What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
76 - Solve for Happy - Who Made Who?
Can contemplating the universe’s design really lead to greater happiness? Join Denise Russo and Samantha Powell as they wrap up their enlightening series on happiness with a thought-provoking exploration of "Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy." In this episode, we ponder the grand question of whether the universe is intentionally designed or merely random. Tune in to hear personal anecdotes, such as Denise's poignant story about artist Cody Fry and his evocative song "A Little More," as we discuss the profound impact that different perspectives can have on our quest for joy.
Relinquishing control can be the key to peace and happiness, and we delve into this idea by examining philosophical debates around intelligent design. We discuss how managing expectations and accepting life’s inevitable uncertainties—like loss and change—can help us cope better and find serenity. We also reflect on how our personal beliefs and religious backgrounds shape our acceptance of these complex concepts, finding common ground in our shared human experiences.
Navigating loss and embracing life’s unpredictability is a journey we all face. Reflecting on the story of Job from the Old Testament, we consider how recognizing a larger design at work can bring solace. By focusing on what we can control—our reactions and expectations—we can discover a balanced state of joy. This episode encourages listeners to actively embrace life with gratitude, transforming how we perceive events and enhancing our overall well-being. Join us as we conclude this remarkable year-long series, aiming to inspire a proactive approach to finding happiness.
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone, welcome back. It's another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the pages of the books that we've taken off of our shelves. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today with my co-host and friend, sam Powell, and we are at the tail end of a book in a long series. It's actually an a year long series on the topic of happiness, and the book that we're discussing is solve for happy engineering your path to joy. Sam, it's always a joy for me to be here with you. How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:Same I'm doing really well. I can't believe we're at the end of this book. Essentially, today starts well, it's really the last chapter and then there's a wrap-up at the end. But man, this one's been I don't know. It feels like it went really fast.
Speaker 2:It feels like it went super fast and I feel like, as I look back at even just this year of the books that we've been discussing, these books are for sure subconsciously, maybe consciously they're helping me to look at life through a lens that's much happier, and so I'm grateful for that. But I also agree that I wish it almost would slow down a little bit, because it has zipped by, and I'm really excited for our next book as well, because the next book, the Happiness Project, is going to lead us through how to actually apply the things that we're learning in these first two books.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that'll be a good one, so, yeah. So today is the fifth of the ultimate truths, right? Today is the fifth of the ultimate truths, right? So we, as we were going through this book, the way he has this set up, just to remind everybody is there were six grand delusions and seven blind spots, and now we're in the five ultimate truths and we're in the last of the five ultimate truths. So this is chapter 14.
Speaker 1:For those of you who are following along in the book, which is titled who Made who? But this is about design, and he really means like universe design in this space. So I will, he prefaces this one as take or leave it, like take it or leave it. This is his thoughts, this is his truth in this space. So there may be things that you know, denise, and I feel differently on that. You feel differently on that sort of is what it is, but it's one of that. You know, denise, and I feel differently on that. You feel differently on that sort of is what it is, but it's one of those. I think, if you can leave yourself open enough just to consider it gives you space to think through your own ultimate truth on this one.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:I was listening this morning to a song by this artist named Cody Fry. If you haven't, have you ever heard of this artist, cody Fry, sam? He is spectacular. Actually, vincent and Olivia introduced me to him. It's he's a really younger kind of an artist and he his father was a symphony like, wrote symphonies like a really cool, interesting background that this kid has. He grew up with his father being a conductor but also a writer of symphonic works, and so he ended up becoming the same, but he does it through the lens of using sort of like pop sounding techniques. He actually got a grammy award nomination for redoing eleanor rigby from the beatles, which is a total aside, has nothing to do with this book, but this morning I was listening to a song that he just he recently released, which is called a little more, and I would definitely encourage anybody to check it out. In fact, scott, if you can look that up and put it in the show notes Cody Fry, a little more.
Speaker 2:What the song talks about is looking at life through the lens of others and not just your own self, and so when I was reading this chapter, sam, what it got me to think about is yes, this chapter was written from the lens, the heart and the eye and the mind of Mo and his perspective on certain things, but we as the readers have the ability to almost imagine how we would interpret those things, and so I sort of summarized what I think the chapter was about, for me anyway, and I think it's about designing a life from the perspective of an engineer with math and facts, which I know is attractive to you. It's harder for me sometimes to grasp that side, even though I think I do think more analytical than more feeling wise. But he also talks about things like asking good questions and the importance of asking good questions in this chapter, and that gets me to think about how you and I have learned a lot about that through not only being certified coaches, but through our work with John Maxwell and his book Good Leaders Ask Great Questions he talks about in this chapter as well, about things like odds, like at a casino, and why do we believe we will win in life when odds are way off balance, and so I think that was probably the most interesting part in this chapter for me. And yet aren't games rigged in Las Vegas?
Speaker 2:And is luck real, like I don't know? Is luck real or is it something we perceive in our minds? And there's this evolution of randomness versus intentional design which is gets to the part of. You know, this could be a little bit high thinking for some people and it may be off base for the way some people think, but he does talk about the evolution of randomness versus the intentional design of our lives, of the world, of the universe, etc. And so the question here we have is what is true? What is true or what is not true? It may whatever is true to yourself may not be true to your neighbor or your family member, or even for us.
Speaker 1:On this call today yeah, yeah, he spends a quite a bit of the chapter at the beginning talking about, like what you're saying right, asking really good questions, thinking about what this is, and he's basically coming I mean, as I, as I'm reading it and understanding it, he's really coming around to the question in this book of, like what's the mathematical probability, like you're saying right, what are the odds here of? And he said he lays out like two claims and he's saying these are like juxtaposed claims here that like, either the universe happened at random or it happened by the process of intelligent design and that's sort of like what he sets out to do. It's funny, as I read this, I actually thought that was a flawed question as much as he like set up. Like you know, you have to ask the right questions, you have to do whatever.
Speaker 1:I actually disagreed with the question entirely, like, and I think it's because I generally tend to reject black and white yes or no great like this or that type of assertions. Like to me, you know it was. It's an interesting exploration that he does, but to me there are a lot of other possibilities of this is either all random or was intelligently designed and like to me, I don't know there's so much more space in there. So he's basically saying that, like what are the odds of that? And then he goes in to explore that the odds of things being random really like the math doesn't work out and the math he's using is fine, the logic he's using is fine, but then it's sort of taking the position that, like if the odds of this being completely random are so small that they couldn't possibly exist, then it must be this other, this other option, and I don't know. I just like, yeah, I mean, maybe I had a hard time with that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the third option is there's another option we don't even know about in our human thinking, right?
Speaker 1:Exactly Like, and I think there's an infinite amount of options that we think like we can't think about. Right, like this to me brings up, like the mathematical principle of like there's an infinite amount of numbers, even between two, like whole numbers, right Between one and two, there are an infinite number of numbers and to like I had. I just had such an issue with the way he set up this chapter. Personally, this is the only one I really really struggled with throughout the book, because I just felt like I don't know, it felt limited to like a human thought process and I feel like when we're thinking about something so big, I don't know, I guess I just have a like, a more like, I don't know, it could be anything type of view.
Speaker 1:There could be a lot more to it and I know there's a lot of people that don't agree with that whatsoever. Right, like the thought of an intelligent designer to the universe is what a lot of religions are based on. You know, at the end of the day, right, that there is a higher power. You know there is, you know, someone out there right, designing how everything goes. But I don't know, I just I kind of struggled with the with this chapter because of how he set up the argument, which I thought was ironic because he talked so much about how you set up the argument.
Speaker 2:And he's an engineer and you know, I think, that from his mindset maybe we don't know, we don't know him, but as the mindset of a mathematician he wants something that's absolute and that has an answer to a problem. Like you could say, two plus two equals four, but one plus three also equals four, Zero plus four also equals four. You know, or even any combination, like you said, of what comes after the decimal point. But yet we also know, at least in our human limited thinking, that pi doesn't have an end number. Know, at least in our human limited thinking, that pi doesn't have an end number. So is it wrong to say that there's a number that doesn't have an end number, but there's other numbers that do have end numbers. And in this case it's almost like he's wrestling with this idea.
Speaker 2:Remember, this book was written because he was on a quest for happiness, because his son died, and so I think that what this chapter was about as I was reading it, because I do believe there's intentional design in the world from my perspective and my belief system is that for him he was, he was trying to reckon with where is my son? His flesh is gone, but does that mean my son is gone, Not just the memory, but I mean something about my son's energy, like if we know that energy never really dissipates, it just transfers. If you look at any sort of science behind that, that energy doesn't just disappear. If that's true, then his son or what he knew of his son, or the molecules of his son are somewhere. And so when I was thinking about that, have you ever seen the movie Somewhere in Time with Christopher Reeve?
Speaker 1:No, I've heard of it, but I've never seen it.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, it's my mom's favorite movie. It's an older movie. It probably came out, I don't know, maybe in the 70s or 80s, but it's my mom's all-time favorite movie and it's about time travel, but it's a beautiful love story. You would love this, sam, because you love, love stories. So you, gotta check out this movie. My mom loves this movie so much that she became like a part of their fan club.
Speaker 2:The movie was um, it was done in mackinac island in michigan, so she flew there to see that where the set was. She stayed overnight in the hotel where it was filmed, like that. There are some fans of this movie, but the point of the movie is that it is about this man who falls in love with this woman and then, through the course of this time, travel experience and I won't give you the spoilers he loses her and wants to find his way back to her. And so, as I was reading this chapter, I was thinking about that movie, because Mo lost the love of his life, his son. He lost him and he's trying to find his way back to him through finding happiness, through the way his son lived his life, and he can't ignore that. And so I think that for me, he talks about for sure that what's what is?
Speaker 2:What fits into your agenda in life? Do you think there's a design or not? Do you think that if a loved one dies, that's it, that's all there is? And that blink in time that we have on earth is all we have? And if so, are you making the most out of that time? And so he goes on a long chapter of talking about this problem statement and and I think you're right it isn't. It can't be solved with math, because it's like the difference between pie can't be solved for an end number different than this issue of. Are you right? Am I right? Is somebody else right about what happens when we die? Because we don't know?
Speaker 1:yeah, and I think, like what he he encourages, right, he lays out his thought process, his argument for like why he thinks that you know that there is an intelligent designer, that you know that it must be designed. But he says, right, it helps me put to rest the debate inside my head and it helps him really reconcile, like exactly what you're saying right of, if this is all intelligent design, then he can sort of, and then as he gets into this and as he gets to the end of the chapter, I actually go back to kind of agreeing with a lot of what he says. Not that I'm disagreeing necessarily, I just like again, not as black and white to me, but he's he talks about then that you know it's, it's that there's this design running, you know, according to his thought process, and so there's all, like you know, again, he's an engineer, there's these equations that are basically just running for how the design functions, and so it's not necessarily that, like these bad things are happening because you know there's somebody out there saying like, oh, this has to happen, this has to happen. This has to happen is that the design is just running, we're letting the program run, and so earthquakes happen and hurricanes happen and things happen. And to him he found like a real sense of peace in you know, in that thought process of you know that you can't fully control, there's a design that's running, there's a program that's ongoing, and you just kind of need to release the control on that and understand and again, like that's the way to find, like to come back to happiness and I actually completely agree with that line of thinking is that there are so many things beyond our control in this world and whether it's designed or not or whatever, right, like that's the infinite debate we will probably always have as humans until we get to the end of this, this life. And you know, see the next one.
Speaker 1:But the it's this idea that, like, because you have no control, because there's a program running, because there's a design in place, then you have to like relinquish the control and understand that it's going, the world's going to work the way it's going to work, right, it's going to flow the way it's going to flow.
Speaker 1:And if you can set your expectations appropriately with that right, again like we're back to the happiness equation of like this is about how things happen versus your expectations of how things are happening. So if you can kind of balance and, you know, get to that place of life is going to unfold, the way life is going to unfold and I can relinquish, control my expectation is that random, crate, look, seemingly random, crazy things are going to happen, then that's great. And if I've got you know and then whatever my core truth is on how the world is in, the universe is designed, finds a sense of peace in that, and that's really what he's encouraging us is to find somewhere that you get to a sense of peace, of being able to let that go, and I think that's. I think that's beautiful?
Speaker 2:I think so too. I would agree with everything you're talking about as far as relinquishing control, because our natural state is that we want to control things that are out of control or outside of our control, and this is talking about focusing on the controllables. The reality is we're born, we die. There's something that happens in between that, but everyone that is living was born and everyone that is living will die, and so I think a lot of this book also talks through how he came to the grips that there was an expiration date for his son. We just sometimes get thrown off when the expiration date is something that we don't have any control over, setting or knowing, and so when he talks about this sort of evolution of all of it, it's about the acceptance of something that we don't understand, and so perhaps this chapter can help you if you're also grappling with something, whether it's loss of any sort Maybe it's a loss of a life, maybe it's a loss of a job, a loss of a relationship, a loss of even money of some sort it's about accepting that something can come beyond that experience. It sort of actually gets me thinking about whether or not you have a religious background.
Speaker 2:I think that probably a lot of people have ever heard of the story of Job. And Job was this character in the Old Testament of the Bible who went through a lot of trials and a lot of tribulations, so much so that he lost everything. He lost his family, he lost his farm, he lost his animals, his livelihood, he lost his health. He was at the bottom of the pit of despair of having nothing in life. And as the story goes on, if you read it as a story he is redeemed from that and gets doubly more than he lost.
Speaker 2:But I often struggle with that story because I said to my mom not even long ago is it good that he got double of what he lost? He still lost. He lost his kids, he lost his wife, he lost animals, he lost his home. Just because you get double, it doesn't take away the pain of loss. And even in this case Mo lost his son. He may have found happiness, he may have solved for happy, but it still doesn't take away that. I'm sure he must still some days think, whether it's with fondness or sadness, that that thing he lost you can never really retrieve.
Speaker 1:Right, right, yeah, and I think I think you're spot on. Right Like any, there is no replacement for some losses, right Like, and there's no. And especially when you think about the experience that you go through to do it. Right Like you, you lost all of your belongings in a flood years ago. You now have a house that has full of belongings and all that sort of stuff, but it doesn't, that doesn't replace the things you lost and it doesn't and it doesn't fix the experience that you went through.
Speaker 1:Right Like, yes, life moves forward. Yes, things happen that you, things happen that push us along as we go, but I don't know, I think we ingrain that stuff in us. Right, we incorporate losses and things like that. And if we can get to this place where and we can let go of the fact that, and he says you know the design is just functional, right Like, the world is just, he's like. He says life is just what it is, like it is what it is. So it's like I feel like it's kind of a bit of a cop-out, but like I think there's a real truth in like it just is what it is. Things happened right like, and accepting that fact and accepting that you know, the design is just functional. It's the way the life, it's the way the world works, it's the way the universe works sometimes, and if you can get to a place where it's not always going to work the way you would have designed it, the way you would have liked to have controlled it, there's freedom and release and peace in that, I think.
Speaker 2:I think so too. I would suggest that think about it, that life really isn't random. Believe in something as, as some people may call God or a designer or whatever, as opposed to lack of any sort of design. Lack of design would would infer chaos, and so you have to think about again. If you're not the creator of the design, then are you just really along for the ride of it? So, for example, when I met you, I in my mind know exactly where we were, where we were sitting, how I met you. I don't exactly remember what the clothes were that you were wearing, but I knew in my heart then that instantly I knew I wanted to be friends with you. I just knew.
Speaker 2:And so what is it about that? Was there a randomness to the fact that that day you were sitting there? Now, we couldn't predict that seven, eight years later we would start a podcast together or that we would have an opportunity to grow together as friends through an awful experience that we both had to experience at the same time. And so is there randomness to that Like, could you say that in the quilt of life, well, in order to get at the same time? And and so is there randomness to that Like could you say that in the quilt of life? Well, in order to get to the point where today we are talking about this book on this podcast, we had to first meet. There's a lot of things that happened way in between then, because we didn't just go from the meeting to suddenly now we're talking about this chapter.
Speaker 1:Right exactly, exactly, yeah, and it's like life just unfolds the way it needs to unfold and like is there, you know, is there meant to be in some things. Like people choose to believe that, some people choose not to believe that right and like, and it really and I think the point of this is like it really doesn't matter what you believe, as long as you come to a belief on the fact that, like, the world is going to unfold in a certain way, right, like it is just going to happen. Right, there are predictable things that happen. I throw a rock into a lake and there will be ripples.
Speaker 1:Right, there is a design to, to the world in a way and like how you want to reconcile that and how you want to put beliefs around, that's totally up to you. But I think as long as you can get to a point of reconciling that, then it gives you this space to solve this happiness equation in a way where you can balance it Right. And that's the whole point of this like a visual with a balanced scales, and it's like the events always abide by the equations of design and the expectations match how the design equations always behave, and so then by design, the equation is balanced of. There's this design that I can get behind in whatever space I want to get behind. Then the scale is always sort of in equilibrium at default, right, because what's going to happen like, like, like just is what it is. It's going to happen the way it's going to happen.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. I think. Towards the end of the chapter he sort of talks about how, if the design is going to happen like you just said, that it's just going to happen anyway, then you can't blame the design. You live inside of that design because you are a part of that design.
Speaker 2:But what I love about his ending is he talks about how, basically, our objective is that if what's going to happen is going to happen the way it's supposed to happen, regardless of what we think, feel or do, then if we can accept life as it is but just focus on happiness, then our experience in this design can be in an elevated state, which is maybe what the solving of happiness is about Is that you can't construct something that you didn't put the pieces together for, I suppose. And so if you can focus on accepting happiness and accepting life the way it is, the way he ends this is by saying that you'll find rest, you'll find peace, you'll find joy, you'll reject illusions and seek what is real, and maybe that that that part of the sentence is a little evasive, like what is real to you may not be real to me, but for him what was real was finding the solace in the loss of his son and finding happiness through living a legacy of his son, what his son left behind.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, yeah, I completely, I completely agree with that. And he says at the very end, like, focus on your happiness equation, it's the only one you can fully control. Right, and it just reminds me of, like I don't know, just the age old advice of, like, focus on what you is in your control, because whatever's going to happen is going to happen around you. You can't control the people, you can't control the events. Right, and again, like, if you're thinking about the world around you as this program that's running, then yeah, you can't. It's like being in a video game. Right, I feel like the Matrix. Right, like you're in the Matrix. The Matrix is running, but what can I control about it? Right, I can control that. I'm aligning expectations in a way that makes sense for me to how life is unfolded and therefore, I will sit in happiness, I will sit in, I will elevate to joy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think one thing that as I'm thinking about my kids, as you're talking this through, sam is there's also a difference, though, between just saying, well, I just accept life as it is, like the Eeyore kind of a philosophy, versus embracing life and doing something about the life that you have. And so if you weigh those scales on the side of happiness, you may be able to accept life the way it is, but through a different lens. In fact, I was telling a friend of mine this morning he we usually do these monthly coaching updates with one another, like we're both coaches, but we coach each other, and, and so I always start my updates for him with all the things that I want to get out of my system. So all the purging first, and then I end it with all the things I'm grateful for and the great things, because we talked about this in an episode, maybe months and months ago, about how there's no real such thing as good or bad in life. They're just as life, but it's our perception of the good versus the bad.
Speaker 2:And so when I was writing to him this morning, as I was reading the stuff I was updating, I'm like, oh my gosh, my month really sucked. There was so much bad that happened this month. But then there was the dot dot dot and there was equally, if not more so good. That happened this month as well. And so, as I sat back sort of laughing at the post, we both have gone through some happiness and positive intelligence training in the past, and so we both were able to look back as well on his update to me and say, all right now, if we can crumple up all the stuff that happened that we can't control and that's over with, and now focus on that stuff that also happened in the past but we can control, which is our, our future forward, thinking about gratitude and happiness and peace and relationship and community, how much better will our day be.
Speaker 2:And we both left that update today just feeling so I hope, yeah, so, and that's what these, these podcasts, do for me as well, as I was telling Sam when we were talking off the microphone that, if for nothing else, we hope that you as the listener, if you got the book, that you were able to take your own deep dive, and if you didn't get the book, that maybe you'll consider doing that, and that the more we talk about this topic of happiness for throughout the whole year. Every Wednesday there will be a new episode that maybe those subconscious thoughts will come into your conscious being and that you'll find your way into living a more peaceful, joyful, happy life. I know for me it absolutely has been that way for me, as we've gone through this process together it absolutely has been that way for me as we've gone through this process together.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, I agree it's so fun to explore these concepts and this book's been interesting, right, like this chapter was. It was quite long and there was a lot in it where I was like, oh, my head's kind of exploding with some of the things you went through and I feel like I felt like that a lot with this. But going through this with you and talking it out, yeah it out, yeah, I mean it's just helped kind of make it tangible, make it real, reconcile some of the more you know, just meta things we discuss in the book. But getting around to, yeah, you, if you can set the expectations right, then you really have a chance at real joy, real happiness.
Speaker 1:And I think that this chapter on design is, you know, really reconciling that the world around you has a certain design to it and however you want to believe that, but like finding a peaceful place in that to you know, from which you live your truth and you live that space you know is. I think that there's something really nice to that and I like that this is the last of the five ultimate truths, right, because we started with you know now, and change and love and death, and you know now, sitting here at like, zooming way, way out and helping you find peace and a place in this giant universe that we live in. I think that that's, I don't know. I liked, I liked the design of how this went.
Speaker 2:I agree with you. So next week is the last chapter of this book. We hope you'll join us. It's the afterward, but the afterward brings us forward into what we're going to be doing next. So maybe next week what we'll talk about is the end of this book and preparing you for the next book. If you don't already have the next book and you want to purchase that, scott, we'll have a link in the show notes. It's called the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. We'll look forward to being with you next week, but for this week my name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, thanks for joining us for another episode of what's On your Bookshelf.