What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Sam Powell, Zach Elliott, Tom Schweizer, Dennis LaRue, and Michelle King.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
126 Un-F-Yourself:Chapter 1-In The Beginning
We explore how negative self-talk holds us back and dive into practical ways to break free from limiting thought patterns. Neuroscience research shows we have over 50,000 thoughts daily, and the quality of these thoughts profoundly impacts our lives.
• Feelings from negative thoughts are exponentially stronger than positive ones
• Being stuck on a mental "hamster wheel" prevents forward progress
• The key is recognizing that "you are the answer" to your own problems
• Negative thoughts often serve as protection mechanisms against potential pain
• Changing neural pathways requires conscious effort but gets easier with practice
• Focus on "productive thoughts" rather than just positive thinking
• Environmental factors significantly influence our ability to maintain helpful thought patterns
• Marcus Aurelius' stoic philosophy aligns perfectly with modern psychology on self-talk
• The first step is acknowledging that your thoughts are in your way
Join us next week as we explore willingness to change and take action toward creating the reality you want to live in.
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Welcome to what's on your Bookshelf, a life and leadership podcast where we live out loud the pages of the books that are on our shelves, with your host, denise Russo, and Sam Powell.
Speaker 1:Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of what's on your Bookshelf. This is our Life and Leadership podcast, where we're living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo, my co-host and friend is Sam Powell, and together we go through different books that we are trying to learn something from, live through and share our experiences with all of you as listeners. We are in a brand new book for the next several weeks together. Sam, it's great to be here with you today. How are you? I'm good.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to get into the content and the meat of this book today. So yeah, really exciting, we're in chapter one, which is called In the Beginning. So yeah, and I think you read the quote from this at the end of last episode, but this is this. He starts this chapter with this is a conversational slap from the universe to wake you up to your true potential, to un-f yourself and get spectacularly into your life. That is how this book starts, and so it's just a great like all right, I don't know there's something about the way he phrases stuff, again like this kind of and so it's just a great like all right, I don't know there's something about the way he phrases stuff, and again like it's kind of this irreverent like just get it, get in there, which appeals to me, right, Like I always say, like get in the game, and you know things like that. So it's like all right, let's go.
Speaker 1:I'm excited about it. He says at the very last sentence of this first chapter, which is called In the Beginning, he says that you should drink from these pages and I highlighted that because that's something we learned from Pat Williams' book about Coach Wooden, about drinking deeply from these books. And he says if you drink from the pages and unleash the kind of you that the world has yet to see, it was super motivational. After I got to the end of that I was like I'm not gonna stop at chapter one, I'm gonna keep reading through here. So if you're that type of person, we're gonna go chapter by chapter, but that doesn't mean that you can't read this thing all the way through and then just come back with us and experience what we're experiencing week by week.
Speaker 2:Exactly and honestly. I think that's the way to solidify it, because that's how you and I end up doing this. Right, we read ahead, or we read the whole book and then we come back and we talk about it, and so you almost get it in like multiple ways right, like you're reading it, you're listening to us talk about it, you're rethinking about it as you're doing it. So, yeah, I encourage people to like, when we start these books like this is to get the book read the whole thing and then come back to it with us Like I feel like that's the richest experience of all of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want to encourage you to listening that it's OK to write in your books, it's OK to fold the pages.
Speaker 2:Ours are so marked Highlighters.
Speaker 1:I was once not that person. I did not want my books to be tarnished. You know I loved how they looked on the shelf, but they're not decorations, so I'm looking forward to it.
Speaker 2:This might be a little bit morbid my house because I'm gone, and them to pull all these books off my shelf and to pick up the ones that are like beaten up to the core or have some interesting title, and to go through and to see the little pieces of me in it, right of the little hearts that I drew, the things I highlighted, the notes that I did right, and now, like thinking you didn't go back and find the associated podcast episode with it, like, how, even like much better. But yeah, I I think we said this last time like because my obstacle, the way like I had bought it new when we started reading it, and now it is like beat the hell, like it is just beat up and I, I love that about it. Right, like it's not some pristine edition anymore. It's like the Sam Powell loved and lived edition and to me, like that's just the value of like going, you know, going through these. So, yeah, mark up your books, join us in like writing a thousand notes and having a bunch of folded down pages and you know things like that.
Speaker 2:Because I think it just this is about you know, pulling things off your shelf. It's not about having pretty, you know, a beautiful bookcase behind you that's, you know, got all the pretty, pretty pieces. It's about living and integrating all this into your life. And you you know he starts this chapter out with have you ever felt like a hamster on a wheel, furiously churning your way through your life but somehow going nowhere? And like I think we've all felt like that right, like we've all felt like the pretty bookshelf that looks so nice and is sitting there waiting for someone to use, like we walk by it every day but don't feel like we're going anywhere, don't feel like we're making any progress. And that's really the beginning of this book is, if you felt that way, if you felt like you're not getting where you want to get, you're on the treadmill, you're in the hamster wheel, you're walking the same block over and over again. This is the wake-up call right To get out, get out of your head.
Speaker 1:I think a key point to that as well, though, is that this book is not a magic pill book that says you're going to get everything you ever want in life. This very first chapter, he says if you want this thing, whatever it might be, you might not get it. You might not get what you want in life. You might not lose the weight you want to lose. You might not have the career or relationship you crave. It might be out of reach for you to get the thing. However, the key to this book and the way that this book is structured is he talks about how you get past your self defeating monologue and you focus on the things you can control. So get out of your head and out of your space all the pieces that are outside your span of control and focus on the things that you can, and just wake up, because every one of us is here with a purpose, for a purpose on purpose, but you need to wake up to whatever that that purpose is, dig deep into your potential for it, learn what you need to learn about it and get moving, and so you're actually able to do a lot more than you probably are doing. We talked last week even about how.
Speaker 1:You and I have some books we want to write, but how badly do we want to write them that we haven't sat down and finished them. I have one book I started five years ago writing and I haven't finished it. But why and I've really struggled in reading this chapter, sam, of thinking personally about why have I just not done it? And I haven't come up with the answer. Like there's no easy answer to say, oh, I just just not done it. And I haven't come up with the answer. Like there's no easy answer to say, oh, I just haven't done it because this other thing was in my way. No, the obstacle is almost elusive. It's sort of gray. I don't really see it clearly, but there's something that is subconsciously or mentally blocking me from finishing it and I so badly want to. So I'm looking forward to looking at what he says in here. Is not also just kind of like touchy feely? He blends in some neuroscience and psychology into what he's really showing us about here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and he says that this book is designed to give you an authentic leg up, one that feels genuine and right for you and can propel you into greater levels of your true potential. And he says, like you're talking about with the neuroscience, is that studies show that we have over 50,000 thoughts a day, which is, like that number is jarring, but, you know, sounds right, I think, a lot of thoughts throughout the day. And he says that the latest neuroscience and psychology adds weight to the idea that the kind of talk you engage in has a profound impact on the quality of your life and that is and, like you said, it's that limiting self-talk that he's really that's the central thing in this book that he's helping us with is what are some of those key thoughts and how do we, like you said, really leverage them right, give us that authentic leg up that feels right for us? And so when you think about, like, what is this book really really about? It's about we've got a lot of thoughts and you've got to have the right thoughts going through your head to move past these blockers, right, like when I think about this, what I think about is I tend to like just sit in perfectionism of the whole plan right.
Speaker 2:And I was working with a client recently who was very similar to this of like it's, when I do this, they do this and I need to have the whole plan worked out right.
Speaker 2:I need to know what steps 10 through 37 are going to be in order to take step one, and that holds me back. So, so, so, very much, and I'm watching somebody else struggle with the same thing that I struggle with and like coaching them through it, but it helps because I know what works. I know what works for me and it's, you know, we're figuring out what works for them in making those moves, because we get paralyzed in the down the road stuff so often, and so this is like getting out, like breaking some of those cycles, and so when I think about, like what does this mean for me, like this is one of the things I'm hoping we get through, and I explore, as you and I talk about this of all right, how do I let go of the steps down the road and just take the next right step right, the next thing that we need to do. And you know, I think that he really sets this up nicely in kind of bringing light that that really is a lot of the problem.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it shows us what we've been learning in most of the books. This all starts in your mind first. It starts with your thoughts. It then translates into what you believe about those things that you think, and that translates in what you do about something or don't do about something, and then that ends up as a result in your life or an outcome. If you want to change your outcomes, then you have to change your circumstances through changing something around the way you think about those things.
Speaker 1:Not long ago, sam was working with this one client who's just so negative so always negative almost to the point where you know I think about. Do you want to be around someone negative? I would imagine no. Do you want to be around someone negative? I would imagine no. Does anybody want to be around somebody negative? Probably not, but yet there's a lot of people that just live in this negativity. And even though we were joking about our kids saying that we're always too happy on this show, I would rather lean more towards that than lean more towards the other side.
Speaker 1:And in fact, he tells us in this chapter a really interesting experiment that was conducted at a university where they took these patients, if you will, or the people that participated in the experiment, the participants, through these thoughts, a thought thinking program, and so what they did was they had one group that was thinking about some positive, cool thing that happened in their life. Then they had another group that was thinking about something neutral it wasn't positive or negative, it was just something and then another group that was thinking about something negative that had happened in their life. And what they found was that the positive and the neutral groups leaned towards having positive feelings happiness, joy but that the feelings that came from the people thinking about a negative experience were exponentially stronger than the feelings of the people that even had a positive, let alone the neutral experiences. So the author goes on to say that this is around the idea that, yes, positive self talk can help you. It may not be the only solution, but it is a good, healthy, good solution to have a happy and successful life.
Speaker 1:But I highlighted this whole part, sam. He says the bad news is the reverse is also true, that negative self talk can not only put us in a bad mood, but it can make you feel helpless. Your small problems seem bigger. So you create problems where none existed before, like when you create scary stories in your head about something that may or may not happen. And then he said but here's the breaking news your self-talk is effing you over in ways you can't even begin to imagine. So think about the things that you're thinking. I want to encourage everyone listening today. What is something you're thinking about that's either holding you back or that you want to have moving forward?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think a lot of this makes me think back to Atomic Havocs and I swear we say this every single book that we do but it's back to the idea of we're moving towards pleasure or away from pain. Those are the only things we're ever really doing. Even when we're standing still, we're avoiding pain or we're sitting in pleasure, we're like avoiding pain or we're sitting in pleasure, right, like. And I think, when we think about, like positive versus negative thoughts, like our negative thoughts, like we think of them as bad, right, like, oh, this is so bad that I'm thinking down this path and that, and that makes it hard and it turns those thoughts into villains, and so I like to reframe those thoughts in my head as though, like, my negative thoughts are my protection, right, they are my body's way of protecting me from pain, right, when I think about, oh, I can't do that, or oh right, imposter syndrome creeps in, or oh, I'm just not going to avoid that difficult conversation, what I'm really doing in my like layers of subconscious is avoiding the pain that could potentially cause, and I think we are way more apt. I think atomic habits tap tackled this, or at least something I read associated with it tackled this of like we are more likely to avoid pain than we are to move towards pleasure, right, like we are more likely to just do the things that avoid any negative stuff happening. And our negative thoughts, I think, are that protection for us. Right, they are the thing that's like. But what if you fail? Right, like, what if this hurts? What if this is a painful experience? So better not do it. And I think that's really what he's getting at with a lot of this is like you've got to be able to reframe and to move yourself into that neutral or better yet, positive thinking, because the more you do it, the easier it is to bounce back to it.
Speaker 2:We all have negative thoughts. Like I'm a very positive person. I can find the good in literally anything. Anything you throw at me, I will help you find nuggets of good in it. But I still have plenty of intrusive thoughts, plenty of negative. You know things that go through my head. I still struggle with a lot of things, especially given a lot of like just trauma that I've been through and you know and things like that.
Speaker 2:But because I practice so much positivity, because I do that so often, it's so much easier to bounce back into it. It's so much easier to recognize. Oh, I am protecting myself by going down this negative road. So what do I need to do? How do I step into it? How do I do that? And I think a lot of us need, like these sort of flagship concepts that help us like move back into it. And I think that's like when we get into this book, that's really kind of what we're moving towards is what are some of these thoughts that help us sort of reframe and get into. You know this better, this better stuff? And he said one of the big quotes in this chapter is it's not that you have to find the answer, it's that you are the answer, and so I think it's that what are those things inside of you that help you move into something that's going to help you rather than hold you back.
Speaker 1:You know there's a lot of science around how your thoughts are tied to your feelings and your emotions, just like what you're describing is that you are. You want to fight against that fear of feelings and good emotions that drive you that way. And if you know that you have only a small little area in your brain that compartmentalizes all of this and imagine if you had a file cabinet in there and the file cabinet was organized with all your different thoughts, would you not want to prioritize to the front all the positive stuff? Want to prioritize to the front all the positive stuff? And in fact, some of the science says that you can actually create stronger neural pathways in your brain by prioritizing those types of thoughts, positive or negative. Whichever ones you prioritize is the ones that get the pavement on the pathway in the brain, and so you have a conscious, intentional ownership over what you think, what you say, what you do, the experiences that you engage in or don't engage in. I've been learning a lot lately, sam, as you know, from talking off of the microphone about things like being around someone with narcissistic personality disorder and how obtrusive and destructive something like that is. And Olivia just graduated with her BS in psychology, clinical psychology so we were talking about so cool that she studied it, because now I can have legit conversations with her that aren't just like what do you want for dinner. And so we were talking about just the way that the brain is and how absolutely malleable it is and how you have every ability to control the things that you think and you can control the environment that you put yourself into. It's not always easy. It's not easy especially if you're talking about people that are in your close circle, especially if it's family. But how you think and talk about things and feel those things thoughts are the bedfellows to emotions is the way the author puts it. But I had recently I don't know about a year ago or so got certified by this company called Agile Brain, and I know you and I will be able to talk a lot more about that and in the future especially, we'll bring in JD Pincus, who's the author of a brand new book that just came out about the 12 pieces of the process of the agile brain and how you can control this malleability, if you will.
Speaker 1:Part of the chapter is that he talks about how, in a very simple way, that if you look at something as hard in your life. You can either say out of your mouth, yeah, that's hard and it's going to keep being hard and it's, and this is going to make it harder, or you can change your thinking and make it seem like it's not as hard as it seems. This might be a moment in time, it might be something that is a part of a chapter. It's not the whole book of your life, and so for me, when I think about that, I really started to think through Sam, on this piece of language and what you say, because in your deepest subconscious the author says you can change your thoughts and behavior. But it's almost like saying as well that what comes out of your mouth is is the product of what's in your heart. Yeah, there's even some probably bible verses about that, that whatever's on the inside comes out yeah, that reminds me what's that.
Speaker 2:I forget the exact quote. I'm gonna definitely mess this up and someone can correct me, but it's that. It's that thing I've seen on the internet a million times where it's like be careful what you think, because that becomes what you say. Be careful what you say, because that becomes what you do. Yeah, be careful. What you do becomes that, becomes who you are.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's like, and that's what this makes me think of is like we do have so much control and like that's. That's what this whole first chapter really is about is that you are the solution. You, you're the one you've been waiting for. You're the solution here, and the solution is you control your thoughts, you control what you do with it and, um, you know, I always say, like you're not your first thought, that's that default.
Speaker 2:Whatever wiring you've got from my childhood, right, well, all that psychology there of, like the early, you know your early development and stuff like that, but you are your second what you do with it, right? So, like that negative thought goes through your mind, that you know that initial reaction goes through, and so what you've got to build up is that acknowledgement that you can control what comes next, and then that space, and that like, like you said, reshaping that neural pathway to something that actually serves you, that goes out of that negative zone and into, doesn't even have to be positive, neutral is fine, I'm a big advocate of neutral thinking, right, what does it take to get this done and that's one of my favorite books is it takes what it takes, um, and by um moad got at uh, but no, that's not. No, that's uh, the person who wrote soul for happy, soul for happy um, I'll think of it. But uh, that book is really good because it's about neutral thinking. Right, you don't even have to get all the way to positive.
Speaker 2:If positive feels too far away, positive is better and like we should work towards that. But you know, just getting and retraining yourself to get into the actual, get out of the actual negative space and into something that helps you move forward. And you know he says that there is um, know he talks about being like assertive and getting into the space where, like, you cast all the default noise aside and assert your power. And that's, I think, really what you were talking about is you have to acknowledge that, you have to realize that you've got the power to then get you into that retraining of your brain and your thoughts, into that retraining of your brain and your thoughts.
Speaker 1:You were just saying something about negative space and so I want to just touch on that and encourage listeners and myself and you is that it is much easier to have productive thoughts, not even positive let's just call it productive, because positive almost sounds happy clappy. Productive thoughts if you are not in a negative space physically and or internally, but if you are in an environment whether it's at work or in your personal life that is surrounded by low vibrational energy, negative thinking and doing and processing or treatment from others. Remove yourself from that. If you don't like your job, don't stay in your job. I was reading an article this last weekend from HBR that was talking about how many people are just so dissatisfied with their jobs that it's hurting them physically and from their health perspective, but yet they stay. If you don't like where you are and it is not feeding you and filling you, and where you can add value and invest your time into something that's worthwhile, don't just stay and I know that's hard to say, sam, when we're in an economy where jobs are scarce or it's hard to find other opportunities. But I really want to encourage people don't, don't stay.
Speaker 1:Somebody was asking me recently even about just my career history and different jobs I've had, and the the ones that stand out the most are either not the neutrals. They're the ones that either were amazing opportunities or the complete opposite. And in all the cases where it was the complete opposite, I think about what my exit strategy was to remove myself from something that was was either hurting me or where I wasn't contributing back the way I would like to, and so in this book, I just want to encourage you, as you start to read this, that your thoughts can be more productive if you are in a productive environment, with productive surroundings of people, things and experiences, than otherwise. You were saying last week, I think, sam, that this seemed like the opposite of the last book, which was about Stoic philosophy and Marcus Aurelius, and so isn't it funny he ends this chapter talking about Marcus Aurelius.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that he had a few quotes from him in this chapter and I just thought that was really again kind of perfect.
Speaker 2:And you know, in the alignment here and you know he says that I hope this book will help you understand the complexity and power of self-talk and how to use it as a force for good in your life. And I love, I love the idea of productive thoughts. I'm going to absolutely steal that and use that when I'm talking about this because, yeah, you're right, when we say positive thoughts, like sometimes that's too far of a grab, right, like, and that's why I'm a big fan of neutral thinking, but, like, I like productive thinking. Right, it's either productive or not productive. It helps you sort of I don't know find that that place above or below that line there. That is, um, you know, is different, and so this is really about finding, recognizing that you have, that you are, you're the thing in your way, your thoughts are, how you control that and knowing that you've got the power to make big changes by, you know, really working on your self-talk and what you think and what you say to yourself yeah, you think about, um, the fortune of wisdom.
Speaker 1:And in fact there's this one of my favorite verses in the Bible talks about how wisdom is more precious than rubies or gold. It is more valuable than any of the riches. And so in this last part of this chapter, he talks about how Marcus Aurelius, who was a Roman emperor many, many, many years ago, he says here's a rule to remember in the future. So I'm going to take that as in now. The future is here and the future is me. The future is now and he says in the future, remember when anything tempts you to feel bitter, not to say this is misfortune, but to say to bear this worthily is good fortune. Sort of like John Maxwell's book sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. You're not going to win at everything, Not every day is going to be an amazing day, but you can learn something from everything, and you can either hold on to the bitterness or you could turn it into something that's more like betterness, I suppose.
Speaker 1:And so this is about the fact that the outside events cannot, should not and do not have control over you. You have the ability to step outside of whatever's happening around you. Focus on the things that are within your control, like we said at the beginning of the episode, and figuring out if your life is really the way you want it to be or not. And if it's not the way that you want it to be, then what are you going to do about it? So I think next week we're going to dive deeper into that in the next chapter about how do we dive into that. I really thought that we were going to get through this whole first chapter and we didn't, and so we're almost out of time. So what other things can we leave the listeners with today, Sam? Because we left a whole big chunk of the book not done yet on this first chapter.
Speaker 2:And I think it's a great part of the book that people could go read for themselves. The thing that I wrote like a little laughing face next to is he does say like, if you're easily offended, stop reading now and re-gift this to someone in your life who you think might benefit from it, and so I think that that's. I think that's it. And he quotes marcus aurelius earlier in the chapter. Two of you know, reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears. Which very, perfectly stoic philosophy, right.
Speaker 2:But this really like, as we turn the page and as we look towards chapter two here, you got to accept that you're the problem. It's sort of where we're at, and he's going to reiterate that a lot and going to tell you very, very soundly that you know this is about adjusting how you the beginning. But this last line of this chapter is drink from these pages and unleash the kind of you that the world has yet to see. But you've got to get out of your own way, and by getting out of your own way you have to first acknowledge that you and your thoughts are in the way of the you that the world has yet to see.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and it's really hard to do by yourself. So if you don't have an accountability buddy, like I do, then I would say find yourself a good and qualified coach and we can help you with that too. Whether it's the two of us or we know many, many, many coaches that we could put you in touch with. Get with somebody that you can talk through this with and that you can have accountability towards the things you want to change in your life. The author says that to create the reality you want to live in, you have to begin the process by having the kind of conversations with yourself and others that actually shape that reality. So, sam, I'm so happy that we had this conversation today. I'm looking forward to next week, where we're going to talk about. This was the beginning, but next week is about you being willing to actually do something. In fact, the last book wasn't like. The last whole section was about will it's?
Speaker 2:about? Will this all? Does fit so nicely together. Exactly, and I think that this, like the will really in the last book, was all about like building that inner citadel, as the the stoics like to say, and I think that this is that this is hammering. This whole book is hammering that home. Your inner citadel, your inner thoughts and how you talk to yourself can change your whole life, and so that's yeah, we're gonna figure out if you're willing or not next week.
Speaker 1:Next week. All right, friends. Well, my name is Denise Russo, On behalf of my friend, Sam Powell. This has been another episode of what's on your Bookshelf.