What if you had the power to build your own roadmap to happiness? Let's embark on this journey together! Hosts, Denise Russo and Samantha Powell dissect "The How of Happiness", offering you an incredible spectrum of twelve happiness strategies to personalize your joy journey. A crucial insight from our discussion is the connection between these happiness strategies and our previous talk about atomic habits. Here's a sneak peek - it's all about embracing action and cultivating habits leading to a joyful existence.
Surprisingly, happiness isn't all about chasing external factors like fame, beauty, and wealth! As we dive into the world of hedonic adaptation, we'll discover the double-edged sword of our human adaptability. While it serves us, it also leaves us yearning for more. We'll also tackle the concept of an infinite game, where the goal isn't reaching a final destination but a continuous participation. Our discussion is set to reshape your perception of happiness - it's a journey, not a destination.
But how do you uncover genuine strategies to happiness? A distinctive exercise on self-discovery, we've sorted out three ways to unearth these strategies: aligning them with the source of unhappiness, our strengths and our lifestyle. We'll further explore twelve scientifically-proven strategies to elevate your happiness level and offer practical advice on integrating them into your daily life. So, step right in, let's light up your path to a more joy-filled life!
Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.
What if you had the power to build your own roadmap to happiness? Let's embark on this journey together! Hosts, Denise Russo and Samantha Powell dissect "The How of Happiness", offering you an incredible spectrum of twelve happiness strategies to personalize your joy journey. A crucial insight from our discussion is the connection between these happiness strategies and our previous talk about atomic habits. Here's a sneak peek - it's all about embracing action and cultivating habits leading to a joyful existence.
Surprisingly, happiness isn't all about chasing external factors like fame, beauty, and wealth! As we dive into the world of hedonic adaptation, we'll discover the double-edged sword of our human adaptability. While it serves us, it also leaves us yearning for more. We'll also tackle the concept of an infinite game, where the goal isn't reaching a final destination but a continuous participation. Our discussion is set to reshape your perception of happiness - it's a journey, not a destination.
But how do you uncover genuine strategies to happiness? A distinctive exercise on self-discovery, we've sorted out three ways to unearth these strategies: aligning them with the source of unhappiness, our strengths and our lifestyle. We'll further explore twelve scientifically-proven strategies to elevate your happiness level and offer practical advice on integrating them into your daily life. So, step right in, let's light up your path to a more joy-filled life!
Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.
Welcome to what's On your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Rousseau and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:
Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of what's On your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the things we're learning from the books and the pages that sit on our shelves. These books are not sitting on our shelves, they're sitting right here on our desks with us. I'm Denise Rousseau.
Speaker 2:
I'm here with my co-host, Sam Powell, and we are walking through an entire year of the how of happiness and the pursuit of happiness. We've been just starting this series by walking through a book that is called the how of Happiness a new approach to getting the life that you want. We have links in our show notes for how you can purchase that book and get some downloads of some extra free stuff that the author has shared as well. I'm looking forward to this episode today because these are some tangible, realistic, intentional activities that will fit your own interests, values and your needs, because this book we're sharing what it's doing for us, but this is not just a one-way street for you as a listener. We hope that this will also help you as you're growing through your own journey in elevating your levels of happiness. Sam, I'm happy to be back here again with you today. How are you?
Speaker 1:
I'm good, I'm happy to be here too. I think we're going to make that joke every time. I'm kind of thankful, the whole year maybe. Yeah, I'm excited about this because this is where we move into the personalization of this. This book is really kind of like a manual for yourself on how to get happy, based on the science, based on the best research that we've got on how human beings are happy.
Speaker 1:
There's a quote at the very end of chapter two that I think kind of helps us move into into chapter three, but it really talks about that If we observe genuinely happy people, we shall find that they do not just sit around being contented. They make things happen, they pursue new understandings, seek new achievements and control their thoughts and feelings. I loved that, as we think about the personalization to be happy, you're not just sitting around. I'm a naturally happy person. This is great.
Speaker 1:
No, you find the things that make you happy, you pursue them, you work on your feelings, you work on your thoughts, which I know for Denise, for you, is a huge, huge thing. This chapter is really about figuring out what works for you. If you have the book which I hope you have the book you can do it right, you can do the exercise right inside of chapter three. Here it's on page 74. She also has it to download on her website. I really encourage you to look at this because as we move through the next weeks, we are going to be talking about each one of these 12 things individually and what that can do for you to bring you happiness. But you need to know which ones could work for you.
Speaker 2:
I did the activity.
Speaker 1:
I know my top four. I know which ones, as we touch on them, I'm going to be most paying attention to, because they're the things for me that work really personally in that space.
Speaker 2:
Really important what you just shared, which is there are 12, and the author suggests that you'd pick your top four. So we're going to touch on the 12, but you would focus on your top four, because that's what makes this personalized for you. One of the quotes that I highlighted in the chapter before this one comes after the quote you shared, which is that, in a nutshell, the fountain of happiness can be found in how you behave, what you think and what goals you set every day of your life. What I found so fascinating, sam, is that we created a very strategic, intentional plan for the books that we were going to launch in 2024. But what we didn't know yet was the detail of the pages when you took those books. It's almost as if this book was written to be able to be shared after we shared atomic habits, right.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I feel the same way. It's like now I know how to take the action right from atomic habits. I know how to build habits into the identity that we want One of the identities I want to happiness. And now she's just going to hand me 12 things and hand me how to pick my top four and I already know from the top of comics how to build those into my life. And it's like, oh, it's just beautiful, it just comes together in this masterpiece. But we didn't really intend.
Speaker 2:
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:
I love that I love it. You know, in the Bible it says that there's nothing new under the sun, meaning that things will come back around, and so our subconscious mind is bringing things up and bubbling them up. And there was a quote at the beginning of this chapter from someone from thousands of years ago. And think about how relevant this quote from Aristotle is today. He said that different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life. And so what we hope for you as listeners, as we walk through this, is we are going to share that one part of the pie.
Speaker 2:
Remember, we talked about last episode and the one before that this 40%, which is the piece you can control, not your genes, not your circumstances, but the 40% is what you can control. And these are things that are based on intentional activities, and those activities come from either a belief or a disbelief you have in something which come from a thought you have in your mind. And so we want to share with you over our next time 20, 30 minutes together today what some of these strategies are and how this will help you. But again to Sam's point, the best way to help you is to listen to our episodes. Grab a copy of the book and also download these exercises and live them out loud in your own life as well.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, absolutely Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
So as we get into what these are and write the ways that the strategies can really fit you and what those look like, I think it's important to kind of take a quick reflection back because, because Sonia says, one of the chief reasons that many of us fail in our efforts to become happier is, unfortunate, choosing, picking a strategy or an approach that is either inherently fruitless like pursuing wealth, approval or beauty, as discussed in the previous chapter, which I want to touch on before we move forward and then the other thing is, or not, choosing something that's well suited for us.
Speaker 1:
So this chapter really focuses on the well suited for us, but we didn't spend a whole lot of time on the fruitless activities, right, and we touched at the very end on, like hedonic adaptation, and you know how we as human beings are able to adjust to stuff. So we go pursue something like wealth or beauty or, you know, fame or fortune or whatever, and it gives us a burst but it doesn't sustain us. So I wanted to touch back on that, you know, before we, before we move forward into finding the things that fit us well.
Speaker 2:
That sounds good. So on that part of the chapter we talked about off microphone, some of the things that stood out for us. So this one was really important. And, Sam, why don't you share a little bit about what you got out of that part of chapter two? Because it sounded like this was a really important, impactful piece of that chapter for you.
Speaker 1:
It was because I think it's that I think I always say, like, you need to know yourself, to grow yourself, and I think that that's knowing you as individually, as a person, but also knowing how we as human beings work. Right, that's why I love atomic habits. Right, how do we all collectively build habits Like? Right, how does that? How do those brain synapses fire and how does all this really work? And you know this, this hedonic adaptation is really that.
Speaker 1:
Right, we pursue things that are pleasurable to us. Right, we're moving towards pleasure as part of you know what? We're moving towards? Pleasure, away from pain. But as we move towards pleasure and we get it when these are external factors, when they are things like fame or beauty or wealth, they do give us a burst. Right, they give us happy. You've heard all the people who are like, oh, they won the lottery and all of a sudden they were super happy and then two years later they're less happy than they were, right. Or people who have, you know, done all the plastic surgeries and then eventually are like, yeah, that war, like the feeling of it wore off right, it's that I got that high from getting this thing, but it doesn't sustain.
Speaker 1:
And it's because we as human beings are so adaptive. Adaptive, which is wonderful, and it helps us get through really bad things right. It helps us get through the setbacks of life. But there's that flip side of that coin that really, can, you know, set us up to be pursuing the wrong things, that really do not give us, that you know, fruitful effort. They, they just don't last, they're temporary.
Speaker 2:
Pursuing the wrong things leads to addictive behaviors too, right, like, if you think about, you are pursuing a continual ladder, climbing at your job because you want a bigger title, and then you get the title, and now you want a bigger title and you get that one and you want a bigger one. Or you get the car and now you want a faster one. Or you get the house and you want a bigger one. Or you want money and you win the lottery and now you have it, but you want to sustain and have more money. And so those addictive behaviors are because you're grasping at something you think will bring you happiness, but you never enjoyed it when you got it because you still want more. And so he gave an example though to segue a little bit that I found to be really interesting about this adaptability piece. He gave a real life example that something I've experienced, which was or not he, I guess the example was from. I don't know if the example was from her or if it was somebody else, but let's say it was her, I think, because I don't recall if it was her story, but it was about getting lasik surgery, and so in this story let's suppose it was her. She got this lasik surgery because she grew up wearing glasses and she couldn't see. And so there was this technology that was going to be able to help her to see. And so she had the surgery and, boom, she was able to see. Well, if you're watching this on video, you notice that I wear glasses. Guess what? I also had the surgery and for there was a period of time where I could see without my glasses. But the doctor told me in the surgery. He said hey, by the time you get into your mid forties you're probably going to need glasses again. But he's only lasts so long. It wears off. Your eyes change, your circumstances, change, your health changes. So he said this is going to be a short term happiness. Short term lasted me for almost 20 years and I can still sometimes like I like to watch TV without my glasses on my eye. Doctor probably doesn't like that. So I hope you're not listening, dr Love. But yeah, taddling on yourself, yeah, I should probably say that. But I do wear glasses now. And so she.
Speaker 2:
They talk about in the book, about that. This was the first time in this person's memory that they could read signs without wearing glasses and they were super happy. But within two weeks, they adapted to this 2020 vision and couldn't remember how ecstatic they were two weeks prior when they for the first time opened their eyes and could see without their glasses. I can remember what that was like because now, years later, I have to wear these to see you on the computer and if I'm reading a book, I have to wear these other glasses just to see the book.
Speaker 2:
So this adaptability also makes us forget with gratitude. It's sort of like when you get a new job right. I think we both have examples where we can share that the day we started a new job, how exciting that was and how new and fresh and the way it felt to go and be so proud of this place that we were going to be able to contribute to. And then you get used to it, either for the good or the bad, but you get used to it and you forget what it was like on that exciting first day. And I think this is the lesson for leaders to not forget what it was like that first day when you're bringing new people onto your team because it's their first day.
Speaker 1:
That day, yeah, exactly, and that's really the point. Right is that you can keep pursuing it. It reminds me of Simon Sinek's Infinite Game book, right, like there are finite games where you are playing to win right, sporting events, things like that but then things like life and business are infinite games. The point of the game is to stay in the game, and I think you have to approach happiness the same way. The point isn't to get to. Oh, I've got the end of the board game and now I'm happy. Right, check, it's here all the time. It's not because you're going to get to. Whatever that destination is, you're going to get used to it. And then it's not above your happiness level anymore, right, it's not the thing that pulls you up into happiness, it's the thing that is your baseline. Now, right, and we adapt and we change and we get used to it all the time. But if you can adjust that thinking into, the point of the game is to stay in the game. The point of happiness is to continuously maintain happiness. It really makes you rethink what that is right, and I think about this with business strategy and this is one of my favorite talks I've heard Simon give about this is people who are like we have to continuously grow in business. Our businesses get bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger.
Speaker 1:
And it's like what's the point? Why are you doing that? Right, you'll get to the end of your career and be like I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran and I ran, and now I'm really tired, but what legacy did I leave? What was the point? Right? Was the point for me to run really fast? Was the point for me to grow really big? Why is that the pursuit? Why is that the thing that I'm reaching? And it's like if you're always chasing something instead of carrying that with you. Right, like, oh, today I did this. Right, what's my purpose? What's my vision? And what Simon says is what's my just cause? Right, what's that thing that I'm in endless pursuit of? That I carry with me through all of my days? That really sustains that happiness, because I never get there, but because it's with me always.
Speaker 1:
Right, and that's really the change in mindset. It's not these circumstances, it's not these things that you're reaching for, because you'll adapt to them and they won't be what you think they are. It's got to be something different that you carry with you, and that's what this chapter turns us into is what are those things? And as we explore them and as we get deeper into them, let's stop for a minute and find the ones that work best for you, because it's not just that we will pursue inherently fruitless activities and be unhappy, it's also that we'll choose things that don't fit who we naturally are right Like. You and I both talk about this all the time with coaching Follow your strengths, follow the things right, like don't work on your weaknesses. That's just a lot of work and it gets you like into neutral zone right. Fix that if you've got, if it's holding you back, but lead more on your strengths, you'll accelerate, you'll get there faster, and that's really what she's talking about here.
Speaker 2:
I think that it's important to think about the things that are to your point on the following, your strengths. What are those things? Because even John Maxwell talks a lot about this, that if you focus on the 20%, which is a Pareto principle, focus on the 20%, you're going to get the 80% of results. Well, if you focus on 80% of all the bad things in your life, you're only going to get 20% better. But if you focus on 20% of the great things in life, you're going to get 80% more fulfillment, more satisfaction from it. And, at the same time, when is enough enough to your point, sam? Like if you have to make more money, make more widgets, have more prestige, whatever, that, when is enough?
Speaker 2:
I was listening to a song this morning and it was from an actor, actually Jeremy Renner. You know one of the Avengers. Well, I guess he's been in lots of other movies too, but people would know him from that, and so he. If you recall who this actor is, he had a major accident Like, I think, snowmobiling last year sometime, which left him having to learn how to walk all over again. The song is about something that's the best part of him and the song is a song he wrote for his little girl, and it's such a sad song in a in a triumphant song at the same hand. You would love it, sam, and so maybe Scott will need to give you a link to this song. I think it's called the best part of me. I'll have to look up and see if that's the right title, because I listened to it earlier this morning.
Speaker 2:
But he starts out in the beginning of the song saying something like I'm on another plane, I'm in another hotel room, I've missed your birthday again. But then the the lyric shift later about how he now is with her and he's watching her grow up and these great things. And so it almost took for him this really tragic thing to happen in his life for him to find out what really was the most important thing in his life, which was that not being on the road, not being in movies, not being on the go in Hollywood and down the red carpet, but being there with his daughter. In fact, there's another.
Speaker 2:
I think we've said this in an episode way long ago but there's an exercise I learned in my positive intelligence certifications where the teacher taught about there's no such thing as good or bad. There just is, and that sometimes the things in our life that are around us are because we chose for those things to be in and around our life, and it's how you walk through that part of your journey that brings you to whatever's in the future. You can't worry about the past or just dream about the future. It's about being present, and so Dr Sonia talks about three ways that having strategy around this gives you a fit towards happiness. And so what are some of those things that struck you, sam, when you were thinking about this piece, which is determining how you can use strategies to become happy?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean, I like that right. It feels very action-oriented for me, which, coming out of Atomic Habits, is our last book like feels good, right. What are the actions that I'm doing? What am I doing every day that builds me toward the person that I wanna go. So I like that.
Speaker 1:
She's giving us the strategies, but not only that, like giving us ways to figure out how they fit with us. And those three things she's got is that it fits with the source of your unhappiness, it fits with your strengths and it fits with your lifestyle. And when I think about that like I like those three things, when I'm thinking about these 12 different you know strategies that could work for me, it's really, you know, it's a little bit of that self-examination, right. What is the cause of some of my unhappiness? Right, that's unique to me. So what are the things that could help be the antidote for that right? And then, what am I good at? How do I just capitalize on, you know, what I naturally already do? And then also, what fits in my lifestyle, right, what's gonna work for me? Because I know from John McCabe it's I cannot enter in things into my daily schedule that don't fit naturally with what I'm already doing right. Is that habit stacking type of a you know type of a thought process?
Speaker 2:
But I loved about how she described this part is it's very practical and, like you said, it's very tangible. But she also makes a point to say in this chapter be very clear being a happy person doesn't mean, like you're a sugary, sweet, typical, what you would see in, like certain movies or television shows. This isn't about being corny. It isn't about you know someone that you think there's nothing in that person's life that is inherently bad or unhappy. This is about looking at the things that are activities, observations, your thinking patterns and finding out how to elevate your current level or baseline state of happiness to this thing that you can control.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, and she does. She says a couple of times in this whole first section about you know, corny, the corniness because some of these activities do sound sort of corny or just like, oh, let me roll my eyes at that. And she said that even the corny sounding exercise can grow on you and end up being practiced sincerely and from the heart. And so that's really what it takes, I think, right, finding those things that work for you based on the three things she's giving us here right to think about. But then, as you're approaching these strategies and you're looking at some like, yeah, okay, go ahead, roll your eyes if you want to, but think about how you could approach that in a genuine way. What would be true to your character in that space and in, you know, in this strategy. And I think that's really like, as we get through this, that'll be an interesting exploration for me, right, because everybody's different, so everyone it brings their own little bit of magic to it.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, well, you talked about earlier in this episode about writing down that daily gratitude piece, and we talked about several episodes before this one. You remember we were talking about something about Austin and Vincent and the things that might have seemed corny to get them prepared to go to their games. Like I always say to my kids shoes, shin guards, water bottle, and that was like their thing to trigger them to be prepared. And same thing you had something for Austin as well, and the same thing in the car. My kids are, oh my gosh, they're 19 and 22. And I still say, when we get in the car, are you clipped and ready? This has been going on for, you know, 20 years, two decades. So when she talks about these so-called hokey, corny little things, it's about cementing habits, right? So it might seem silly, but if you do something habitually over time whether it's a good thing or a bad thing because, remember, james talked about how bad things, also done over time, are tragic so if you do these good things over time, how can they elevate your happiness?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and I think the other thing to remember is that this isn't woo-woo, you know, like, out there there, you know like let me like wrap you in a warm hug and this is just how I like. This is not. This is based on science. These 12 things are based on in-depth, over the years, lots of people involved. Science right, this is really has been methodically researched, and these are the 12 things and the 12 strategies that you can implement that will genuinely bring you happiness in whatever that means for you, in whatever that looks like for you, true and lasting, sustained in your soul, to the depths of who you are happiness and it's based on science. So when it doesn't sound like it, it actually is, and that was the surprising thing and that's what we talk about in this whole.
Speaker 1:
You know, part one and introduction is that some of this stuff is surprising, but also not at the exact same time. So, yeah, as we think about this, as we look at this list, definitely go through it. So this is an activity that is in the book. It's on page 74. You should do it you can download it from her website too and really go through this, these 12 little assessments. It's got a bit of a calculation that you've got to do, which I love. I immediately created a spreadsheet to do this, because I mean, of course, you did Math, of course.
Speaker 1:
But you walk through this. It doesn't take very long, but it's going to give you an idea as we move through the other ones. Which one of these strategies should you be most involved in? I'm going to tell you I did it in my top four. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm like oh yeah, I could see that. That's yep. I'm like sounds good, I could see how that could make me happier. I already, baseline, am very happy, like it is naturally in my set point, but I can see how these four things could totally push me up a level right, like helping me get to, you know, an even happier version of me.
Speaker 2:
I love that and the assessment is super simple and short and quick. So I also do agree download it, but keep it handy because you may want to fill it out again in the future. I know we're almost out of time for today, so I do want to share and harken back to something you just said, sam, that the author writes in the book, and she says there are several reasons why I present exactly 12 activities in this book. First, I chose only evidence-based happiness increasing strategies whose practice is supported by scientific research. Second, I sought to include a wide variety of activities so that every individual could find a set right for him or her. This is why there are 12 and no fewer.
Speaker 2:
Nonetheless, there's a risk that even an activity with a high fit score may not at first work for you, and then she goes on to talk about you know what happens after that. But she's very adamant throughout this book that this is a scientific, research-based book. It is not woo-woo, it's not this corny, you know, fluffy high in the sky, strawberries and Skittles book. This is about actually achieving and aiming for greater happiness by requiring intention, changed thinking, effort and commitment.
Speaker 1:
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. So those 12 things. We'll give you the list of them right now because they're part of the assessment, and we'll break these down and really dive deep into them as we move forward in the next episode. So there's 12 of them. The first one is counting your blessings. The second one is cultivating optimism. The third is avoiding overthinking and social comparison. Four is practicing acts of kindness. Five is nurturing relationships. Six is doing more activities that truly engage you. Seven is replaying and savoring life's joys. Eight is committing to your goals. You know I love that one. Nine is developing strategies for coping. Ten is learning to forgive. Eleven is practicing religion and spirituality. And twelve is taking care of your body. When you read that list for the first time, what did you think, denise? What was your first impression?
Speaker 2:
My very first impression was these are an adaptation of Coach Wooden's book by Pat Williams. That was our first book in our series and, if you think about it, that was seven principles that shaped his life and will change yours, and every one of his seven fit into these 12. Oh yeah absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 1:
I like that, I like that. Fall back to that. And, yeah, right, like tried and true, how many athletes and people who are touched by Coach Wooden's life use those principles, carry them around in their pocket? And you're right, they do fit so nicely into this stuff, you know, because the things that make us happy are the things that make us happy. The research is there. Sorry, friends, this is what it is. We gotta, you know, we gotta find the ones that work for us.
Speaker 2:
Absolutely Well. We have once again come to the end of our time. It feels like this goes so fast, doesn't it, sam? No, it feels so fast. I hope you're getting value from it. Friends that are listening, and please consider sharing, subscribing and even commenting to us, and if you'd be so willing to rate these episodes it really helps us get more listeners as well and to share this content with others Next time.
Speaker 2:
We actually are diving now into the second part of the book, and the second part of the book is really going to be these practices and how we're going to dive deeper into the activities. So, again in the show notes, there will be a link for you to get this book if you don't already have it. There's free materials that the author also provides on her website. But this is really something important to leave you with today is that your happiness level can shift up or down depending on what you do and how you think, in other words, by the activities embodied by that 40% on the pie chart that we've been talking about these last few episodes. Sam, is there anything that you took away from today that you'd like to share with the listeners, or anything to be prepared for next time?
Speaker 1:
I think it's the, as we move forward, like go do this assessment right, go figure out what of these strategies are going to be the ones that really work for you or you think might work for you, because, as we go through them, those are the ones you wanna take action on, that you wanna do something with as we talk about it. So get ready, get prepared. Preparation is the key to success. So go out there and do it. Get ready?
Speaker 2:
that sounds exciting, so I'm ready to go. And speaking of that, sam, it's always so good and I feel always so happy being with you on these episodes. Friends, thanks for joining us. My name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, this has been another episode of what's On your Bookshelf. Everything you need for this series is in the description, so take care.