What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Andy Hughes, Scott Miller, and Samantha Powell.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
103 - Five Bold Choices: Rise above Your Circumstances and Redefine Your Life - Chapter 2: Accountibility
Are you truly taking responsibility for your life's journey? In our latest episode, we promise you'll gain the insights needed to transform accountability from a daunting obligation into a powerful tool for personal growth. Inspired by "The Five Bold Choices" by Jay Coughlin and Larry Julian, we discuss the critical role accountability plays in overcoming the fear of failure, drawing on the wisdom of experts like John Maxwell. Discover how reframing failures as stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks can empower you to take charge of your own narrative.
Join us as we explore the importance of intrinsic motivation and how understanding your "why" can fuel your accountability journey, with insights from thought leaders like James Clear and Simon Sinek. We introduce a practical exercise designed to promote self-reflection and leadership, encouraging listeners to focus on actionable changes that pave the way for future success. By shifting focus away from past mistakes, learn how to cultivate a mindset geared toward continuous improvement and achievement.
Finally, we highlight the transformative power of both intrinsic and extrinsic accountability in fostering personal and professional growth. Through engaging stories and real-life examples, we illustrate how bold choices and taking ownership of one's actions can create a ripple effect of trust and progress. As we prepare to explore adaptability, we invite you to reflect on your own accountability journey and the areas in which you can step up, celebrate your successes, and lead yourself and others toward meaningful actions.
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, with your hosts Denise Russo and Samantha Powell.
Speaker 2:Hi everyone. Welcome back to another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is our life and leadership podcast, where we're living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today with my friend and co-host, Sam Powell, and we are exploring the book called the Five Bold Choices by Jay Coughlin and Larry Julian. Today we are in bold choice number two, two of five. Last week we talked about bold choice number one clarity, Sam. What are we talking about today?
Speaker 1:Today is accountability, which makes me a little squeamish because I'm not always accountable as I want to be in my life. So it's, but this is a this is a good one. So they they call this taking responsibility for your life journey and the this chapter, like when they phrase it that way of taking responsibility, it reminded me of John Maxwell's book Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn, where he talks about responsibility really being the first step of learning. So like when you, when you lose, when things happen, that kind of knock you down or whatever.
Speaker 1:Taking responsibility which I think is, you know, a lot of times, a synonym for accountability right, taking accountability for what has happened is really, you know, your first step when it comes to learning. Because if you can't be accountable, if you can't hang on to that right and I think we've all dealt with those people in our lives right Bosses, co-workers, friends, family who take no accountability and it's so frustrating right To be in that space and you can't, one can't learn from a space of having no accountability. And so I love, I just love the like on just the thing where it's like bold choice. Number two is accountability and this taking responsibility for your journey. I just I think that that's it's just so important and I think that it's also really difficult a lot of times because things get our way right. Like we all have a bit of ego. We all, you know, want to feel safe. We all want to feel like we're doing the right thing, and sometimes taking accountability works against those feelings.
Speaker 2:I love that you just broke apart two words that I wonder, if we pause on, is that you talked about accountability and responsibility both words and with ability, which means that there is a presumption that we're all able to move through the beginning of those two words. And so when you think about responsibility, it's a response to something, it's something we have to actively do about something, it's something that we own. And accountability, if you break apart just the account, you could think about a bank account, or you could think about a count being like a number of things. And so when I started thinking about this part of the chapter, I started thinking about, well, what things are within my control that I am able to do something about, that matter the most. So that's the ability to do something about the things that I have an account for, the things that I want in my account to grow.
Speaker 2:And so I was stuck a little bit in the first part of the chapter where he talked about embracing failure and fearing failure, because I I really struggle with the word failure and I don't know if it's a subconscious thing. You just mentioned, john, my very first John Maxwell book is the book called failing forward, and I don't know if it's a subconscious thing. You just mentioned, john. My very first John Maxwell book is the book called Failing Forward, and I loved the book. In fact, that was 23-ish years ago that I received that book as a gift from someone. I think he changed it up to create.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn, because people fear the word failure, maybe, and that nobody wants to think they're a failure or that they failed at something. Failing almost presumes that there's an end and you can't recover from that, but it's more so around. What are you going to do with what happened? Can you move forward from it? And so one of the things I highlighted in this chapter was a quote that they share, which says accountability is motivational. It's an essential component of our personal growth as leaders. So I'm curious about thinking through accountability, especially if you are the person that was responsible for the thing that maybe went a little bit sideways, as you're building out your choices.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think that failure sometimes feels so final. Right, there's something different between saying loss like, oh, we lost this one, right, because that kind of insinuates, oh, there will be another time. Right, oh, we lost this game, but there'll be another game. But when we say we failed at this game, there's something about that that feels so much heavier. I think that it does drive a lot of fear in us. It drives a lot of like wanting to push back in that space and I think that the I don't know for me.
Speaker 1:I think, like you have to lighten that fear of failure, that the word failure itself, by knowing that none of it is, is, it's not the end game. Right, like I failed for a moment, right, like we had failure on this goal or whatever, but it doesn't mean we can't turn it around. We can't do whatever, but it doesn't mean we can't turn it around, we can't do whatever. You know, like I don't know, I think there is something about that word that is is hard to wrap your, you know, wrap your your mind around. But I think, like, as we're starting this chapter out, that you know they really do talk about this as like it's a fear that holds us back. Right, we fear failing because it does kind of feel so big, right, we fear loss, we fear this stuff.
Speaker 1:But he says it's tough to move forward with accountability when you're backpedaling in fear. Right, and I think that it's exactly what you're talking about with a quote of accountability being motivational and an essential part of being a leader. Like, as a leader, you have to be accountable to the results that you're working towards, right, to the people that you're working with, to all the aspects of really being a leader. So, when I think about it, accountability really to me is if you want to be a mature, functioning adult in this world, you have to take accountability for the things that go right and the things that go wrong all of the time. Because I don't want to work with people, I don't want people really close to my life who can't do that, because there's just nowhere to go from there. When no one takes accountability, there's just you're stuck, you're completely stagnant, you know there's nowhere to move from that space and that's just, I guess, not the energy I want to bring into my life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we talked about it last week. Those are energy vampires and environments of chaos, and so when you have clarity in your choices, you can choose where you want to invest your time and your energies and your love, and so one of the interesting parts about this was that he shared a story about something that was pretty dramatic. That happened to him, and it seems like in a lot of cases, it takes something to jar people, to get them to move to accountability. But you taught a lot about this when we did Atomic Habits with James Clear a couple years ago. Isn't that funny to say a couple years ago? A little jarring when you said that it was jarring, I actually read something today that said that in 2023, his book hit the bestseller list in every category. So how cool it was that we picked his book before it hit all of those lists.
Speaker 2:But the point is back to the accountability is that sometimes if something jars you, then you're moved to action as opposed to being proactive. Which is back to James Clear, where you taught about this lesson that who do you want to be Like? How do you want to show up? Are you going to be accountable to what you think your future you looks like? Because if you don't start there by envisioning what you want the future you to look like, then you may not do anything about it today. And so one of the things about this in the accountability section, as he was talking about this illness scare that he had, was don't we all have the choice to know that?
Speaker 2:Well, dramatically, you know smoking will kill you. Too much alcohol or drugs will kill you and be thousands, if not millions, of people still engage in those activities. We know that eating bad foods and sugar and preservatives and GMOs are bad for you, but yet, day after day, subconsciously, people just fill their bodies with these things. And so what does it take to be motivated to be accountable? Does it really take something that has to happen negative for you to be able to driven towards something positive?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I and I think the answer to that maybe is different for everybody, and you know he talks about here what you're talking about, where he says like it's logical to apply more emphasis to the bigger levels of accountability, but don't forget the importance of being accountable for the minor things, and I think like that's right, it's. Do I eat this or that? Do I get up and take a walk or do I not? Right, Do I tell someone I love them or I don't write? Like it's all those little tiny things of accountability that really stack up and like that's the whole point of atomic habits. It's little changes that make a big difference, and so it's. It's not even accountability on like a grand scale all the time those things happen and we do need to be accountable in those big spaces, but it's also the little things that are so important. And again, this is about choices, is about make making those choices that get there. And I think what you're like really talking about here is what's motivating you to make the right choice at the end of the day.
Speaker 1:And as we were reading this chapter, I was thinking about this a lot because for me, like extrinsic motivation, right, Like someone else, the fact that you and I have scheduled meetings to record podcasts and chat and do all of this stuff is accountability that keeps me moving all of the time, right, that's why I'm a big fan of accountability buddies. Right, we have a meeting and we talk about the things we're supposed to talk about to get us, you know, moving forward in that space. Like that always seems so much easier for me, and I think when I talk to other people, that also works for them too. A lot is someone else sitting there and you feeling like you're gonna disappoint someone if you don't do it. Right. But when it's the intrinsic motivators, right, it's just me holding myself accountable to this thing and I deal this. I mean, you and I both deal with this a lot, but, like, this is one of those things that, like is a big thing for me all the time, and owning my own business is there's, I mean, yeah, like my family. Of course it counts on income and things like that, but when it comes down to it, it's me sticking to a schedule of writing of newsletters, of social media posts, of going to networking events, of getting out there in the world. I'm the only one holding myself accountable to that.
Speaker 1:It's intrinsic motivation that has to keep me going, and it's not necessarily that there's a pain happening, like you said, right, it's not some huge thing that makes me have to do something different, and so it's a lot of times just tapping into what are those motivators for you? And I think that that's where you know from the chapter on clarity on bold choice number one, which is why it's before this. I think you that's where you know from the chapter on clarity on bold choice number one, which is why it's before this. I think you got to get clear on what you want, on who you want to be, as James Clear talks about, right, that identity that you want to have, and you have to hold so true to that clarity, to those goals that you've got. You've got to revisit those so very often.
Speaker 1:It's why James Clear talks about like a habit tracker. Right, it's something there every single day helping you re-remember why, right, what is your why statement? Simon Sinek talks about that, right. What is this thing that's keeping me motivated? To then keep me accountable to the little things? Right, the daily things that I'm the only person who knows that I was supposed to be accountable to this today. And what's that thing that's going to make you function in that way, it's going to make you make that choice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, agreed, this is about leading your life and owning leading your life. We say this at the beginning of every single episode. This is a life and leadership podcast, and so one of the things the author shares is that the bottom line is that when we're not accountable, we are not demonstrating leadership, and so there are people that depend on you. Regardless if you are a people leader or a parent or neither, there are still people in your circle of influence that depend on you. So, how you show up, when you show up, why you show up the things that you do, what you know, in those moments they really matter, and so there's a really good exercise that's in this section of the book as well that I that I wrote out maybe it'll help you listening as well is there are three questions that the author asks himself, and so I put the three questions down on a piece of paper and I just started journaling. If you're not a fan of journaling, I wasn't either when I first started doing this years ago, but what I found was that, by putting something down, I was holding myself accountable to what I was thinking, what I was believing, what I was writing and what I was going to do about it or not, because you can always flip back and say, wow, did I do anything about this, or was it just a moment in time that I felt inspired but I didn't take action? And so here's the three questions that the author shares about being accountable and how to motivate you towards accountability. One is what did I? Or, if you're a team leader or a family member, what did I or we do right? Sometimes in this part of the chapter, of course, it's talking about failure, but sometimes there's things that you did really right that if you're hard on yourself like I'm my biggest critic, sam I will focus on what I did wrong or what I didn't do better. But when you focus first on what you did right, then at least you can sort of clear out that chaos and the clutter so that you can be more open-minded to the things that need to be fixed per se. So the second question is after you think about what you did right, then you can build on that too, because you could say, okay, that thing I did right, let's keep doing more of that, and how can I make that right thing be even better? The second thing is in hindsight because hindsight's 20-20 sometimes what would I have done differently? And, man, this one is the one that gets me every time. It's like the gut punch is I wish I could have taken back that conversation. I wish I could have changed that action, I wish I would have prepared this a different way. What are the things you would have, could have, should have that now?
Speaker 2:You can't change your past, but you can change what you do going into the future, and so this is about decision-making based on your past actions. In fact, a lot of businesses even say this is that their past, their past results, predict their future success. It doesn't always happen that way, because your future is always moving forward and your past is in the past and it stops at a point. But this still says that there's things you could have done differently that you should be aware of. It kind of makes your blind spots a little bit wider open. The third is the hardest right. What am I, I or what are we going to change? Because this is that whole adage that if you want to have something different in your life, you have to do something different. And change is hard. But the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting some sort of a different result. So what are you going to change?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I love these questions because you know, if you think about this, like you know, he's thinking about this from the lens of, like a CEO. Right, like we missed result projections. Right, like I, and we're held accountable. Right, we didn't get done something we were supposed to get done with this business. And this really becomes this very lovely accountability formula where you can then, if you've asked yourself these questions, can sit down and tell people, tell who you're accountable to. Here's what we did right, here's what we learned, here's what we're going to do differently and here are the changes we're going to make, right. And so by sitting down in that accountability and really thinking through this becomes such a good thing um formula. And I think you could use this in your personal life so well too, like I could see sitting down, like you and your partner have a disagreement and you sit down and you think about from your side, the accountability that you need to take in this. Right, like here's what I think I did well in this situation. Right, like it ended up in a big blow-up fight. We were clearly on different sides of you know perspectives on this, but like here's what I think I did right, or here's what we did right together, like, in a more ideal setting. Right, here's what we learned. Here's what we're going to do differently next time. And here are the changes that we're going to make. Right, like, I said this and you said this, and then we started to fight instead of listening. Right, like, and so next time we're going to listen when we do this, right. So I just think that this is such. It becomes such a nice like.
Speaker 1:I was like having a little formula to follow in tricky situations, but I think this is such a nice accountability formula for all I don't know all aspects of our life, when it comes to business, when it comes to personal life, when it comes to our family, when it comes to visit, when it comes to personal life, when it comes to our family, when it comes to our friends right, we all mess up, we all have failures, we all have these spaces where it's like. I just wish I would have done that differently. So sit down and ask yourself these three questions. Right, sit down and really take accountability for your part in this, or we can take accountability together in our part of this, like. I just think that that's a beautiful like. It's such a beautiful, hard but beautiful exercise to make those choices.
Speaker 1:And you can do it with the small things too. Right, like I did not, you know, do the exercise I want to do. I didn't eat the way that I wanted to do, right. And so I'm going to sit down and I'm going to ask myself, well, what did I do? Well, right. And then what would I have done differently? Right, I would have done some meal planning instead of that, right. And so what changes I'm going to make? I'm going to go shopping on Sundays to make sure that I have the things I need, so that I can prep for the week, so that I can do whatever. Right, like it drives action in the end, and I think that's what I really love about it.
Speaker 2:I think so too. I think what you're describing, as I'm listening to, you share, that is that this is about checks and balances, it's about debits and credits, but I don't mean from your bank account, it's in your life account. And so the next chapter segues into talking about how accountability is an asset, not a liability. And yet, when we're not accountable, those are the things that are the liabilities. And so he goes on to talk about how, when you think about the things that you do need to follow in those three questions which aren't just the things you did great, but the things that you would have done differently, and the things you're going to change to go better that's what creates the asset, or the investment or the growth that you get through that. And so when he transitions from that into talking about the journey, it makes me think about the beginning of what you were saying, which is this is mapping out a plan. It's mapping out the plan for your life.
Speaker 2:You know where you are right now and, honestly, if you aren't really sure where you are right now, this is so much easier to do when you engage with a coach, because that's where you get the clarity, because sometimes you just need the space where there are no distractions, where you can say out loud to somebody else where you think you are and where you think you want to be. And it's funny because I have a couple of clients that shared with me recently that I get so much more done when I'm accountable to you. And I said to both of them you're not accountable to me, you're accountable to yourself. It's just that I've opened up that space for you to verbalize, maybe, or to hold your own self accountable, simply by pointing out for you the things that you want to change or do differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I think that that's so true. I think, again, like that's where that extrinsic accountability is sometimes so much easier than right, it's like it's it. And so if you're having a hard time with the intrinsic accountability, right, just doing this yourself, staying motivated yourself, that's where we lean on other people, that's where you go get the accountability, as I like to call them, or a coach, or a mentor, or a therapist or whatever you need Right, whatever category that you're working on, you get those things from somebody else to help you to the point where then you can do it yourself. Right, like, that's the goal. Is that? Okay, I can now, now that I've built up enough skills, I can hold myself accountable, cause you're right Like, he talks about this as being an asset.
Speaker 1:He says being personally accountable moves us and others forward in a positive and powerful way, and I love that thought process on accountability. Right, like, if I take personal accountability for the things in my life, the things that go well, the things that go wrong and all of that stuff, I move everyone forward, not just myself, but everyone around me in the situation. Right Like, this is what's happened. This is how we're gonna take the next steps and make changes.
Speaker 1:I and I like too that he talks about true success on any scale requires each of us to not only accept accountability but also embrace it as a responsibility worthy of other people's trust. Right, and knowing that me taking accountability is something worthy of other people to then trust in me to do the right thing and like that, like that's who I want to be. Right, I want to be somebody who you trust, that I'm going to take responsibility, I'm going to take accountability for the things that happen that I have control over and you know and I can help move us forward. Right, whatever that means and whatever the context is, like that's to me a beautiful space. And like think about if you had a group of people doing that together, like you'd be unstoppable.
Speaker 2:Unstoppable and bold Because remember, this book, friends, is about bold choices, not easy choices, not just living your life on autopilot. This is about making bold choices, and so one of the stories that they share, before we get to the end of this chapter, is the story about these three guys. This is a story that is thousands of years old, but here's the premise of the stories. There's these three guys and their boss gave these three guys some amount of money, but in this story we're going to call it some amount of talent. These actual the coins were called talents back then, but in terms of talent in your life, so let's talk about you know the things that you're good at. So he gave these guys these different distributed amounts of talents. Some one guy got more than the second guy got and more than the third guy got. However, they were all given a certain amount, and so the boss says to these guys all right, I'm going to go away for a while, I'm going to let you self-manage and when I come back, I want to see what you did with your talents.
Speaker 2:The first guy was bold. He took his talents and, let's say, for the sake of numbers, he got three. The second guy got two and the first guy got one. He took his three talents, made some bold choices, was accountable for those choices and he more than doubled his three to six. So now the guy has six. The second guy he was a little bit more conservative, maybe had a little bit of a fear, and so the second guy took his two and he did well, but he only got one more. So he ended up with three. So he did a little bit, but not so much. He was accountable to it, but he was a little conservative.
Speaker 2:But the third guy? The third guy thought he was being the most accountable with the talents or the money that he was given and he thought to himself well, if I take the bold choice, what if I lose all of it? If I take the conservative choice, what if it doesn't work? And so he decided that he thought accountability and the choice would be best if he buried it. So he didn't bring it forward, he didn't share his talents with the world or he didn't invest his money in wise investments that grew. He buried it, thinking that was the most accountable, responsible thing to do, because, sure enough, when the boss came back he dig it back up out of the ground and say look, I saved the thing and you gave me.
Speaker 2:And in the end of the story the boss got mad, ended up firing the third guy and said you know what? You got it wrong. You buried that thing that I gave you, whether it was money, time or talent, treasure, whatever it was you didn't squander it, but you did nothing with it. You buried it so that no one else could get value from it. And with the first guy the guy that got three, that turned it into six he took the boldest of all the risks because he could have lost it all. But he also started by having bold choice, number one, which was clarity and smarts as to where he was going to invest those things. And so I think for me what is interesting about this last story is that the first guy knew, but didn't believe he would be defeated. He knew that he had the tools and the talents and the tenacity to thrive, not just survive. The second guy a little bit more conservative, but the third guy was just trying to survive and wait for the boss to come back.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's why he starts the chapter and he kind of ends it with the same thing of like you can't be afraid. You can't have fear and accountability in the same space. Right, you can't sit here and be afraid of doing something and still be accountable, but you've got to make that bold choice of accountability. You've got to take the responsibility, you've got to do something with it at the end of the day. Right, and he talks about you know what really inspires him about these stories that he's lists other stories in the book too. But it's really the focus on the journey and not the outcome.
Speaker 1:Right, how am I growing? How am I learning? How am I, you know, taking this accountability to build towards something? And we might not get where we think to in the end. Right, we might have, we might have wanted eight instead of six in this, you know, in this story, but, like, we got somewhere because we made those choices to take responsibility, to be accountable to you know, to what's going on in you know, in the world, and you know.
Speaker 1:I just think that that's a really beautiful thing. He says when you're faithful, you're being responsible. With what has been placed in your care, you are reliable and worthy of other people's trust right when we get out of fear and into faith that we can do this right, that we can move forward, and we then take accountability for it. We're worthy of other people trusting us to do that right, whether that be in a friendship, in a business role, you know, in a business sense, in a family setting. It's really, at the end of the day, using accountability as this asset. That, then, is worthy of something really great in the end.
Speaker 2:I love that you shared something important that we'll leave for today, which is this is a journey. This isn't just one choice, this is five bold choices, and this isn't about you make the choice and then it's over. It's about your continuous learning and growth. And so when you think about even when you were mapping out the idea of having a map, it got me thinking about another great book. It's one of my top five favorite books on my shelf, called the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and that book is all about the journey.
Speaker 2:So if you haven't read that book, friends, it's definitely one for your shelf as well, because in that story it's a fiction book, but I use it for life and leadership in my own life. In the book, the main character has to make some bold choices, clear out some clutter and get some clarity about who he wants to be in life. He takes accountability and also doesn't take some accountability for things and choices he's made along the way, but what he's learning through the story is about how to be adaptable, and so next week we're going to talk about bold choice number three, which is about adaptability, which is about how you get yourself to a place that precedes the change that you're going to make in your life. So, sam, any other thoughts on closing us out for today? On bold choice, number two.
Speaker 1:I think I would encourage people to think about you know where areas in your life that you need to step up in accountability right, because we all have them. Where is it that you want to be more accountable, that you want to show up in this way? Where I am responsible, I take responsibility for the things that are happening, and I want to lead myself and others into action, and I think that that's just such a good thing to ruminate on and to really spend some time in reflection.
Speaker 2:I'll add to that to end us today to say there's probably something that you also were accountable for, that you did great at, so don't neglect that. There are moments of gratitude, generosity and celebration for things that you did well, so don't neglect that. I neglect that myself a lot. That's my lesson for today is to also celebrate the things that I've done well while I'm also focusing on those other two questions. So take those three questions into your week, and next week we're gonna talk about becoming more adaptable, but for today, my name is Denise Russo and, on behalf of my friend, sam Powell, this has been another episode of what's On your Bookshelf.