What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
74 - Solve for Happy - Chapter 13 - L.I.P. Part 1
When Mo Gawdat shared his personal story of loss in "Solve for Happy," he opened the door to a conversation many avoid: the sobering reality of death. Our latest episode takes these reflections further, as we navigate the intertwining of life's end with its beginning and how facing this ultimate truth can unexpectedly guide us toward happiness. With Gawdat's insights framing our discussion, we venture into the realms of life's cycles, both natural and personal, and how they mirror the acceptance and peace that can come with life's final chapter.
Music and literature often capture life's deepest truths, and in this episode, we draw from these wells of wisdom. From "Turn! Turn! Turn!" to "The Circle of Life," we examine how art reflects our journey through life and death, the resilience of nature, and the complex emotions tied to letting go. The conversation weaves through the peace that can accompany the end of life, and how that serenity contrasts with the pain left in the wake of departure. It's a poignant reminder that while death is inevitable, it's also a call to fully appreciate the living moments.
Our final thoughts turn to the personal impact of grief, inspired by Gawdat's own experience with the loss of his son. This story, although deeply individual, echoes a collective human experience, offering a glimpse into the profound ways loss reconfigures our existence. We reflect on how the awareness of our mortality can sharpen the way we love, live, and find joy in the seemingly mundane. Join us for these heartfelt discussions, where we seek to understand and find solace in the shared journey of life and death.
Additional Resources:
Order: Solve for Happy
Denise Russo's Website
www.schoolofthoughts.net
Denise Russo's Forbes Articles
Forbes Article Link
Samantha Powell's Website and Blog
Lead The Game
Connect with us on LinkedIn:
Denise Russo
Samantha Powell
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Subscribe to our new YouTube channel.
Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone, welcome back. It's another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast that's all about living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo, my co-host is Sam Powell, and we are walking through a book called Solve for Happy by Mo Gaudet, who is a former executive from Google. We are almost getting ourselves close to the end of the book. We are in I don't know unlucky number 13, chapter 13. It's a heavy chapter, a dark chapter. It's a chapter about death. Mo says that death is real. No one who's ever lived has escaped death. It may even be more real than life itself. So I can't say I'm excited about this chapter, sam, although I'm happy to be here with you today.
Speaker 1:Yeah, agreed, and this is number four of the five ultimate truths. So they, we went from now to change to love and now to death being one of the ultimate truths of life, which you know is true. Like everybody dies, everything dies, right, nothing is eternal, you know, really, in this existence. So it, so it's, you know it is, it is what it is.
Speaker 1:And this is interesting, right, because this book is coming like this book is was written because he lost his son and as he worked through that and and really experienced that loss, right, that death, that's where, you know, everything in this book comes from. And so this is an interesting chapter. And he says this is one of the hardest things he's ever written, if not the hardest thing that he's ever. Oh, yeah, here we go. This chapter has been the toughest thing I've ever had to write and, uh, you know, I can't imagine trying to sit down and explore death as an ultimate truth, you know, really, at this depth and it's a it's a pretty long chapter, it's got quite a bit in it. But, yeah, I'm with you.
Speaker 2:I don't know that I'm excited to get through this, but it's important to go through this so maybe, kind of in summary, for what we think we're going to get through today is that we're going to talk about the reality and truth about death. It's like you said, sam, we all have a start date and an expiration date. We don't know the expiration date, and it's our objective to live what's between the start and the end. Well, we're going to talk about how death can be associated with happiness, which is a little bit interesting to even think about, how it can be associated with happiness. We're going to focus on how to focus on living and not just dying and um, and that our life is meant to be lived to the full. So, sam, do we want to give away the secret of what the title of this chapter is and unwind this acronym, or wait a little bit?
Speaker 1:I think we wait, I think because he doesn't he doesn't reveal it till the very end. So I think I think we stick with it. Um, but this, this chapter, is really divided into two kind of big sections. One is the myths we believe, and then the other is the long life, continuum and really talking about and exploring that, which is interesting. So he walks through a few myths that we believe about death and he says that if we allow ourselves to look closely at death instead of looking away, we may. We might find a meaningful place for it within our lives rather than view it as an enemy at the gates. And so the first phase of this is to dispel a few myths, the first of which is there's a day to die.
Speaker 2:Yeah, this one I thought was super interesting. I like trivia and like weird little things that you can use if you're at a party. I guess Now not that you would want to necessarily use a story at a party, but A little dark for a party.
Speaker 1:A little dark Party trivia.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but it was super interesting because he says that death is not an event, it's a process, and so one of the interesting things he pointed out is that the minute you are born into this world is the minute you start to die. You're even dying as we speak. Your red blood cells all 25 trillion of them will die within the next four months. 255 trillion of them will die within the next four months. By the time you finish this chapter or this episode of our podcast, more than 150 million cells all over your body will die, and of those, 2000 will be your brain cells, which will never be replaced. And so if you only think of the loss, then you miss sight. I think of the gain. If you only focus on the things that are dying, you aren't focusing on the things that are living and growing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's interesting, like right, this is the start of this chapter, right, and he says we die a little every day. And it's true, right, we're always we're dying, we're replenishing ourselves and and it's, you know, it's just, it's an interesting thought process to think about. That death isn't some event that happens once at the end of our existence in this world. It's something that happens constantly, all of the time, and especially if you zoom out, like into nature, into the world, like death, rebirth is constant, you know, constantly around us, and it's not some one event that happens. It's that you can still live but continue. Like, right, we're continuously dying is kind of what it gets down to, which is interesting, a little little strange to think about, but so it's a very interesting concept.
Speaker 2:There was a song many years ago when I was a little girl you, I'm sure, weren't even born yet. It was by this band called the Birds, but the lyrics say something to the effect of in every season, turn, turn, turn. That comes from, actually, a story in the Bible where it's talking about how that it takes seasons to move into the next season, to go into the next season, and that these turns are part of the natural part of life. And so he talks about here that, if we think about the natural part of life, it's even like probably the Elton John song circle of life from the Lion King Disney.
Speaker 2:I haven't had a Disney analogy in a while, I haven't had one in a few episodes, so got to insert one that talks about how the circle of life is all about being able to help one another, even if it means that your life is given up to nourish another's life. And so he talks about how we we think of death, but we don't think about what that, what that life lived, does for something else. And so the myth that death is an enemy is the myth number two yeah, and that's interesting, right.
Speaker 1:Like we, we all view death as this like horrible thing that's coming for us eventually, and right things like that. And he says without death there wouldn't be life. And you know, that's that's interesting, right. When that's like, if you think about the food chain, if you think about you know some of that I think about there's a species of trees that only um release their seeds in a forest fire. I forget what it is, um, but you know, like that's interesting, right.
Speaker 1:Like there are things that, like it needs destruction, it needs death to happen in order to even create life. And you know that's right. Like we can't hang on to all the cells. Like think about losing your teeth as a kid. Right, you can't hang on to all these cells in your body without getting rid of some, right, else you just like, I don't't know that would be terrifying, but like, right, you, you, it's not this, you know grand, it's not this grand enemy that we're all fighting against, and it's not this thing, it's, it's just part of the system it's part of, like death is part of life yeah, you know, it's interesting because I would imagine I don't know the statistic, but most people I, I would say, don't know their expiration date.
Speaker 2:Like you may know, if you're really sick with some disease, that if you get into hospice that the time is coming near, let's say. But most people, I think, struggle with death because it comes surprisingly, instantly, unexpectedly, whether it's that your loved one has had something happen that that wasn't planned for. Or even I can think of Vincent used to have a soccer coach who we adored and he ended up getting. One day he came to soccer and he said I haven't been feeling good, I feel like I have the flu. Within days he found out he had stage four cancer and and he, I would say, lived for another year, but Sam, during that year he was really dying towards the end of that year and it left a sense for his family of what Mo calls in here of feeling betrayed like that. Somehow they were losing and yet this pain that this coach was suffering from. He needed to rid of that and so it needed for him to pass on, for him to not suffer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what he says in this. Third myth is that death is always unwelcome. But that's not always the case, right? If you've talked to somebody who's lived a very long life, sometimes they're at a place where it's very peaceful acceptance. Most of the people that they lived their life with are passed on and they're just ready for what comes next. Or when you're suffering, right In the case that you're talking about here, sometimes you're just ready for that release and that space. So death isn't always unwelcome, right? Like, we disagree with the timing of it, we don't like the concept in general and we miss it, but there are times where, like people are, they are, they welcome death Right With you know, with a bit of peace, with a bit of acceptance, with something in that space. So the myth is it's not always unwelcome, is it often?
Speaker 2:welcome, sure, but not, not always. And the next one is about death being painful, but not always. And the next one is about death being painful. And I think this is another one that maybe we struggle with sometimes is that we fear death because we're afraid of the fear of dying. Like will I be in an environment where I know I'm dying? Will it hurt? Will I be scared? Will I be lonely? Will I be any of those feelings that you, that you want to repel? And yet he talks here in this chapter that when his son ultimately left the earth, that he was asleep. He went to sleep and just didn't wake up and he looked so peaceful.
Speaker 2:And we hear these stories time and again that you'll be. You'll hear these stories where people might be with somebody in the hospital or even somebody in hospice, and the person just knows intrinsically, maybe at that moment, that it's time for them to go. And they get this sense of peace and almost as if they tell their loved one just let me go, I'm ready, I'm ready now to go. And the pain then becomes inside your heart because you're left. You're left here to have to endure the loss.
Speaker 2:But maybe not every time is death painful. I even recall there was the other day. We were driving down the street and there was a massively bad accident. It was so bad that the traffic was backed up because everyone was looking at how this car looked like a crushed tin can.
Speaker 2:Clearly, there were multiple deaths in this particular accident and, as I was talking to Quinn about it, one of the things that we were exploring was there's no way that the person that was in that accident could have a flash of a second of remembering what happened before he died. And Vincent was telling me a couple months ago about one of his weird trivia things, which is that when you die, when your heart stops beating, your brain doesn't stop just yet. It's like milliseconds later. But there's something about a delay between the last beat of your heart and the last synapse in your neurons of your brain. And so we think about death being painful, but in many cases people don't even I mean, you know, we have no evidence that anybody knows they've died. The pain is our pain when they have died right.
Speaker 1:And he says that, you know, there is no painful death, only a painful life in its last moments before death, right, and so what he's saying is, like death itself is not painful, life is painful, and life and leading up to death can be painful. It's not always, but it can be. And, um, you know, that's that's what we fear. We fear the pain leading up to death. But death in itself is not a painful thing. It can't. It can't hurt you at the end of the day, right, because you are then disconnected from what causes pain, right?
Speaker 2:And you can't avoid it. Like there's that thing is like you can't avoid it. So he says death can be cheat. Death can be cheated. It's another myth, and it made me think about Sam.
Speaker 2:If you've ever heard of the final speeches or writings of Steve Jobs, where this was a man who was reviled like people didn't like him. He was a bad leader, he was not a good husband. He had, like this very harsh character as he was leading one of the most successful, two of the most successful companies that existed, and yet he said at the very end, as he was suffering from cancer, that even as much money as he had, success, fame and titles, that he couldn't cheat death, that we all have only one way in and one way out of this world and that there's no cheating death. We all will go, and so it's something that, if we can learn to accept that part of it and solve for happy, by living days that are more happy and filled with joy and filled with peace and letting go of the things that drag us down or the things that are on our calendars that waste our time I often talk about how time is something that you can waste, spend or invest, and if you on this podcast are listening right now and you waste or spend more of your time than you're investing, you're cheating yourself.
Speaker 2:You can't cheat death, but you're cheating yourself. And hey, I'm not perfect, I do the same thing. How many times during the day do we scroll mindlessly through social media? Or how many times do we just put something to the side for something else? Even my own kids have said to me Mommy, you're not listening to me and maybe in that moment I'm actually doing something and they're not letting me finish the thing I'm doing. But at the same time, that moment that they needed me was the moment they needed me and in an instant that moment can be gone. So we can't cheat death. We're all going to go someday, but what are we doing to live a life of purpose and meaning and passion and happiness until that day comes?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and he really finishes off this is myth section with no-transcript. The events that the way you perceive events that occur out, you know is different than the expectation, and so if you expect that death is part of life, then it. It puts you in a different space and, like I, you know, like I, I think it was one of the things that made losing my son easier is that I had experienced the loss of other people who I was very close to, who died well before they should have, right like, died in their 20s, died in in their 30s, and so when it came and I had two significant losses leading up to the loss of my son, of people who had died young, and so when we were faced with his death, it wasn't unexpected. I knew, I accepted the fact that children can and do die sometimes, that parents do outlive their children sometimes, and I think and as I've watched other people struggle with the death of a child, it's the people who had, who had really ignored that reality, right, or just maybe never came across it.
Speaker 1:Like that's a lovely thing to never have come across that, but then when you do, it's so outside of the expectation of reality that it is a thousand times worse than if you know it's possible, right, and because I know it's possible, I love my, my older son, differently, right, like I'll love this next baby differently, because I know that nothing's guaranteed, that death is a part of life. It's within the realm of what could happen, of reality, that, like I could lose them as well, which would be horrible. But it's like I show up differently because of that, right, and I think that that's part of this. If you can accept that death is indeed a part of life, you can show up into happiness differently in a way that is, I think, more authentic and more real. And while we don't want to be talking about this chapter and death and things like that, I think that you have to get to this place of acceptance if you really want to get to, like, the ultimate level of joy, that transcendent joy that we talked about in the last episode.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he talks about that in this next part and I know we're running short on time today, so maybe we do it next time but it's about the long life continuum and our illusion of thinking that we're going to have a long life To your point. We don't know that expiration date. It's about living a good life, not necessarily, maybe, living a long life. How many people have lived a long life? And maybe they were lonely or they were miserable. Or it makes me think of Charles Dickens, you know, when you think of Scrooge, it took him his long life until he got to the end, when he realized that he was, in his later years, maybe almost close to death, before he changed, changed his mindset, changed his being, changed the way he loved others, changed the way he loved himself. So it's not about living a long life, it's. It's about living a good life and a life filled with loving other people and being kind to others and to yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I think, by, you know, by getting to what he's leading us to right, dispelling these myths and getting to acceptance, you can't you have the chance to do what you just said, so we're going to dive into that next time, and so it'll be round two on a chapter about death. But there is good stuff that comes at the end of the chapter and leading us into the design of our lives after that. So for today, we'll close here. I know that's a deep and dark topic for many people, so if you are someone who's been listening to this episode and this is something you're struggling with or have struggled with, then our hearts are for you, and if you need to speak to somebody, like a therapist or that, do what is necessary for you to navigate.
Speaker 2:This book is just about how this one man navigated the death of his son. It doesn't mean that it's going to work exactly prescriptively the same for every person, but death changes us. It certainly changes the way we think about ourselves and others, and there's more to come, though, on this question of the long life continuum. So, for this week, thanks for being with us. Please share and subscribe this podcast. If it's helping you, maybe it could help others as well. My name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, this has been another episode of what's on your Bookshelf.