practice, including the power of nurturing relationships, expressing gratitude, and incorporating physical exercise into daily routines. It's time to take control and unlock your potential for happiness! Tune in for an enlightening journey towards a joyful life.
Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.
Is happiness a puzzle you've been trying to solve? Let's unravel the mystery together. On today's episode of What's On Your Bookshelf, Denise and Sam dive headfirst into the science of happiness, dissecting the fascinating research that goes beyond the surface of joy and positivity. Uncover the secrets of the art of well-being and see how understanding this can lead us to evolve into the best version of ourselves.
Ever wondered if you could architect your own state of happiness? Our conversation today takes a turn as we question the possibility of constructing and maintaining happiness in our lives. We'll explore how traditional psychology attempts to root out problems by delving into the past and compare that with the forward-looking approach of positive psychology. You'll discover how fostering ease, positivity, and order can help shape a happier life. And as we navigate the complex balance of happiness and suffering, you'll see how both contribute significantly to our overall well-being.
Happiness is not a one-size-fits-all formula; it is influenced by a multitude of factors. Join us as we delve into the pie chart theory of happiness, which suggests that our happiness is a blend of genetics, current circumstances, and most importantly, our intentional activities. We'll share the seven habits that naturally happy people practice, including the power of nurturing relationships, expressing gratitude, and incorporating physical exercise into daily routines. It's time to take control and unlock your potential for happiness! Tune in for an enlightening journey towards a joyful life.
Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.
Welcome to what's On your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:
Hi everybody, welcome back to another episode of what's On your Bookshelf. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today with my friend, sam Powell, and we are so happy that you are joining us this year 2024 for our series, which is all about happiness, and I'm really happy to be here with you today, sam, how are you doing I?
Speaker 1:
am super happy to be here today with you too. I'll have you know. So I have this little calendar on my desk and today the quote on it is be happy not because everything is good, but because you can see the good in everything. So I love that. That was the quote on the first day of our happiness. 2024 kickoff.
Speaker 2:
Oh, I love that. I love that, and it really is about your mindset, and that's what we're going to be talking about throughout this whole next several episode series. So last week, if you missed our episode, sam and I walked through the progress of the books that we plan to go through for the rest of this year. We talked about why we chose this topic, and today we actually are kicking off the first of the books, and so the book that we're talking about now for the next several weeks is this book the how of happiness. Well, my lighting on my camera is kind of weird if you're looking on the room. Thank you, sam, you're as better. So the how of happiness.
Speaker 2:
This is a really awesome book. It's the new approach to getting the life you want, but it's actually not so new. A lot of what the author talks about in this book comes from science, it comes from data, comes from tons of research, and what I really loved about this book, as we're starting to walk through it together, is that it's based on things that are sound that we just don't seem to commonly apply. So, sam, I know that for you that you've read through the book we're not reading it exactly together. We're in our own homes reading and I'm curious about maybe some of your thoughts as you picked up this book, because I had already read it. It was brand new to you. What were some of your thoughts as you got started with this one?
Speaker 1:
It's. I had a similar feeling to when I started Atomic Habits of like I think this one's going to be one of those ones that sets the trajectory of my life a little bit differently than what it's on now. I mean, I am a default happy person in general, but there's still just something about this book to really be able to conceptualize it and look at it from the scientific standpoint. It's going to be something really like I just I love getting to that deeper understanding of a topic like happiness, like those I don't know, like our emotions and our feelings. So I'm super excited about like that was my as I'm reading this and especially as I read the introduction and the part one and got really got into what this book is all about and what happiness is all about.
Speaker 1:
I don't know. I think my life will be on a better trajectory at the end of this journey than it is now, which is great because I already felt like I pivoted with Atomic Habits. So like this feels like oh yeah, where are we coming? Where are we coming? The best version of Sam here, book by book.
Speaker 2:
I am 100% agree. One of the things that I love that I'm just going to call her Dr Sanja, because, friends, I'm not really sure how to say her last name properly.
Speaker 1:
I googled it. All right, I looked up a video like an interview with her.
Speaker 2:
It's Sonya Lubomirsky, lubomirsky.
Speaker 1:
Okay, sonya yeah.
Speaker 2:
All right, well, I'm going to still stick with Dr Sonya then. I think that's going to be easiest for me. I think that's perfect. So this author wow, super, amazingly smart. She actually wrote this book and did the research when she had a brand new baby and one bacon in her belly, and so the book is not brand new. But she also walks through some things that are that might sound somewhat brand new to some of our listeners.
Speaker 2:
One of the things that she says I don't think any of us would disagree with, which is that all of us want to be happy, yet few of us truly appreciate how much we can improve our happiness and know precisely how to do it.
Speaker 2:
So this book is not just about a feel good book. It's not just like one of these books that you might get from some kind of motivational self-help speaker. This is from a scientist, a psychologist, somebody who spent her life on the science of well-being, and so I'm really looking forward to learning that part of it. I sit kind of more on the nerdy side and I like the scientific study of happiness and well-being, and so for me, I'm really excited to share some of the principles and the solutions that she walks through that are super practical. They're just things that we don't commonly apply and, sam, it really made me feel like over reading this first chapter about all the things that you taught and explored with us through atomic habits, because it was the same thing Lots of common sense things that you just need to do day after day with consistency in order to create good or get rid of bad habits of your life.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and she says something just in the forward, before we even get to chapter one, where she says enjoying a real increase in your own happiness is in fact attainable if you are prepared to do the work. If you make a decision to be happier in your life and you understand that this is a weighty decision that will take effort, commitment and a certain amount of discipline, know that you can make it happen. And I like that coming right off the tail of atomic habits. Right, because that's the like. How do you do it? Right? How do you commit to this new identity? I want to be a happy person. I mean, that's an identity I carry with me already, but I would like to be an even happier version of my happy self. And so, like, what does that look like? In knowing that it is going to take some work, it is going to take commitment, and we already know that those little changes, those little, you know, those little things that we do, can make really big differences. And this is, like you said, really kind of saying the same thing.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, you know it's interesting as we go through this process with the books that we're picking, because you and I are business coaches and we teach leadership development principles, and yet all of it is really about how to have a holistic and well-rounded life.
Speaker 2:
I often talk about how there's really no such thing as work-life balance.
Speaker 2:
You have a life, work is part of it, and you just need to find the balance in your life in general, and so one of the things that that Sonia discusses is that the research that she and the other doctors went through and either uncovered or conducted themselves was about that happiness will not only just make you feel better, but it'll give you a boost in energy, creativity you're a Muyun system it'll foster better relationships, it will increase higher levels of productivity at work and it will even lead to a longer life. So, when you think of this through the lens of quality organizational and talent management strategies, why would you not, as a business, want to invest in things like positive intelligence, emotional intelligence, the science of happiness? Because all of those things contribute to a healthier environment at work, which leads to productivity, which leads to profitability, which leads to your customer success, and whatever your ultimate goals are in business, yeah, absolutely yeah, and there's so much research now out there about how the well-being of your employees, the well-being of people in general, results in all of that.
Speaker 1:
Right, it results in what you're saying and she touches on that right from the beginning here. But there's a ton, a ton, a ton of research out there and I think the better companies in the world, the ones that are really focused on people, are doing, are trying to do the things that help people and focus on what makes people happy and what brings well-being.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, a book is not going to change you. Reading a book is not going to change you. Going to a one-hour class on this topic is not going to permanently change you. You're going to even learn throughout this book that the things we often seek after to give us happiness only give us short-term satisfaction, but not long-term results. It's the same thing. So if you're listening to this and you are someone who is either a leader in your business or maybe you're the person that oversees even your learning function, this is not a simple prescription of just read a book and suddenly people are happier. Or teach a class and suddenly you have higher profitability through happy people.
Speaker 2:
This is about these tiny things that happen over time, like James Clear said, the tiny things that bring us remarkable results, but they have to be consistently applied. One of the things that Sonja talks about in the book is that 40% of our joy is within our control, so maybe the starting point is to help people understand what is that baseline that we all have. There was some really interesting research about this in the book, but this is not a new age book. This is actually an old age book in some ways, to say that there's a set point that we all start from, but that happiness ultimately is a choice and it's a lifelong endeavor, because happiness is not based on your circumstances, it's not based on how much money you have, it's not based on the title that you have at work, it's not even based on where you live. She gave some great examples even of different people that she interviewed that came from lots of different variability in their either life's age, their life, from their socioeconomic status and even their life from where they lived across the globe.
Speaker 2:
I remember one time not too long ago maybe about, I don't know, 12 years ago or so I had a manager and he said to me we were forming a fairly new team and so we're trying to come up with.
Speaker 2:
You know what were my metrics as the leader and what really was my goal?
Speaker 2:
And he said your objective is to make your team happy.
Speaker 2:
And I sat with that for a really long time because I thought I can't make anybody happy. And, true enough, I couldn't make them happy, but I could create an environment where it would have been easiest for them to find things like their passion's potential and purpose and the things that we talk about with school of thoughts, and so I don't think that you can ever make somebody else happy you can't even really make yourself happy but you can learn what things are within your control that drive happiness, and so when I started reading this first chapter, I was thinking about that manager that I had, because that was the goal that he set for me and, interestingly enough, that was one of the best teams that I've ever worked with, and I don't think that I made them happy. I think that being with them and being around them made me happy, and so maybe there was a little bit of truth to that that what you decide to do to sustain your happiness comes from not just what you do, but who you are and who you surround yourself with.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think there's like this underlying theme in a lot of, you know, in a lot of this is you know, it's really around connection and contentment. Right, like, regardless of circumstances, regardless of what's going on. It's what are you doing that's bringing you contentment? That's bringing you, you know, connection to other people. It's interesting she talks about, right then. So in this first chapter, this is the question of is it possible to become happier?
Speaker 1:
I absolutely love the quote from the beginning. I think I'm going to like frame it. But to change one's life, start immediately, do it flamboyantly, no exceptions. It's William James, I loved that. But she talks about even the phrases right, so we called this year the pursuit of happiness and she actually said no, no, no, I don't like that phrase and I was like well, dang it. No, we got it wrong right from the beginning. But she said she prefers to think of it as the creation or construction of happiness. I loved that. Right Like it's not that we're pursuing some goal of happiness, right, and this is like this harkens back to.
Speaker 1:
You know, james clears right Like we're not getting to some finish line. And John John Maxwell talks about this too. Of like, people will live on this island of like someday I'll right, like I'll get, I'll be happy when I'll see this, when I'll do whatever. So it's not that we're pursuing this nirvana state of happiness that you have to get to. It's that we're constructing a life, we're constructing our days, we're constructing activities of happiness, right, it's that it's like really famous quote about like it's not the journey or it's not the destination, it's the journey, right, and like I just I love that idea of you know we're not pursuing an end goal.
Speaker 1:
This is where you know, this is what I didn't like about James. Or he's like throw your goals out the window. Not really, you know it was. It's that you've got to be doing this, day in, day out. You've got to be taking the activities, you've got to be taking the action that makes you happy. It's there's no end state to happiness. There is. I am happy as I'm pursuing, as I'm, you know, moving through life.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I think that it's important that when we're talking about this pursuit, that we not picture that it's this elusive thing that's running away from us. It's this thing that is actually seeking us, and so, with her book, she talks about how this is. This is basically a scientific approach to the how to achieve and sustain happiness, because achieving it she talks about how you can achieve something you think will bring you happy money, fame, beauty, power, whatever that short lived and it actually turns out that those things don't bring you happiness. But this also talks about not just achieving it but sustaining it, which is that other element of well, how do you keep that going long term in your life? And so she gave a question that I really sat in as I was starting to read the book, which is how do you make your life more fulfilling, how do you make your life more productive, how do you make your life more enjoyable? And for each of us it's going to be different. Some people may have joy when they're doing something quiet, or maybe they get their happiness when they are away from work, and yet other people like to be around lots of crowds or busyness, or they like work, or people like the cold weather, Some people like the warm weather, and so, for each person, the contrast of how you get to your sense of happiness.
Speaker 2:
It might be different, but it got me to thinking about one thing that she didn't really go too deep into but I love that she did it and I'll share why she did it which is that there's a contrast to happiness which is suffering. So the opposite of happiness is people who feel empty or unfulfilled, or they lack peace, or they lack security or, better said, maybe they're insecure people. And so when she was sort of describing it, she was saying that the traditional psychology, or you could say therapy, is looking at people that have a problem and they just look at their past to try to dissect the past. But positive intelligence and this well-being of happiness and this sort of newer approach I guess you could say newer within the last couple of decades is the approach of looking forward. So not that you can't look backwards, but you can't stay stuck.
Speaker 2:
And if you want something different we also talk about this a lot, don't we, Sam? Where if you want a different outcome in your life, you have to look at the actions that brought you there or the inactions that didn't bring you to where you want to be, and those things start from our beliefs around different things, which all start as our thoughts. And so she does go into talking about how psychology traditional psychology are, I think, disses they talk about a disease or disorder or the negative, but this is rather taking off the dis, which is about how do you achieve ease, how do you achieve order, how do you achieve positive, not negative? And so I think that's, for me, one of the things I really have embraced and loved starting this book, because it comes from truly a positive angle. If you want to become happier, then you focus on the things that are positive, not harbor, and only focus on the things that are negative, because removing negative versus improving your already state of positive, it's harder to do the first thing.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, it sort of reminds me like and you know, this is the field of positive psychology, right, which, like you said, emerges in the last 20, 30 years here, and it's the flip side, too, to what you think of as like traditional psychology at this point right, where we're healing what is, you know, maybe wrong or hurt or broken or you know whatever inside of us.
Speaker 1:
This is the, what takes us beyond that, what moves us from maybe neutral into, you know, the more positive frames of mind.
Speaker 1:
This reminds me sort of like the difference of, you know, I have a friend yesterday asked me like I don't know if I need a therapist or if I need a coach. It's like, well, if you touch something and it hurts, you need a therapist, right. If you've got a pattern of behavior that you can't seem to heal and move past, right, and it's painful when you get close to it, that's what therapy is for, right. It's about kind of that traditional psychology aspect of really healing yourself so that you can live in a, you know, neutral, positive state. If you're in a neutral, positive state, right, that's where coaching comes into play, and so that's why the feel of like positive psychology is sort of the basis of coaching when we think about it, and that's that was what I thought of when we were looking at, like, the difference, you know, between those two things which I know, like you and I talk about all the time because we're both coaches.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it's super interesting what you're saying, because it's like you just described that the therapy side is healing something that's broken. So if you think about you, you break a bone, you go to the doctor to get that reset and to heal over time maybe you go to physical therapy. For that Coaching is like you are not broken, but you want to get stronger. So you go to a gym to take your sort of weaker muscles they're not broken muscles, but they can get stronger through the aid of someone guiding you through the right exercises and so one of the things that I really loved that this scientist, this doctor, talked about, which is that for major change to happen in your life, a break with the status quo must be achieved.
Speaker 2:
So she focuses on where are you right now and how do we move you forward? It's a question we even ask in coaching at the beginning of every session where are you right now and where do you want to be by the end of this hour together? Or where do you want to be by the end of our sessions together? Where do you want to be by the end of the year or whatever that target number is, and it doesn't mean that you are already have the solution to get to the end, but that coaching is going to help you pave that pathway and it kind of goes back to what you were saying about this being a journey and enjoying the process and the journey. But in the journey it proposes that you're moving forward. You're never turning around and moving backwards.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, absolutely. One of my coaching certifications is a happiness coach. Like, it is a happiness coaching which is really interesting. But I thought the thing that struck me is really different, right in the outset of this book and in this chapter, and I think then this sets the tone for really everything. Moving forward is her pie chart and this is the answer of like, what determines happiness? Because the question of this chapter is is it possible to become happier? The answer is yes, and it's yes because what determines happiness? And she's got this broken down into three categories 50% is a happiness set point and this is a.
Speaker 1:
It originates from like, our biology, our genetics, our baseline for potential happiness, to which we are bound to return, even after major setbacks or major triumphs. That's 40,. 50% is a set point. You are who you are. This is your default settings, these are your genetics that you're working with. 10% is circumstance. So this is what's happening to you at any given time, which I thought was super interesting. Only 10% is your circumstance, and we spend so much effort and energy trying to adjust our circumstances and then wonder why we're not happy, but it's only 10% of what makes someone happy. And then 40%, 40%, which is the whole point of this book is intentional activity. When you read that pie chart, like this was. I struggled with this pie chart through the entire first part of this book and then finally, by the time we get to chapter three, I had some breakthroughs, which was good. But when you read that for the first time, what did you think about that? 50, 40, 10?
Speaker 2:
breakdown. I loved the pie chart because for me, it said that, no matter your life circumstances, that's not the key to your happiness, and that you can rise above or move around those circumstances in your life. And so if there was a secret to happiness, it isn't that our genetics or circumstances are the key, the genetics you can't do anything about. There's a baseline set point, and if you read the book, you'll even read where she studied twins and the genetic makeup of different human beings have different set points. She studied people that lived in the same location in different locations. Your genetics are who you are. Your circumstances are outside of your control, sometimes most of the time, 10% of it relates to your happiness, but it is in our control to look at our daily intentions, our activities. That's what's within our control, and so it's in what we do and how we think that improves and sustains our happiness in life. And so we need to be very careful to scrutinize what are the behaviors and the thoughts, the people that we surround ourselves with, the environments that we put ourselves in. And so she studies what make very happy people naturally and habitually engage in different kinds of activities. And I know we're almost out of time for today, so I thought what I would do. Maybe you just cover very quickly what are seven things that naturally abundantly happy people do, because this is going to be the starting point for you as listeners and for us as the hosts of the show to walk through what are the things that resonate the most with us. So one thing that she says is that the habitual happy people naturally devote a great deal of time to their family and their friends and they nurture relationships and they enjoy relationships. So that's number one. That was number one family and friends and relationships. Number two was that they're comfortable expressing gratitude for all they have in life. So this is a really easy one. You could stop right now and just think of one thing that you're grateful for today, and if you're having a hard time thinking of even just one thing, there's one very natural thing it's that you're listening to the show, breathing and you are alive and it's better to be above ground. So that's number two is that expressing gratitude for all that you have in life, even the things that maybe sometimes make it hard to feel grateful.
Speaker 2:
Number three is that they're often first at offering a helping hand to people that are in need, whether that's a coworker, a passerby Like how many times have you ever been somewhere and you're walking and there's trash on the ground, do you step over it or do you pick it up? If you see somebody that is in the store, maybe struggling to reach something on a shelf, do you help them or do you just walk around or pass them? If there's somebody at work that really is challenged by something, do you offer a lending hand or do you just say, well, that's on them, because that's not my job? Naturally, happy people are often the first at offering a helping hand.
Speaker 2:
Number four is that they practice optimism when imagining their futures. So this again hearkens back to you know, in psychology and therapy. Is it looking back at the past of something that's not positive versus being optimistic and imagining a future that can be different? But looking at it from what we like to call the what if with the exclamation mark, not a what if with a question mark. Number five is they savor life's pleasures and try to live in the present moment. Simple things. We actually had a retreat last year that Sam and I hosted, and there'll be another one sometime this year, but one of the things we did was we had a session on mindful eating and it was about savoring simple things like, even if you take just a sip of water, could you look at that in a way you've never looked at it before? Like, take a look at the ice cubes in your drink, if you like ice in your drink, or imagine the surroundings and the smells of the things that you're eating. And so they savor life's little pleasures.
Speaker 2:
The next one, number six, is that they make physical exercise a daily or weekly habit.
Speaker 2:
That one is tough for me because I often find myself getting distracted or busy doing other things. But, sam, you really taught me through atomic habits how important it is to not just have that exercise machine or weights there, but to verbally say I am a person that I want to be known as, a person that is healthy, not just a person that exercises. But what's the result of exercise? And in this case, the result of physical exercise is the result of happiness. The last one, as we wrap up the list, is that they're deeply committed to lifelong goals and ambitions, and for me, this is the reason we created this podcast. This is the reason that we coach, this is the reason we host our signature story retreats. It's so that we can be committed to continuous learning and a pursuit of something in life that drives us closer to our passions, elevates our potential and really digs deeper into our purpose in life. So with that, sam, I'm gonna pass it back over to you for maybe, some closing thoughts on this first episode of the how of Happiness.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I'm interested. You skipped the last one. There were eight, not seven. The eighth one which, like, I'm interested in why you skipped it? Right, Because the last one is they may become, you know, happiest. People do have their share of stresses, crises and even tragedies. They may become just as distressed and emotional in circumstances as you or I, but their secret weapon is poise and strength they show in coping in the face of challenge, which you have personally done in big ways. But you skipped it. Why'd you skip?
Speaker 2:
that one. I skipped it because I looked at the clock and I said to Sam before we started this episode friends, I knew we would run out of time for chapter one. I probably have 10 more pages of notes just on chapter one. So I really wanna encourage you if you don't have a copy of this book, please Go find it at your local bookstore or go buy it online somewhere, or even in a stand-up bookstore, if they still have those in the area where you live. That one is really, frankly, the most important one to me, but I was looking at the clock, so let's see this in our upcoming episodes.
Speaker 2:
We are going to dig a little bit deeper into that. We're going to describe that how, by choosing a happiness Boosting strategies, the things that dr Sonia describes in the book. These are things that what I love about the book is it's not a. It's not a one-size-fits-all. This is a personalized prescription because it's based on your individual personality, your strengths, your goals, your current situation, and you will be able, throughout this process just like we will be able to do this hold your own reins To your own happiness, based on your own unique values, interests, your own needs and once you learn the activities Sam mentioned about chapter 3, which will come up in a couple episodes.
Speaker 2:
You'll learn what's best for you, and Once you do that, dr Sonia says you're halfway there. And that's still only the very first section of this book. Now, this book is not Going to just give us the easy answers. Like she says on every page, this is going to take hard work and effort. Just the same as atomic habits took hard work and effort, pursuing happiness takes work. But this, I hope, for you has been a good use of your time listening with us today, sam.
Speaker 1:
Any final thoughts before we close up for today I think the only final thought right is that this was the is it possible to become happier? And she starts off with 40% of what makes you happy is completely within your control, and so I'm super excited to explore how we Take back control of that 40%. So very, very excited to keep doing this with you.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, next week we're going to dive into how happy are you and why so. We hope you'll join us. Please subscribe, and even better, if you will share this with others that could get value from it. And if you are getting value from it, would you let us know? We'd love to hear comments from you and you can share that. Scott will put in the show notes ways for you to reach us. Thanks for joining us today. My name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, thanks for being here for what's on your bookshelf.