What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
86 - The Happiness Project - August
Ever considered how reflecting on mortality can reshape your life? We dive into this thought-provoking topic, drawing connections to Simon Sinek's concept of the Infinite Game. By focusing on long-term legacy rather than short-term gains, we unpack how mindfulness and intentional reflection can foster resilience and happiness. Through personal anecdotes and gratitude journaling practices, we illustrate the transformative power of capturing moments of joy amidst life's uncertainties.
Are you ready to cultivate happiness and gratitude with just a single sentence a day? In our discussion, we highlight the benefits of journaling, annual reminders, and tools like the Passion Planner. Learn the significance of emulating spiritual masters and influential thinkers to inspire your personal development. Wrapping up, we express heartfelt gratitude to our listeners, inviting you to share your thoughts and experiences—your feedback not only enriches our podcast but also fosters a community of growth and happiness. Join us, and let's explore the profound impact of choosing happiness together.
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone. Welcome back to another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the pages of the books on our bookshelves. The book we took off of our shelf that we're reading is the Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today again with my friend and co-host, sam Powell, and we've been exploring this book that is structured in such a way that there's a project to consider every single month of the year, and today we're up to August and the goal for us with this book is we're doing this multi-episode series to get to the end of the year and the end of the book so that you could construct your own happiness project at the top of the year. Sam, great to be here with you today.
Speaker 1:So good to be here with you. It's funny. As we're getting through this, I just kept thinking about the order of these happiness books that we've been doing and I just what I'm enjoying about this one is it's like the application of the last two that we've read right. Like the last two, like the first one was all the research, all the like what makes you happy, what are things that you could be doing, right. So it was kind of like this theoretical. Here's a bunch of options for for you.
Speaker 1:The last one was like one guy's take on, you know, again like the theory of happiness and what really could make you happy and you know how. And again, some things to think about, some things to accept, some things to reject, some things to do. But this is one person's practical application, right, it's the story of her doing this and living this out loud, right, living her research out loud, and I just I love the way this has come together because I loved the, you know, the way the first two really work together as far as, like, what does make you happy, what are the things you need to think about, what are the things you need to be, you know, really considering and doing, and then just this journey of watching somebody else do it and right, and like, going through her project, like I wouldn't do all that, like my resolutions wouldn't be her resolutions, you know, but it's just so nice thinking about what she's doing and thinking about how I could make my own happiness project, you know, come new year. Right, like what are the things I would want to focus on? And it kind of gives you like a structure which I think is fun. Right, like I love a good template that helps you, you know, kind of do this on your own.
Speaker 1:And so, like I've just really like it hit me as I was reading, like the end of the book and you know, preparing and then re looking at some of my highlights for this chapter is like it's just this is such a like neat thing for people to really think about doing, because it takes this into action. Right, it takes you into how do you do it. What does it look like if someone were to apply all the things we've learned? And like that's what she's doing? And we keep coming across things that she's like, oh, we learned from research. And it's like, oh, I remember that from you. Know the research we read in the books we read previously. So it's just.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's just again like the way this has all fallen and the way this has come together, which you know. We have a bit of a strategy, but we didn't really know, so I just I like that really hit me this week for some reason.
Speaker 2:I love that. I would think it's serendipitous because I was thinking earlier this week, looking back at all the episodes we've done since the beginning, and we didn't know when we started where we would be today. But now that we look back, everything has absolutely perfectly aligned up the way. Even Ikigai led itself into John Wooden, which led itself to James Clear, which led itself to this year, and I can't wait. We probably have, I don't know maybe four or five more episodes before we reveal what we're doing next year, and I'm excited about next year as well. And just to give you all a little hint preview, we actually know what we're going to do next year and at least part of, if not all, of, the year after that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm super excited. I'm looking at half of the books for the upcoming year and I'm like, oh, I just can't wait to finish these ones that we're on to get to the next ones. And yeah, such an exciting like it's just yeah, the journey has been super fun and you know, I really, really enjoy that. And you know, as she moves into August, you know we came from the money chapter right, like of you know, focusing on what could you do with money to up your happiness. And then this is, I love the way she, you know, kind of started.
Speaker 1:I love the way she started this chapter with this sort of like all right, I'm done with the money part of it, like it was nice and like, yeah, I'm convinced there are things you can do with money, but like I just need to step outside of that like worldly thought process. And I think we do this right. When we work on something, we're like, oh, we're gonna work, work in this area, and then it's like I'm kind of exhausted in this area so I need the palate cleanser. The opposite of that. So to go from money to contemplating the heavens and eternity is an interesting shift, but I also think kind of a natural, a weirdly natural shift.
Speaker 2:Yes, she's on this journey to elevate her happiness. But the question is, why Like? Does it even really matter? I was reading this post this morning that was on LinkedIn and this poor guy named Joe I don't know him, he's like a third connection, so not even close but somehow remember yesterday maybe we were talking about what is it that people get a tipping point for Like? What is it that people get a tipping point for Like? What is it that tips their posts into becoming viral?
Speaker 2:Well, this guy was talking about how he's just mentally wrecked. He lost his job. I like to say that you don't lose your job. Your job loses you. It's just that they make a business decision and it's a decision that's about their business and you are a human that lives in the business. So, in any case, his post was all about how you know, we just don't talk about these things and we should stay better connected and be able to be authentic. And there was there were hundreds of comments in there about agreeing or disagreeing about using LinkedIn as a place to share your real thoughts around things, but what I noticed about it, sam, was there were 2,800 by now. Maybe even more likes, loves, whatever. I wish there were unlike choices on certain posts because I felt bad for him.
Speaker 2:But the point of this post and the point of this chapter is that, sam, we don't have infinite amounts of time, but we have a choice with what we do with the time that we do have.
Speaker 2:And it got me thinking about some of the people I'm working with lately who either hate their situation, they have a mismatch with their manager, they feel stuck or stressed out or burnt out, or there's somebody whose job displaced them and they just feel like they're in this sea of the unknown and not sure where to go and what to do.
Speaker 2:And so when I was thinking about how she moved from money into this, it's almost as if she had to elevate her thinking from the things that we short-term need to have for our personal gains or for those quick things that we think make us happy. And you remember it was early on in Dr Sandra Leiber-Mersky's book where she said money doesn't buy you happiness. Right. And so if she's exploring how to elevate her happiness, but she's thinking beyond her life in this earth, I just thought that was quite something for her to contemplate it. But then she starts by talking about reading stories, about catastrophe, and so it almost went in a weird turn for not the eternity that we think of as this beautiful heavenly place, but she was talking about thinking about catastrophes.
Speaker 1:I, I love this little tidbit she says as she gets into this where it's a conversation with her husband, and she's like you know, when I mentioned uh, you know my husband, I was gonna focus on eternity he looks at her suspiciously and says you're not going to engage in a lot of morbid activities, are you? And I laughed out loud because I could totally see my husband doing this, because I'm like, oh, I'm reading about this or this is he's like you're not gonna become some weird like hippie. But their whole conversation was hilarious because he asked that question of you're not gonna engage in a lot of morbid activities and her internal thought was that sounds interesting, which again, is like totally something I would do, where I'm like, oh, this could be a good idea it was kind of funny because she even said to him I promise you, I won't put any skulls on the coffee table yeah, exactly like.
Speaker 1:I just giggled about that because, you know, sometimes when we're working on our own personal growth, yeah, the path we go down makes sense to us, right, and it's not us going off on some insane tangent, it's just a tangent to help us expand our thinking, expand our perspective. But to someone who's not sitting on the journey with you, like who's not you in the driver's seat of the journey, it does sometimes look a little crazy and I just giggled at that because I'm like I could 100% see me and my husband having that exact conversation.
Speaker 2:Yes, exactly. Well, she says she had this memento mori, reading memoirs about people facing death, and I remember reading a book. It was called the Last Lecture. I'd have to look up who wrote it. But, scott, how about we put a link in the show notes for our friends?
Speaker 2:It's a really small and short read, but it's basically the story about a guy who found out that he was terminal, and so he started journaling and writing out what he wanted this last part of his life to look like, and even though you could think of this as a morbid time for him, he looked at it through a happiness lens, if you will, and he ended up having what he felt like was the most rewarding time of his life. And it actually makes me think about this other lady that I used to work with in our former job Well, my job that I had before I met you so the same company, but a different part of the company, and she was a full-time caretaker, and so she and her sister decided that they were going to have to make a really hard decision to change their life. Like here's a lady who spent 50, 60, 70 hours a week invested in her ladder climbing career, if you will, and she wanted to get off the ladder because what was most important was her family and her father in this case and so she actually kind of journaled this in her LinkedIn profile. For the year that she spent with her dad, she took him to his bucket list items.
Speaker 2:Not every day was great, because he was also ill, but she got to experience time with him. That was maybe the first time since she was a little girl that she was able to spend with him. The first time since she was a little girl that she was able to spend with him. And there's just something about the thought that if you knew that today was your last day, what would you do? In fact, there's a really great song about that. I can't remember if Matthew West is the singer, I'd have to look it up but basically the lyrics say something like if today was your last day, how would you live it? And we don't know, it could be both of our last day, yeah.
Speaker 1:And she says that as she was reading these books and as she's contemplating, right, because she read, I mean, a lot of memoirs about people who, right, found out they had terminal illnesses or were moving through grief because they lost someone or you know, just all these things that were like, they're these big moment, like life shifting type of things. But she said that everyday life seems so permanent and unshakable but, as I was reminded by these writers, it can be destroyed by a single phone call. Right, it's the phone call that changes everything, it's the you know piece of news that changes everything. And, you know, there is, I think, something to that contemplation of and she has a quote by Buddha in here that also says of all the mindfulness meditations that on death is supreme, right, Like the contemplating the end of your life, contemplating your death, contemplating what would it be if this was the last day of your life, like you're saying. Right, that is the ultimate meditation, the ultimate mindfulness type of a thought process. Right, because if you were to live with that thought in mind, how would you behave differently? What would that really look like for you?
Speaker 1:And it made me think of Simon Sinek's Infinite Game. You know, I love Simon Sinek's work. But you know, in a finite game, the point of the game is to win. Right, you've got a goal. You're trying to accomplish that. You're trying to win. In an infinite game, the point of the game is to stay in. The game is to that thought process is that people who are concerned with an infinite game rather than a finite game like thinking about your career, thinking about business, especially, right, your life are far more concerned with their legacy than with you know, what's happening right now. And I think about this is like the same thing If you're thinking about your death. If you're thinking about your death, if you're thinking about the legacy that you'll leave behind, what would you do differently in this day, in this week, in this moment?
Speaker 1:Right, I was listening to a podcast from a coach and she was saying the same thing. It was like just this week too. So this all kind of came together for me in the last couple of days. But she was just talking about, you know, like it's a profitable coach podcast, where it's like she's, you know, running a business, all that sort of good stuff. But she said, you know, what she's most concerned with, you know isn't necessarily purpose, but I think it really comes down to. That is what's the legacy she's leaving for her great, great grandkids, right? What are the words she's writing down? What are the words she's writing down? What are the things that she's putting out there in the world that can benefit people she'll never meet right? She'll never know. And it's this concern with legacy, it's this concern for when I'm gone, when the end is here. If this was my last day, what would I do? And I think that there's something so spiritual in that thought process and in that, you know, meditative exploration.
Speaker 2:I think so too. One of my favorite John Maxwell quotes says once you have tasted significance, success no longer satisfies. And what it basically means is that you go to school for all those years so that you can get a good job and a career. And then you get the job and you climb a ladder and for many, many thousands of people, the ladder fell off the building in the last two years. People were displaced from their jobs and feeling lost because they were caught up in the title of what they did, not who they were, and there's a lot of people struggling with that.
Speaker 2:If you're listening to this podcast and that's your story, reach out to us at least for an initial complimentary discovery call, because coaching can help. These books help. I can say with absolute, 100% confidence and certainty and conviction that when Sam and I set out on this adventure yes, it was that we already both loved personal growth and self-development and leadership development, business development for ourselves. Things could change us. Why would we hold it to ourselves and not share it with other people? And I'm so grateful for it. Which is probably a good segue to where she goes in the book is that she talks about keeping a gratitude notebook, but right before she did that, she said something that I know that you do, Sam, which is she was talking about this concept of what, if you just every day only wrote one sentence, and it got me thinking about the journal that you have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is her complimentary journal to this. I think it's actually technically the next part, or maybe it's. No, it's part of this, but she has. It's called the Happiness Project Journal, so it's associated with the book. It's got the same color schemes. If you have the book, it looks the same, but it is a five-year journal.
Speaker 1:That's one sentence long, and so you are just supposed to write down one thing that really makes you happy, that really makes you grateful for that day, what's that little, tiny memory that you would otherwise forget, that's going to make you smile at the end of the day? Right, and it's funny, I got this journal from one of my really good friends, one of my bridesmaids at my wedding, and she gave it to me right after my son died of just a way to capture the little happy moments, right, that it wasn't all sad, it wasn't all doom and gloom, it wasn't all hopelessness and lost. There were still little things that did that. And because I've written this stuff down, because I've kept note of it and I go back and I look at it, right, some of these memories that probably would have been lost to the fog of grief, to the fog of everyday life as we moved back into that are captured and still bring me joy, still bring me happiness. You know, in those little, in those little tiny things and it's funny, I kind of did this, naturally. Anyways, I have a notebook on my folder or I have a notebook in my phone, that's the same thing. That is just like when there's this little moment that I'm like I just want to remember.
Speaker 1:Most of it is like things Austin says, but it's like what are those little tiny things that I just want to capture Because it helps me feel grateful for the life that I live, for the. You know the moments that happen in my everyday life. So she has we'll get a link for Scott for the actual journal itself, but it is, it's one sentence. It is lower the bar of entry here for this. It is what is one little moment today that happened? And as you collect this stuff, you would be so surprised, and especially as you do a whole year and then you start on the next year, cause then you're naturally reading the you know the thing from the previous year. It just helps you with that. I am grateful for this life that I've lived, I am grateful for these little things that kind of are mundane but really, you know, really matter at the end of the day. They matter to what makes me happy and what brings me like a joy and smile to my face and that kind of a thing.
Speaker 2:And you know it's not really about living in your past, but it's taking those past moments. And if you can segregate, if you will, the happy moments and dissipate the less happy moments this is not magic, this is neuroscience those happy moments will come to the front of your memory and to the front of your mind, which goes into your being. Because if everything starts in your mind as thoughts which we know is true from science then why not fill your mind with happy thoughts? And that's the purpose of this gratitude notebook and this concept. And, in fact, if we're talking about things that bring the past into the present and into the future, one of the things that I've done for years with my team and for myself, is we do something called a time capsule. So, whether it's on their work anniversary, their birthday, or maybe, if you're from the United States, we do it around the Thanksgiving holiday, where we take that moment and, with intention, set aside the time to write down all the things that we're experiencing right then, like what are our fears, what are our hopes and dreams, our passions, our potential, our purpose, the things going on at work, the things that are making us happy, the things that are giving us angst and then we put into the time capsule that this is a snapshot, the time capsule that this is a snapshot. And so what do we hope? That next year, when we open the time capsule, the future me will get to see, and I can tell you I have had so many conversations with people that once they open the time capsule the next year, it's a very meaningful and very powerful experience.
Speaker 2:And last year when I opened mine, it hit me significantly because I actually was opening one that was with a person that I was coaching, and so that thing they wrote what happens is you make an appointment with yourself for that future date the following year, so that it shows up with what you wrote. Future date the following year, so that it shows up with what you wrote. I opened the time capsule, sam, and I started to cry because not only was the post beautiful about what this person wanted for their future and the things they were dreaming about and the things they had accomplished and where they had come from, that they were so proud of themselves. But between that date and the date I opened the time capsule, the person passed away and I read that and I thought, at least in those moments of her writing it, she had this hope for the future.
Speaker 2:I could have been sad and just thought well, now she's gone, but what I was able to take with me from her time capsule was all of those things that I cherished about her, and now it has become a core memory, a conscious memory for me, and I think we talked about this last week, I think. But if you haven't seen the movie Inside Out or Inside Out 2 from Pixar, go see these films. They talk about how you do have some power to control the core memories that are within your mind, and it's just a beautiful way of thinking about how you can capture something beautiful. And so, for gratitude, if you don't like journaling, have never tried journaling it's not that hard to start with just a sentence.
Speaker 1:The first time you had me do that the next year. It was really great to see what my hopes had been for the future and to see how far I had come or how much things had changed, and it really did put a lot of like gratefulness in my heart of that. And, yeah, it's such an easy thing to do. It is literally go out one year in the future, put a date, you know, put a, put a reminder on your calendar, but right in that reminder, everything for this year and then you just do that and it's like it's a good thing to do on holidays. It's a great thing to do, maybe for your birthday, right, just some kind of annual something for you or someday. That means something. But I, yeah, it's a. It's such a great, great exercise. I would encourage anyone to do it because the reflection part of it is so powerful and the being able to recognize an entire year's worth of growth and change in yourself is is priceless and you know, and really interesting. So, yeah, one of my favorites.
Speaker 2:We talk a lot about the passion planner and, scott, let's put a coupon code for the passion planner in our show notes for our friends. But the passion planner has a monthly journal. So now we've talked about you can have a daily one sentence journal. You can have a daily long diary. You can have this, send yourself a note once a year.
Speaker 2:The passion planner has a monthly look back. So it asks things like how are you different this month than you were from the month before? What are the things you're planning for the next month? Some practical things. But then it also says what are you and who are you especially grateful for in this past month? And it will give you pause, because if you don't sit down and think about those things and you let the whole month go by and you have nothing to be grateful for and no one to be grateful toward, then there's something wrong there, right, right, that's something that you want to address, that you want to do something with, because that's how we end up waking up and we're like, how did two years pass me by, how did six months pass me by?
Speaker 1:and I think that anything you can do to mark time a little bit right in some kind of regular cadence for yourself helps you recenter and bring you back to, kind of where you're, you know where you're at and you know, and then things like that. But yeah, this is. She wraps this chapter up by talking about imitating a spiritual master. So she has a lot in this chapter, a lot in this section in this chapter, about, like, what do other people do? Like, right, we're giving you things you could imitate, but you know, really like taking anyone you consider a spiritual master, and that can be, it could be from a religious movement.
Speaker 1:Some of the examples that people gave were, you know, just great thinkers, right, just great writers, just great. You know, people who have thrown information out there in the world for others to consume, and maybe for you it's somebody you follow on TikTok, right, like that's that's okay, but something that is someone who's really takes you into that like thoughtful, contemplative, outside of yourself, bigger space. But she tried to. She found someone she really enjoyed and was trying to imitate what she really, you know, respected about this person, what she liked about this person.
Speaker 2:I just thought it was an.
Speaker 1:It was an interesting journey to like watch her talk about the person she had chosen and you know, go through that, go through you know.
Speaker 2:I think what I'll close with for today, sam, for me is something that she wrote right at the end of this chapter and when I think back to the way Mo Gaudet lived and the way that his son lived and the way that Dr Sonia taught us and the way that James Clear outlined to elevate the best habits in your life, and absolutely the way that Dr Sonia taught us and the way that James Clear outlined to elevate the best habits in your life, and absolutely the way John Wooden's father taught him, which what we're talking about, friends, is. All of the podcasts we've had so far is summed up in this chapter, where she says that philosophers, scientists, saints and charlatans all give instruction on how to be happy, but this doesn't matter to a person who doesn't want to be happy. If you don't believe you're happy, then you're not, as Publius Cyrus. I'm not pronouncing that right, but something Mr Cyrus observed no man is happy who does not think himself. So If you think you are happy, then you are.
Speaker 2:That's why somebody named Therese says I take care to appear happy and especially to be so. So if you are thinking about how this chapter lends itself into eternity and you think about what will people say about you when you're gone, what will your epitaph read? I want people to say that I didn't just pretend to be happy, or that I was never happy, or that I was on a quest for something elusive being happy that I never caught. I want people to say I knew her as somebody who lived a life that was happy and joyful.
Speaker 1:I love that Right, and I and I think, at the end of the day, that's truly what it all comes down to Like. Anytime I talk to a client, anytime I talk to a family member, a friend, it all comes back to that's what we want. We want to be happy and I love that. I love that quote that you did. I had that. I love that quote that you did, I had that. I had that whole section highlighted.
Speaker 1:And she says that I realized that the loving thing to do would have been to act happy, not only for myself but for them.
Speaker 1:Right, and for you to be happy, for you to pursue your own happiness is a way for you to care for others right, to care for your impact in this world, because if you can truly find happiness, other people around you can too, and it spreads. Right, like you can't be around a happy person and be really miserable. Right, like you know you just can. And so if you can think of yourself as happy, like you're saying, right, like you know you just can. And so if you can think of yourself as happy, like you're saying, right, with that quote of I'm happy if I think I'm happy, right, and I can't be happy if I don't think I'm happy, and to me that's that is like. I think that the perspective she ends with is that's the gift to the world you can give right, like that can be your legacy, that can be the thing you spread, and like that is a life well lived, I mean that would be a lovely epitaph.
Speaker 2:I think so too, and next week we're going to talk about one of the things that should make you happy, which is following your passions, so that'll be our chapter for next week. This has been great to be with you, sam. I always feel happier when I talk with you, and learning about this book through your lens is such a cool, fun way for me, because I read the book by myself, but reading it with you and hearing how you have interpreted certain things, it elevates my happiness too, so thank you for that.
Speaker 1:And I would love to hear from other people too. Right, like one of my favorite things is when I get a text from somebody after they've listened to an episode and they're like, oh, here's my thought, or here's the thing that I did with this. So like, if you're listening, I mean really, like Denise and I are just people, like just DM us on LinkedIn or whatever. Like there's our contact information in the show notes. Like we would love to hear from you. It would make me so happy to hear a story about your thoughts on this, about how this is, you know, how this is going for you. Like that would be great. So, please, please, please, reach out to us. I would just love to hear that. It helps us learn, it helps us grow, cause I agree with you, denise, I learned so much from your perspective and your thoughts and your stories on how this is getting integrated into your life Awesome.
Speaker 2:Well, friends, thank you for being here with us again. My name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, this has been another episode of what's On your Bookshelf.