Unlock the secrets to a happier life with our exploration of "The How of Happiness," where we dissect the potent influence of playing to your strengths. Denise and Sam share personal insights and stories on how honing in on the activities that resonate with us can elevate not just our mood but also our professional endeavors. We're joined by insights from leadership gurus like John Maxwell, explaining the Pareto Principle's role in focusing on what we do best, leaving listeners with a fresh perspective on personal and workplace happiness.
As we navigate the world of professional organizing, you'll discover the unexpected delights of kindness, from the simple joy of decluttering to the deeper gratification of aiding those in need. Our discussion ventures into the changing societal expectations around kindness and authenticity in relationships, offering strategies for genuine connections and the profound impact of spreading kindness strategically throughout our lives. Whether you're looking to enrich your personal journey or seeking ways to inject more meaning into your daily interactions, this session is packed with heartfelt advice and practical tips to transform your approach to happiness and generosity.
Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.
Unlock the secrets to a happier life with our exploration of "The How of Happiness," where we dissect the potent influence of playing to your strengths. Denise and Sam share personal insights and stories on how honing in on the activities that resonate with us can elevate not just our mood but also our professional endeavors. We're joined by insights from leadership gurus like John Maxwell, explaining the Pareto Principle's role in focusing on what we do best, leaving listeners with a fresh perspective on personal and workplace happiness.
As we navigate the world of professional organizing, you'll discover the unexpected delights of kindness, from the simple joy of decluttering to the deeper gratification of aiding those in need. Our discussion ventures into the changing societal expectations around kindness and authenticity in relationships, offering strategies for genuine connections and the profound impact of spreading kindness strategically throughout our lives. Whether you're looking to enrich your personal journey or seeking ways to inject more meaning into your daily interactions, this session is packed with heartfelt advice and practical tips to transform your approach to happiness and generosity.
Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.
Welcome to what's On your Bookshelf with your hosts, denise Rousseau and Samantha Powell. Hi everyone, welcome back. It's another episode of what's On your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name's Denise Rousseau. I'm here with my friend, sam Powell. Once again, we are in a series for 2024 on pursuing happiness, and we're in the middle of talking through a really great book written by a psychologist, and the book is called the how of Happiness, which is a new approach to getting the light you want, and I don't really know that it's a new approach. It's just a new way of consciously thinking about this approach to happiness, and so I'm excited about the chapter that we're on today. So we're in chapter five, but it's Happiness Activity Number Four, and, sam, you were telling me before we got on the line today, just about a little bit of the confusing nature of the structure of this book.
Speaker 2:
So, yeah, the chapters are all numbered, but the activities are numbered, but there's multiple activities in a chapter. So we're on chapter five, but activity number four, so we keep confusing ourselves. But, yeah, this is a good one. This one today is one that is in both of our top fours, right? So I'm excited to talk about this one with you.
Speaker 1:
I am too. Do you want to share with the listeners a little bit about if they're just listening for the first time? What top four? What does that mean?
Speaker 2:
Yeah, so this book is really a manual at the end of the day on how to become happier in what you can control. So it starts off with really some baselining happiness activities that you can do, both at your happiness set point, which we talk about. Right, that's, 50% of your happiness is a baseline set point about who you are. There's a little quiz you can take on that to figure that out. But there's the Oxford Happiness Assessment that will then tell you sort of how you feel today in your happiness. And what the argument is in this book is that if you do one of these 12 activities that she proposes and say we're going to have on number four, if you do one of these 12, you can control 40% of your happiness and you can change that Oxford Happiness Scale number to go up if you do that. And so she's got a third assessment in here, lots of assessments, but they're all good stuff.
Speaker 2:
Who doesn't love a good quiz to take? Right? If you take this, the assessment that leads into the activities, it will rank what your what activities call to you the most right, what are most important for you, and what she suggests is that you focus on your top four, right? So don't try all 12 activities Like, eventually great, sure, go for it. But as you're starting out, as you're really trying to get the biggest bang for your buck and your time here, it's start with your top four. So Denise and I have both done this, and every time we talk about one of these we always say like, okay, does this fall on your top four, is it falling on my top four? So this one is in both of our top fours, which is, I think, the first time so far that's happened right on one of these.
Speaker 1:
So that's a good one, first time, first time so far. So a quick note on these assessments. These are private assessments, for yourself only. It's just to gauge where you are so that in the book you can target straight in on this thing. What I love about it is you know, when you think about work and performance, a lot of times businesses look at where are your weaknesses and they target on the weakness to try to improve that. But I remember not long ago a couple of years ago I guess talking with two different people about this topic of performance and targeting in on how to maximize potential and performance. And so one was John Maxwell.
Speaker 1:
John Maxwell is one of the number one leadership authors and experts in the world, and Sam and I are both certified directly by John. He's written over a hundred great leadership books. Maybe he'll be on our list for one of our special episodes, but one of the things that he teaches in many of his teachings is this concept of the Pareto principle or, if you've ever heard of it, called 80-20 rule, which basically says that 80% of the results that you have in life come from 20% of the outputs that you have. So it's about picking the things that are the most important. So the second person that I learned this from was Rob Schellenberger.
Speaker 1:
So Rob and Steve Schellenberger Rob's the son and Steve's the dad they wrote a series of books around doing things that matter the most in life, and they teach this concept as well, about why focus on the things that are a hardship to you or the things that are a struggle to you to try to move the needle on them, because then the things that are, let's say, your conscious comfort zone, middle parts, they don't get any attention. The things that you're great at, you never become great great at because you're already great at it, but you kind of ignore those things. So what this is talking about in this book and these assessments, is let's focus on where those top four are not where are the bottom four, where are the top four and then dig deep into those top four to make them even stronger, and those will become foundational to you. Pursuing this how of happiness.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah, that's great. Yeah, the Pareto Principles is a wonderful concept to master, especially in the business world. Things like that. Right, I've done that with problem solving methodologies and things like that. When you go through and you find, hey, here's my top most likely causes that'll fix this problem, then you focus on just those few things and not everything. Yes, could you completely eliminate your problem if you did all these things? Maybe, but it's not worth your time and your effort.
Speaker 2:
You're going to get such small gains and, yeah, I hear this in like customer success all the time, right, when you're thinking about how do you focus on which customers?
Speaker 2:
From a time constraint perspective, it's well, you focus on your biggest customers more, because they generate 80% of your revenue, right, so it's that and you see this I mean it is true of anything and everything that you're working on. You see it in sports, right, like you really should focus the majority of your time on your top performers, because they're the ones who perform most at the end of the day. Yes, it's a team sport. Yes, we need to develop everybody, but when it comes to where's all that extra time go, that extra time's got to go to your top, your top 20%, because they're giving you 80% of your output, right. So it's that you know that 80, 20 thing is really important and this is this is it same thing with happiness, with you and your time. Right, your time is limited, so if you're going to pick some activities think reset happiness pick the ones that are going to give you, give you, the most bang. So this is one of ours you and I.
Speaker 2:
We need to be practicing acts of kindness. That is happiness, activity number four. So when you saw this on your list of these, what I don't know what came to your mind, what were your first thoughts about? Oh, this is one of my top fours. That makes sense for you. Why did, why did you have the feelings you had? Tell me about it.
Speaker 1:
This is really interesting because this is in the in the section called investing in social connections, and I often confuse people in thinking that people will think I'm extroverted, because I've always been in a career that demands for me to be in front of people, whether it's on a stage, behind a stage, producing, being a people, leader of very large global teams. People have the impression that social connection comes easy to me because I think you and I talked about this even yesterday, maybe about I know a lot of people and I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful. However, however, I'm super introverted. I hate networking. You and I were talking about you going to a networking event yesterday and it just made me feel so cringy because I hate networking, and yet if I go and there's people I know, I'll probably be the last one to leave and be helping to clean up afterwards.
Speaker 1:
So I guess what I took away from from this one, especially this particular happiness activity, the practicing acts of kindness is that we all deserve to be treated well and with kindness, and so I am a gift giver. Olivia, my daughter, will often say that my biggest love language is gift giving, and maybe gift giving and kindness isn't exactly the same thing. But as I was reading the chapter, it really it really spoke to me about how I show kindness through giving, giving my time, giving my heart, giving things and when I'm not doing those things, I can directly sense that there's something that is off balance with my own kindness. And so I wonder, as you've thought about the chapter as well, sam, if you are exhibiting kindness or being kind and you think about the people that you're giving to, what does it make you think about the people that you're being kind to?
Speaker 2:
That's a good question. I I think it makes me happy to see other people happy Right. It makes me happy to solve someone's problem or be a piece of the solution for somebody. I love to organize ideas, people, things, whatever.
Speaker 2:
I sat at the networking event. I sat next to three women who were professional organizers and I was like, tell me more, I need to hear all the things about this. I was thinking as they were telling me stories about how they go in and they obviously do the basics of what you would think professional organizing does, but they also organize people's pictures digitally and in real life. They've got a whole branch of their business that does that, which I was like oh my gosh, what a wonderful gift to go through somebody's memories and be able to pull it out in a way that they can go access them when they need it. I thought that was super cool. I did not think of that in the grouping of professional organizing, especially not in today's stage, because it's all digital, sure, my mom's boxes of pictures. I could see that. It was just super interesting. And then she was one of the women specializes in neurodivergent folks and helping them particularly organize stuff. It was just a fascinating conversation I was like that is such a business of acts of kindness.
Speaker 2:
All the time You're giving somebody this beautiful gift of clean space, organized life. I think about some of those things and when I think about doing those things for people, it just lights me up. It makes me so happy to feel like I did something awesome. And it's never the thank you at the end. Honestly, I would love to do stuff just anonymously, because that's not where the joy comes from. For me, it is the. I want to see the happiness in their eyes, I want to see the. You know just that moment where they're like oh, thank you. It's not the thank you, it's the beforehand, where it's like you've taken a burden away from me, or you've just made my day better, or you've made me smile, or you've made me realize that I'm appreciated. That's just so. That is one of the best feelings in the world to me, you know you don't know what everybody is going through, right.
Speaker 1:
And so I read an article recently that was talking about. I don't remember even what the main theme of the article was, but I remember this one point, which was there was a lady grocery shopping and she got to the end of her checking out and realized that she brought her wrong purse. It wasn't even that. She didn't maybe have money at home we don't really know the real story, but she got to the end, she was frazzled, she, she, you could just tell that that was really shaking her up. It was probably very embarrassing because there was a long line behind her and rather than the person behind her being like, oh, how long is this going to take? Like this this is me sometimes right Like why do I always get in the line that looks the shortest and it takes the longest? I can't believe this person bought stuff without a price tag on it. Like that does happen sometimes. Where that's in my heart. But in this case, the person that was behind her, without even question and maybe it was because he's been blessed and could be a blessing he, he quietly handed the cashier his credit card and said please, I'd like to take care of it and the lady was dumbfounded. And that is not. That's not like a unique story, right, we? There's a lot of these stories where people practice these acts of kindness and not just to keep the line moving, but something stirred in that person's heart to give it kind of.
Speaker 1:
Actually makes me think, though, too, about what is the way that you present yourself. So during the holiday time, you know, when the Salvation Army people are out by Walmart and they're ringing the bell. When I was a little girl, I remember always saying to my mom please, can I have a quarter to put in the bucket. And I remember those times because something about the instances probably translated into the person that was collecting, telling a story or sharing a smile or being grateful that I, that I, the little girl, put the quarter in the bucket. And I went to Walmart recently and I was thinking to myself they don't even look at you now when you're walking past them, or maybe they're just talking to each other and not even thinking that there is a genuine reason and need and purpose for why they're collecting that money. And something about society has shifted and it almost as if not that they're being unkind, but they're not presenting an environment to welcome kindness? I don't think.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, like I. To me, that makes me think of like connection. Right, we live in a world that's always connected but somehow never connected, right, like I see that a lot with people now, especially as I've been going to a lot of networking events as of late, and you know I met with this. There was this woman at this event I went to this week it was a holiday party, so there was a bit of like reflection. The woman who runs the women's group had us talk about what's the what's the one thing we're the most proud of for this last year and what's the one thing we want to do next year, which, like you know, I really thought was like a great, great thing to do. And so we're recording this, you know, for next year, but as we're, you know, kind of at the end here. So, as we're kicking off the new year, it's a great reflection to take the time to think what did I accomplish this last year and what is it in this year, as it's getting going, especially because we're a few weeks into it now. What does, what do I want this year to become? And the one of the women at my table said I Want 2024 to be a year of connection. She goes I've met a lot of people, I run a networking group, she's like. But what I really want is deep Connection, like I want people that I can call up and say let's do lunch, and they're like, yes, so this is gonna be a best part of my get a week here is, you know, she's like. I want that deep, deep connection. I was like me and that's, you know, at the end of the day, that's what is. I think that's what acts of kindness do for us. They help us feel Connected to other people, right. It helps us realize there's more than just us and our immediate space. And, you know, it's just. It's so interesting and she taught in Dr Sonia talks in this book that you know, acts of kindness not only do good for the recipient but also for the doer, which I thought was super interesting, right, because and and I've heard that before, but it made me think about A coach told me one time that it is a gift to other people to let them help you, right, to give them that space and to allow for that.
Speaker 2:
That's become one of my life mantras at this point, when I'm like, oh, I don't ask for help and I'm like no, this lets this person have that feeling, right that I talked about a couple minutes ago of like, oh man, I got to help Sam. That's so great. I'm like, I feel so good and it's like that that's a gift unto itself. Right of like letting somebody in and letting that because it fosters connection. Right, like you helped me, I helped you. We now feel more tied together. Right, there's great fullness between us. You know, there's that deeper, deeper level of you know, of connection, and I think that when I think of acts of kindness, that's, I Think that's what it's really doing. At the end of the day, this is.
Speaker 1:
This episode is probably coming out. I'm going to guess March time frame or so, so it's about almost ready to be spring, I'm guessing. And when you think about springtime and you think about flowers, blooming and growth and Colors, and maybe the air is getting from cold to just cool and beautiful I love spring and I love the fall and and so it started to get me to think about with this, maybe you're at a place, personally or professionally, where you're thinking about change. Maybe there's something you want to grow into, and this chapter is talking about quality more than quantity. There's even a really great exercise in this chapter that talks around the idea that these psychologists do lots of studies. So in the book they reference a lot of different studies. One of the studies was that they had participants in two groups and they asked them to practice five acts of kindness per week over the course of six weeks. So imagine, if this is whenever this comes out, that you would practice five acts of kindness for six weeks, starting now In fact, if you're not really sure how to even do this, there's a really amazing great exercise on this in John Maxwell's book, intentional Living.
Speaker 1:
If we have time on another episode, I'll talk more about it, because I actually walked through that book with my kids when they were in elementary school. They're both in college now, and I still remember very vividly what we did in that chapter, and it was life moving. Based on what you just said, sam, was it wasn't even so much. It was for the people we were practicing acts of kindness for, but who changed was us, and so, in the book it talks about this five acts of kindness over the course of six weeks.
Speaker 1:
Now, the way that it worked, though, was that the first group was instructed to do these acts anytime throughout the week, but the second group was instructed to do the five acts all on one day, like do all five on a Monday and then don't do anything else for the rest of the week, and so that was the exact instructions, and what they found in this study is that, when you spread it out over time, it becomes more meaningful, more impactful, more ingrained as a habit. It's sort of like what we taught in the last book, right, atomic habits, which is tiny changes over time that incrementally compound to make a difference, and so the results that they had for this is they were all doing five acts. All groups were doing five acts, but one spread it out and one did it all in one day and the results were that if you spread it out, that you would have all more results for your own sense of happiness.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, yeah. And when she goes into this part of the chapter, when she goes into the part of the chapter in this book where it's talking about how to practice kindness. So what should you be doing? You know from a scientific standpoint right From all the studies they did what are the best ways to do this. The first thing she talks about is that timing is everything. She says that you know, the first step in practicing kindness strategy is to select which acts you intend to do, how often and how much, and it's a very important decision point for this to be an effective strategy.
Speaker 2:
If you do too little, you're not going to obtain enough of a benefit and if you do too much, you're going to feel fatigued, over, burdened. Right, it's going to have that. So you've got to find that Goldilocks version of yourself where it's like it's got to be just you know, just right, which is. She said her suggestion is picking like a day a week and you know, on that day, commit to like something new, something special, something different. Right, that you know is impactful for you. Right, it's like, oh, you know, my kindness Tuesdays, and on Tuesdays I do at least one. You know I do one big thing, right, it's something like that where that it spreads that out and it makes it just feel very impactful for you Because again, you don't want to, you don't want this to become a burden, then you're doing the opposite and you don't want to do it too little the way. You're not feeling any effect either.
Speaker 1:
The second thing she said to that was to have variety, because variety is the spice of life. And then she said that then let there be a chain of kindness. So in fact it's funny because now that I'm looking back at it, the story in the book is very similar to the story I shared about the grocery store. And then there's a final caveat that's in here in the book which says and this is an important one is that kindness doesn't exactly relate to wealth. It doesn't mean that your kindness means giving money. It could be also that that is a way that you share kindness.
Speaker 1:
But it says in the book that there's overwhelming evidence we know this, we've talked about it already that money doesn't create happiness. It might open up avenues for you to share in certain ways, but that it won't. It won't be long term. And so the author says what if I told you that becoming a more generous, compassionate and charitable person would make you happier than earning a higher income? So I think that for me, as I close out this episode, my thoughts are around. This is the time of year when people are looking forward to maybe raises, because it's springtime. That's usually when people are looking for bonuses or raises or stock payouts, but what if you were looking at something deeper, which was really foundationally being a kinder, happier, more peaceful person, personally and professionally? Sam, if you were to think about the one takeaway you got from the chapter today, what would it be?
Speaker 2:
I think that it's finding the balance in the acts of kindness. Right, because there is, you can't overstep. Right. You can make somebody really uncomfortable, you can make them feel, you know, underprivileged, you can make yourself feel bad because you're doing too much, you're overextending, you're, you know, you're always the giver and never the taker, right? So I thought it was interesting that the science here supported that it's.
Speaker 2:
The key is the balance. The key is doing you know the just right amount to really maximize the kind of kindness and to make sure that you're doing it in a way that really meets that person with where their need is right. Like it's not helpful if you go and you organize somebody's house for them and they don't want that right, then that stresses them out and it does whatever. It doesn't, you know, help somebody. If you give someone money, it embarrasses them, right.
Speaker 2:
So finding you know just the right amount, just the right activity, just the right time, is really key and like I'm such a good like broader life lesson, you know, and really making sure that what you're doing is, you know, is just just right, but you don't have to overthink it too right. Like finding that balance, finding that space. I just I thought that was really interesting and as I think about how do I work this into something more regular in my life. Right, because I feel like I just, you know, free flying here with acts of kindness. You know I do them when they come up, but if it's something that, hey, I am doing this once a week, I make sure it's purposeful activity. Right, because that's about that's what this book's about making it purposeful. Finding that just right thing in the purpose and in the intention you know to me was was really something special.
Speaker 1:
And this is all about yourself and about others. And next week we're going to be talking about nurturing social relationships and good social relationships. They serve so many vital areas in our life, so that's where we're headed next week. That will be Happiness, activity Number Five in Chapter Five of this wonderful book, the how of Happiness. So, sam, thanks for being here with me today. Once again, I love nurturing our social relationship together. All right, friends, if you are just new to our podcast, we are so glad that you're here. If you've been following along but haven't subscribed yet, please do. And if you have friends and loved ones that that you think could get value from this, would you please share our podcast with them, because we'd love to be able to spread this to more people and we'd also love to hear from you. So thank you to Scott Miller, who's our producer. He will be putting information in the show notes for ways for you to get in touch with us. Thanks for joining us this week on another episode of what's On your Bookshelf.