What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
102 - Five Bold Choices: Rise above Your Circumstances and Redefine Your Life - Chapter 1: Clarity
Clarity isn't just a buzzword; it's a game-changer in our journey toward success. Imagine stepping away from the chaos of everyday life to truly focus on what matters—this is the essence we're capturing in our latest episode of "What's On Your Bookshelf." We begin our exploration of "The Five Bold Choices" by Jay Coughlin and Larry Julian, highlighting the pivotal role of clarity. Personal anecdotes shed light on how removing ourselves from familiar distractions helps us prioritize meaningful pursuits over life's noise. We also tackle the concept of energy, identifying those pesky "energy vampires" and the uplifting forces that energize us, drawing inspiration from philosophies like Marie Kondo's tidying approach.
Taking time for self-reflection is an investment in yourself that pays dividends. We discuss how setting aside moments for clarity can lead to effective decision-making, especially in times of crisis. By assessing our goals and obstacles, we align our actions with our aspirations, paving the way for a fulfilling year. Your feedback on methods for gaining clarity matters, and we're excited to hear your thoughts. Get ready for next week's conversation on accountability, where my accountability buddy, Sam, will join us. Thank you for tuning in to "What's On Your Bookshelf"—we can't wait to continue this enlightening journey with you.
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone. Welcome back to another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is a life and leadership podcast where we are living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today with my co-host, sam Powell, and we are going through a brand new book for the year. It's called the Five Bold Choices by Jay Coughlin and Larry Julian. If you missed the episode last week, we did an intro as to what the book is, why it's on our shelves or why it's off of our shelves, and today is the first of the five bold choices. Sam, looking forward to talking with you today about bold choice number one yeah, I'm really excited.
Speaker 1:I love this one because this one taps into goal setting and all that sort of good stuff, which you know I'm super passionate about. So I definitely resonated with this, you know. First, bold choice, and so right. So this book is about rising above your circumstances and redefining your life, and the way that the authors are telling us to do this is by you making five bold choices, and these are things that you do in big spaces and little spaces. These are things that you know are kind of done every day, and this one is clarity all about keeping the important things important. So, as we started this chapter, denise, like what did you, what did you think as we, as we started to get going here?
Speaker 2:Well, I was sharing with you off camera that for me, sometimes to get clarity and to focus on what's important, I have to remove myself from my normal surroundings, and so this week, as we're recording this, I'm not home, I'm in a hotel, because I figured, if I could have every distraction removed from me, from my home office, that I could really focus and get clear on where I wanted to go into the new year.
Speaker 2:And so, for me, keeping the important things important is the most important thing, and so that's how we kick off this part of the chapter. One important thing that I'm going to ask for your help with is that usually I'm a lot more organized than I feel right now because I am outside of my normal surroundings. So keep me honest on the clock, because I can't see the clock, since I'm recording this actually from my phone. And so another thing, friends, that's important to know is that if today's sound is a little off or if we have some technical glitches, just know that what's important to us is that we are consistent and that we get out the content on a weekly basis, so that we're not only sharing it with you, but that we get out the content on a weekly basis, so that we're not only sharing it with you, but that we're growing together. And so for me, this was a really important kickoff to the chapter Sam, because it started by talking about the burden that we carry of being busy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, like, as we think about, you know, a new year starting and you know we're setting people, set resolutions and things like that A lot of that really is this attempt to get clear to in the middle of our busyness, right, like for, you know, those of you that celebrate holidays at the end of the year, or new year holidays or things like that right, the end and beginning of the year is usually a pretty busy time for people, and so when we get to January, it's so much about, well, what do I want this year to be and what does that look like.
Speaker 1:And so it is really stepping out of that busyness and thinking about what you know, what is most important and I love that of the five bold choices, we start with clarity, because I think that that is always the starting place for people, right, get super clear on who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go by, when do you want to get there, what things are going to get in your way, right, I think that it's such an important thing to do, and as we think about these choices and as we think about, you know, this journey, this is kind of the perfect time of year to think about these things and especially, especially, clarity and especially, you know, really discerning what is a distraction versus what is, you know, really serving us towards where we want to go.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. In the very first part of this chapter he talks about, or asking, I guess, what is distracting you from what's most important? And so I started thinking for myself and I wrote in my book. I'm a person that writes in my book.
Speaker 2:I fold the pages over, I use highlighters in different colors whatever's best for you when you're reading, but for me, I try to live this out loud by living in these pages, and so I started lifting, listing out all the different things that distract me from the things that I think are the most important, and some of it might even be as silly as saying well, does does laundry distract you? Does social media distract you? Does, for me, being in your house sometimes distract you, and so if you could really get clear on what things are taking you away from where you want to go. The reality is, we only have the same amount of time each day, but we don't know when our time will expire. So these distractions are actually stealing our time, and it doesn't just mean that your life needs to be about doing. It's really about a life of being, but distractions take us away from who we want to be and where we want to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that and I love the quote he's gotten here from CS Lewis that says you know, to major in majors and not major in the minors. And he's, and the author here says I found that to gain knowledge was to accumulate, yet build wisdom is to eliminate. And I think that that's what you're really talking about here. When you have these distractions is the wiser that you get, the clearer that you get on what it is you're trying to do and what this life you want to have really is. You really do think about what you eliminate. Right, to say yes to something is to say no to something else, because time is finite. It really is Like we do only have so much of it. We only have so many days, weeks, months, hours, all that sort of good stuff. And so you know, I think that the wisest of us know that there's always that trade-off and to really get clear is to really get clear on what are you saying? What are you eliminating Right? What are you saying no to?
Speaker 1:And you know the next part of this chapter. He talks about getting laser focused on the things that that matter most, and I love. As we came to this, there was a John Wooden quote. I was like oh, man, I'm so glad.
Speaker 1:Like when I started this journey with you, we started with a John Wooden book, because I swear almost every book has a John Wooden quote in it. It's great. But this one I loved is don't mistake activity with achievement, and I think about that a lot, especially like in the busyness mindset, in the busyness culture of just because I've done a lot of things doesn't mean I achieved a lot of things. Right, like if I did a lot of things that are unaligned with who I want to be, right, we hearken back to atomic habits, right, that identity that I want to have. Then I've been really busy and I've had a lot of activities, but I didn't move the lever, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't get any farther.
Speaker 1:And I think that that's what clarity is such an important thing to keep with you all of the time. Right, and these choices, these bold choices, are meant to be everyday things. Right, in the little moments that I'm maintaining clarity on. No, I'm not going to sit here and scroll my phone. I'm, you know. No, I'm not going to go, you know, do the laundry that doesn't need done right now, just as something to keep my hands busy. I, I'm going to stay where I'm at and do the thing I need to do, because I know that that's what's most important to me.
Speaker 2:I did an exercise in this part of the chapter and I totally highlighted the John Wooden quote also, and I put a smiley face next to it because, you're right, it's almost like he's like our little angel looking down on all of these episodes. But right after that, there was this. There was this statement that I turned into an exercise that I worked on and maybe it'll help you listening as well. It says to identify and prioritize your issues of substance that are relevant, meaningful and significant, and so I just shared with you a few minutes ago that I'm actually in a hotel right now, and so I took out a blank piece of paper. I'm old fashioned. I use paper and pen still, but if you prefer your computer or your cell or your iPad or whatnot, use that. But I started just listing out what are the things that mean something to me, who are the people that mean the most to me? Where am I neglecting the meaningful things in exchange for things that are not important? And by seeing it on a piece of paper, it was helping me to be a lot more laser focused as to where I'm investing my energy, and I know we're going to get to that in the next part of this chapter about the, about energy, but this is about living your life with intention, which we just finished the book on intentional living with John Maxwell.
Speaker 2:So it was kind of this other affirmation for me, sam, that we didn't really, in the beginning of starting our podcast, set out with intention for the way the books would flow, like year one was just all right.
Speaker 2:What books do I think I want to share? And then we had this aha, light bulb, brainiac moments with John Wooden that then led us into Atomic Habits, and then all of last year on the books on happiness. It just seemed like they all were very serendipitous as to how they came to be together, and no different than this one, because this one is taking everything we learned about leadership in life, everything we learned about building good habits, everything we learned about what it's like to live a happy life, and now we're learning about how do you laser focus in on all the things that matter the most, so that you don't forget all that other stuff that we learned, because for me it's so easy to get distracted and do the things that I want to do or that I'd like to do and you just don't really have the time to do everything.
Speaker 1:Right, exactly, exactly. And so it's that you know it is what you're saying. Like it's getting that it's taking that moment to really get clear on what and who and how you spend your time. And like what it really is your priority. And you know he says that you need to know your starting point, where you're going, and have an honest awareness of the obstacles in your way. Like that's where you've got to start. Like where am I now, where do I want to get to, and what things do I know right now are in my way to get there? Right, like when I sit down with clients, this is the exact conversation we have. We sit down and we talk about their vision for the future. Where is it that you're trying to get there? Like let's paint that picture vividly in color. Then let's talk about where you are right, like what is in your way to make that happen right now. Let's be very honest with ourselves here and then from there we can work towards something right. From there we have a starting place to really get moving and to really understand what we're doing.
Speaker 1:Like this is this is literally the first exercise I do with any client before they even really become a client. It's the you know. It's the introductory call, it's the you know discovery's the introductory call. It's the you know discovery aspect of where. What are you trying to do? Can I help you? And you know what do you need to help yourself? Think through this and get you know, get to that starting place. And so, for me, like I love I love the way that they talk about this and I love his shift into, like, the second part of this. Right, his first thing was first thing, you got to get really clear, be really you know, be really honest on where you're at. But you also need to gain clarity for what provides you energy and what takes energy away from you.
Speaker 1:And I think that so many people underestimate that we don't take as much time to be conscious on the energy that we have in our body. Right, because that takes us a pause that we just don't, in the busyness of life, do sometimes. Right, we just don't take the moment to like check in with ourselves and say how am I feeling? Like, oh, my energy feels low. Right, like we get past that, we get to the point of burnout before we're like this is terrible, instead of like figuring out what this waxing and waning is Like oh, I just feel really energetic, right, and I think a lot of times too, we try to bucket ourselves into I'm an introvert, I'm an extrovert and we think about it like a personality thing.
Speaker 1:But in reality, introversion and extroversion is more about where do you gain energy? Right On the extrovert, like extrovert, side of the spectrum, it's I gain energy from being around people, being in conversation, being the center of attention, whatever that is right, whatever that looks like for you, whereas the introversion side is I gain energy from quiet, from calm, from being by myself, from, you know, activities that are more inward focused. And I think that a lot of times we just don't think about that in that space and and also we tend to think I'm either this or that and it's black or white instead of a spectrum, instead of a sliding scale that we all bounce between a lot of times. But he's really talking about like, if you're getting clear on where you're trying to go, you also have to be really clear on how energy comes into your life so that you can go do the things, because if you're fighting this energy battle, you're not getting anywhere.
Speaker 2:I think also energy isn't just from things. Energy, or the zapping of it, can also come from people. I remember it was. It was actually an advertisement from the electric company and it said when are your energy vampires? And it was kind of just a cute play on the fact that there's things that suck your energy and then it ends up costing you a lot of money or time or headache or heartache or whatever it might be. And so when I read this part of the chapter, I started thinking about energy vampires and thinking about what are the things that are energy building activities. So, if you can think of again, if you do this exercise, you could put on one side things and on the other side people. What are the things that build you up or break you down, and who are the people that build you up or break you down? And on the people side? I would add a third thing, which is what energy do you get by giving of yourself to the people? Because it isn't only about getting.
Speaker 2:A lot of the energy that many of us get is from the giving, but sometimes you can be giving and giving and giving and it not be received in a way that you want to give it and giving and it not be received in a way that you want to give it.
Speaker 2:Olivia often says to me mommy, your love language is gift giving and I love giving gifts, but there's something energy zapping about giving yourself away or giving things away if they're not received, maybe in the way that you would hope or expect them to be. So, when you're thinking about these energy building activities, where do you like to be that gives you energy, or who do you like to be with that builds your energy? Because you can't give energy away if you don't have it within and in. Some of this is about your thinking, and we often talk about this, don't we that your results in your life it aren't just from the actions, they come from the thinking. And if you can get your thinking right and really focus on what's important to you why is it important to you, who is important to you, why are those things meaningful in your life then you can focus on well, what are you going to do about it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that you know that's it's one of the good things to question about yourself is is this line of thinking, is this like pattern of thinking that I have serving me or not serving me, right? Is it bringing me down into a space of no energy to get moving or does it pull me up into a space where I can do something with it? And I think that, at our best, are all of all those things aligned the way we think guides us into actions and towards people and towards giving activities that all bring us, bring us energy rather than draining it. And I like the exercise that you're proposing right Of just finding those categories and really thinking through that list because, yeah, I mean, we've all have people in our lives who drain energy rather than give it to.
Speaker 1:We've all met that person, you know, as we, as we go through life, right and um, and we've also met the opposite person who, just every time you're around them, you're like man. I just feel like I could do anything after a conversation with one of those people and I think that that's something to be really clear on who are the types of people, who are the actual people, what are the actual activities and things and line of thinking and thought processes that guide me towards energy that I need to do, the things I want to do, because I'm not getting anywhere if I don't have any fuel right, like you, just don't you know, this book is about choices.
Speaker 2:This chapter is about clarity, and sometimes there's things that fit you in one scenario that don't maybe serve you best in another scenario I was thinking about on the way to where I am out of town right now. I was on the plane and the flight attendant came by and said OK, do you want coffee, tea or water? Well, all things could fill me up. I enjoy all three things. But in that moment I knew there was one thing that I wanted more than the other thing. And then she said, okay, and do you want chips or cookies? Well, she didn't say the third choice, but there's always a third choice, which is well, neither I didn't want either one.
Speaker 2:So sometimes your choices don't have to be about taking in more. You could still have a fulfilled life with less. In fact, that may be actually our theme for next year. I think is where we talk about living in the joy of having less in our life. But in this case it's about really looking at how you can get the most clarity by clearing away clutter. We talk about this in Marie Kondo. At some point she's going to have to start paying us for how much we talk about her book too.
Speaker 2:I think you know, clearing away chaos to find clarity is where the authors sort of shift. This, which is where they start talking about how do you work through crisis and tension and how do you become even a person that is able to navigate, like you said, these obstacles, because you've got the map that you just described. There's a beginning, there's an end, but there's some curves that happen along the way. I found it interesting I don't know if you highlighted this as well, sam, but when he starts this chapter, on page 54, he defines the word crisis from a Latin word that is spelled like crisis, but with a K at the beginning, and the word actually means to decide. So if you are in the midst of a crisis, it's our obligation or that choice in that crisis is to make a decision. You're either going to live in the crisis or move past it.
Speaker 1:Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, yeah, and he I mean and that's really what he's driving at here is like the true issue lies in our response, in the middle of our circumstances. Right, and, and yeah, and I like that the word crisis is to decide. And he says right before that he talks about, like it's generally defined as the crucial turning point for the better or worse. It's also defined as the point when the of the story, when the conflict, reaches its highest tension and must be resolved. And as an avid reader and a writer and things like that, right, I think about those. You know, all books have those.
Speaker 1:They have little crisis moments, but they're always escalating to like a big moment of conflict, of crisis, of something that needs resolved, and then you kind of come down from that, but it always comes down to, like, the decision of the characters. Which way are they gonna go? Right, like you, we talk about this all the time, like, I read a lot of romance novels, right, it's like, are they gonna turn towards each other and decide they want to be together despite whatever's happening, or are they going to decide that, no thanks, we're going to part our own ways, and I always read very happy romances, so they always get there happily, ever after. So it's always nice, but you know, that's when it comes down to a crisis. Yes, and that's really what it comes down to. It's well, what am I deciding to do in this moment?
Speaker 1:Right, like, it makes me think of Fred Rogers' quote of, like, always looking for the helpers. Right, looking for the people in those crisis, you know, in the middle of a crisis, taking action in that space to move us forward. And that's really the choice, right. If you're clear on where you want to go, what your goals are, and you're very clear on what's giving you energy and not, it also then lends to, you're clear on the decisions you need to make, you're clear on what it is that's going to move you forward so that you can confidently, like, step into that, into that space. And it's always. It's a hard choice a lot of times, but it's a clear choice, right. It's aligns with the values, it aligns with the goals that I've got for myself.
Speaker 2:I want to take a quick step backwards, to go forwards, based on what you just said. So if we skip back a few pages, there was some content in the section for getting laser focused. That makes me think of what you just said, which is about goals. So here we are, it's Q1. Maybe you have just started planning your goals, maybe you did it in December and now you're implementing some of those goals, but now it's time to take some action on it.
Speaker 2:And so in this section and I didn't mean to skip this over, sam, because this is such a key part to how you coach people and what we do with your signature story there was an interesting stat here that said that there was an article that came out from Yale. It was about creating wealth, and this article came out in 1980. So this is an old article, but it said that they were looking at the graduating class in the late 1950s so even older and they determined that 5% of the class had created more wealth than the other 95% combined, and so they were looking at well, what was it that made these people have this wealth at such an exorbitant amount, higher than anybody else? And I was actually yesterday walking around where I am, and there is a clear, distinct difference as to the place I'm at, where there is extraordinary wealth and extreme poverty right across the street from one another. And so what's the difference?
Speaker 2:And what they said here was that it was that the people that made goals that were clear and smart and acted on those goals were able to achieve those, and that's the point of the clarity that we're saying here. So here you are in your Q1. What's the clarity you need? What do you need to do? Who do you need to do it with? What are the things that are dragging you down or building you up? How can you get around the obstacles you have, and what do you need to do to stay laser focused on those things?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and he said that it really came down to people writing down their goals. And then he kind of goes on to say that like writing the goals the huge motivator because it helps you ask more questions. Right, when it's down on paper it's very clear, right, and especially if you spend some time really writing the goal, you make it a smart goal, right, you add all of the you know measurables, timetables, all that sort of stuff very specific. When you write it down and you look at it often, then it helps you really get clear on what actions need to shape that right, what decisions need to be made when chaos ensues. Right, when obstacles pop up, it's well, if my goal is you know this, then this one path leads me there and this other one doesn't, right, like it's that sort of thing that helps you just make these decisions. You know really, all of you know really all of the time.
Speaker 1:So I know we're getting short on time here today speaking of time. So, thoughts on this I mean we really covered the whole chapter Again, like this book's great because it has discussion questions at the end, which I love. So this is a book to definitely like have on your shelf and look at, because it's got great questions for you to think about in your space, but I don't know. Final thoughts on this chapter.
Speaker 2:My final thoughts are what you just said, which is this discussion guide. It's a really great living way for you to incorporate these principles into your own life, way for you to incorporate these principles into your own life. And so I would just conclude, maybe, my thoughts about what some of the questions are, that that he asks, or that the two authors ask which is what's most important in your life? Order that in importance when do you get your energy or lose your energy? What goals do you have? Maybe you're in the midst of transformation and change in your job or in something in your life. What goals do you have to move yourself from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow or next week or next month or at the end of the year? Don't let yourself get to the end of this year and look back and say, well, what did I really get done? What things do you need to do to learn?
Speaker 2:This podcast, for us, has been an exercise, sam, for me, about continuous learning and growth, and so what do we need to learn as we grow through this and who do we want to become through that? And so I think that's for me, what I took away from this first section on clarity, and I'm looking forward to next week when we talk about accountability. So how about for you? How would you like to close this out today?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that I would just like to encourage people to take time for yourself. You are worth investing in. Your life, is worth investing in taking a half hour, an hour, to sit down and think through what it is you're trying to accomplish, where you are, what obstacles are in your way, and then making a plan from there. Like it's just that time is never, ever, ever wasted when you're sitting down and you're getting clear, because it then helps you guide the rest of what you do and it makes being clear in your decisions, in chaos, in crisis, in, you know, in all of that, so much easier, and so I would just encourage people to take some time for themselves to really get clear it on. You know what does this year look like for me? What do I want to accomplish by the end of it? Where am I now and how am I going to get there, despite the circumstances, despite the obstacles, and you know what's that reality look like.
Speaker 2:You know, friends, if you're getting value from this, we're so grateful that you join us every week. If this is your first time joining us, thanks for being new to what's on your bookshelf, but if you have been with us for a while, we'd really love to hear from you what are the things that you need clarity on, or what are the methods that you're finding that you get your best clarity with? Scott puts in the show notes ways for you to get in touch with us, so we'd sure love to hear from you, whether it's on our LinkedIn pages or even directly. Next week, we're going to talk about accountability and, sam, you're one of my as you coined it.
Speaker 2:the accountability buddy You're my accountability buddy, so I'm looking forward to that. So, friends, thanks for joining us. My name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my accountability buddy partner, sam, this has been another episode of what's On your Bookshelf.