What's on Your Bookshelf?

132 UnF Yourself: Who resists your change more—them or your own mind?

• Denise Russo and Sam Powell • Season 3 • Episode 132

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We unpack Chapter 7—“I am relentless”—and connect mantras to motion, turning obstacles, doubt, and even well-meaning advice into fuel for consistent action. We share stories about evolving dreams, identity shifts, and practical ways to align emotion with execution.

• recap of key mantras and why action matters
• obstacles and discomfort as raw material for growth
• rivers and water as a metaphor for persistence
• loved ones’ advice as resistance and how to filter it
• identity, judgment, and changing how others relate to you
• evolving dreams across careers and life seasons
• jealousy gap and the myth of overnight success
• no entitlement: grind, stake your claim, ship work
• sage vs saboteur and using “are you sure?” wisely
• pairing why with what and how to build momentum
• emotions driving thoughts, actions, and results
• assessments and fit to remove hidden energy drains

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to What's on Your Bookshelf, a life and leadership podcast where we live out loud the pages of the books that are on our shelves. With your host, Denise Russo and Sam Powell.

SPEAKER_01:

Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of What's on Your Bookshelf. This is our Life and Leadership podcast where we're living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo. I'm here today with my friend and co-host Sam Powell, and we are exploring a book called Unf Yourself: Getting Out of Your Head and Into Your Life by Gary John Bishop. We are a little bit more than halfway through the book now, Sam, aren't we? We are. Yeah. I mean, we're rounded on like the I'd say the last third. Last third. So today we are in lucky chapter number seven, all about being relentless. Maybe we do a quick recap, Sam, to bring people up to speed in case they've missed a couple episodes or they're just joining in. How does that sound?

SPEAKER_02:

Sure. Sounds good. Yeah. So this book, like you said, is all about getting out of your head and into your life. And the way that he tells us to do that is to sort of have these like little mantras that shift your thinking and shift your actions, you know, that sort of follow along with that. So we've explored a few different mantras so far, right? I am willing, I'm wired to win, I got this, I embrace uncertainty, I am not my thoughts, I am what I do. And now we are sitting on I am relentless. And I think that this one follows nicely, right? It's almost like he designed the book on purpose. It follows really nicely to the last one because it's I'm not my thoughts, I am what I do, right? It was encouraging us to get into action, right? We might have thoughts, we might have feelings, but we've got to get into action. And then once we're in action, we have to be relentless about it. This is that relentless pursuit of the goals and the dreams that we have. And I think for me, when I think about all of the people who are wildly successful, and you hear their stories, you read their autobiographies, all of them have some kind of relentlessness to them, right? Like they pursued that thing way more than your average person, and it's why they stand out in that area. And um, so it's me, I think like from the beginning, this just this mantra sort of resonated with me.

SPEAKER_01:

What I love about this chapter is that it's a perfect segue coming off the obstacle is the way, which was the book we did before this one, because that one said that you will have obstacles in your life, but that that obstacle may be the opportunity you have. And this author for this chapter says that our biggest successes are born out of, well, call them obstacles, discomfort, uncertainty, and risk. And I love how he started the chapter off, Sam, by giving us a question to think about, because not often do all authors start with a way for you to think about something. It's about their thoughts, it's about their process. And so this author says, think back to some of your biggest successes in life. And it's in it's in capital bold big font letters as it starts the chapter. And so I paused there before I even read past that. And I really did a reflection on what were those successes that I had in life. And I didn't know that following that, it started to talk about, well, something brought you to that success that maybe wasn't easy.

SPEAKER_02:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And it's asking you to like think about that, right? Really think about what were the trials and tribulations along the way that you know brought you there. And I like that he says, you know, the greater their discomfort you experience, the greater the difficulty, the greater the sense of personal accomplishment that comes after. And when I think about, like he asked us to, right? The big accomplishments of your life, they do often come after like the work and the struggle. And it's like you feel like you've earned it more, right? Like I hustled, I pursued, I fought in the trenches for this thing. And so it's like, so it's mine, right? It's this deep sense of accomplishment that you don't get when things just show up. Else you're like, oh, I got lucky, right? Like, oh, it feels like I lucked into that job or that thing, versus like I worked for 10 years to get everything I needed to then step into that role, right? Like it's just it's a very different sense, but he I think he nails it on the head with that. Like, the more you struggle, the more it feels like it's yours.

SPEAKER_01:

You there's a couple things that come to my mind with what you're saying. And the first thing is when he talks about going against the current, it got me to think visually around when you hear about like salmon swimming upstream, or even isn't it? Is it where you live where where the different rivers meet together and there's some confluence of water and that there has to be a push towards where that goes to then release?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, definitely. We'll see that. Yeah, I live in Pittsburgh, and so we have three rivers. We have two rivers that come in like the start of the Ohio Rivers at Pitts at the point in Pittsburgh. And you'll see it, especially in the winter, when there's all the runoff from you know the hills and the valleys and the mountains and all that kind of stuff, and it goes in. And so, like one of the rivers will have a lot of runoff, and so it'll be like a murky brown, and then the other maybe doesn't have as much, and so it'll be much clearer. And so when they come together and smash in to become the Ohio, you'll see this weird, like kind of coming like where they're separate until they're like just pushed and pushed and pushed into you know, becoming one somewhat muddy brownwood river.

SPEAKER_01:

It's interesting to think about that from the terms of this chapter on being relentless, is that you know, obviously, water may not have a sense of a brain like a human, but one of them has to relent to the point that it stops the other one, right? Yeah, or that it comes together.

SPEAKER_02:

And yeah, I mean, when I think about, you know, the power of what water does, right? Like you think about like the Grand Canyon and like the fact that like water carves out, it destroys it, or like it just does a lot, but it just it doesn't let up, right? It finds the path forward until you know, until it's all absorbed, until it's you know found a resting place. But water is a very powerful, very powerful force.

SPEAKER_01:

I've always thought, you know, water can uh kill you and water can save you. As you know, or from past episodes for our listeners, my house was destroyed in a flood. And at the same time, it was sort of ironic that at the time my house was destroyed by the flood, I had a uh nonprofit I had started to raise money to give clean, safe drinking water to people that don't have water because you need water to live. So it is interesting to think about the uh, I guess this the opposite effects of that. And they are actually the chapter, it's an interesting segue, maybe to talk about how maybe the people that love you the most or the people that are the closest to you often are the people that resist you breaking out of your habits and your normal nature because the book says that sometimes you want to try to do something different. Maybe it's a different career, maybe you want to move, maybe you want a different kind of a situation for your life. And have you ever had people in your life that that you know love you that will say something like, Oh, you really shouldn't do that? That's that probably isn't a good idea. Well, why would you take that risk? I'm sure you have had it, and I've had it for sure in the last two years, even of deciding how do we go from a very stable senior level corporate career into this more entrepreneurial side of our businesses. And for me, this business has been primarily what I've done for a long time. And for you, it's a little different in a way, going from being, you know, a corporate people leader to now going into leadership development and coaching and training, even though it was a part of what you did as a leader, right?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, it was definitely a pivot. And it's funny, I had um, you know, when you started talking about this, that, you know, like you'll have this. It was soon as you're going against the grain, as soon as you're pursuing, you know, a path, there will always be people who are like, are you sure? Do you really want that? And I had like we we went through the you know, the layoff thing. And then a year later, um, I had a friend that same thing happened to her, and she called me up and she was like, Sam, I don't know how many people are telling me like I need to hop right into looking for another job. She's like, but I'm gonna take a summer and it's gonna be the summer of me, and I'm gonna, you know, take a small break. I've been working for decades. Like it's I'm just gonna take a little bit of time for me. And she goes, and so many people are telling me I'm completely insane for doing this. And she was like, I want to talk to you because I know you won't, like, right? You're you're you've done this, right? You've been down this path. And it was this really interesting conversation. But I think that so often um it reminds me of a quote I read somewhere that basically like advice is its own form of judgment, or advice just is a form of judgment. And so I think about that all the time when I go to give advice because I'm like, oh, am I just judging the situation for what it is? Right. And I think we've normalized, let me tell you what I think you should do. And in reality, it's what I would do in the situation because of my own fears, my own limiting beliefs, my own, you know, how I see the world and uh viewpoints and things like that. And often it doesn't apply to the other person, right? Like there's so much nuance, there's so much you don't understand about someone's, you know, day to day, day in, day out life, that like that advice is almost just pushing your own insecurities, your own, you know, things that you should probably be working through onto somebody else. And I you see that a lot. I think that happens to us a lot when we step into something, I think, brave, right? It's scary and brave.

SPEAKER_01:

That's good. That's so good. The the author says something interesting here, which may be impactful for you listening. It's definitely been for me, which is people in your life have gotten used to relating to you as a specific kind of a person. So, like in the case of your friend, all those people that said don't take off the summer, it's because they were accustomed to seeing this person, like you said, work for decades. But then it says here that you have to break out of that mold because resistance doesn't just come from other people, it comes from your mind too. Remember, the name of the book is not on F them, it's on F yourself. And it's about your conscious and subconscious thoughts that work against you to stop your dreams right in their tracks. You and I were just talking off the microphone about an opportunity that I'm looking at right now for something really interesting that I that I am really intrigued by. And there was a time in my life when the thing that I'm going for changed and I went for something else in my career instead. And there's always been this thing in the back of my heart that that says, I wonder if my life, what it would it have been like if I had made different decisions and jobs I took or career paths I took. And if you can get your dream right and then not stop it in its tracks, but make sure is it something you really, really do want? I was talking yesterday, even to Dennis, who's our friend that is on some of our episodes of What's on Your Bookshelf with Zach. And and the topic of our discussion was just that like what were your dreams once? And when did that change? And so he was telling me, for example, that he at one time, when he was younger, wanted to be a sportscaster, which I thought was interesting. We talked about you for a little bit while we were on the call with um with Lead the Game. And he said this was something he really wanted to do because he saw people do something they really enjoyed and make money at it. But then something happened in his life, and that dream changed. He he went into the military, and so then he got a new dream when he found out that he really liked leading people. And then when he retired from the military, his dream shifted a little bit again when he decided to start his own business as a coach and leadership development expert. And so we had a really interesting conversation around what were the resistors that either made it hard to make the change or that that made you maybe regret the change later. Because sometimes you make a change because you really think it is what you want, but then you get there and you realize, wow, it's just a different color on the same wrapping, maybe.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that that's such an interesting, I don't know, thought process, right? That I I think we're we were all sold this lie at some point. I don't even know where it comes from, but it's that this like that life is you know, this you choose the job that you want and then you do that forever. And then that's just how it works overall. And I don't think that like, but I think what we all find out as we, you know, grow into adulthood is that like none of that is true, right? There's no one path. It's not like I worked all of school to then become this one thing, and then that becomes like my whole identity and all of this, right? Like you're saying, like people are used to seeing you in a certain way. And when you question your identity and you throw that out there for people to see, people get really uncomfortable because then they have to question, they have to turn around and look and say, Well, my dream was this, but then I ended up here, and then this is whatever, right? And they have to reconcile all of that. And sometimes it's reconciliation in a positive way, sometimes it's yeah, that I'm not where I want to be, right? And then how scary is that to think about if you're down that sort of a path? And so we see all this resistance come up from the beginning of like, oh, I don't want to be that person, or oh, I've become somebody I don't want to be, or oh, I've gone down a path I didn't want to get to. But to change anything is terrifying, right? And to make those moves and to figure that out. And so when you see somebody out there doing it, it's terrifying. Or you feel like that's for them, not for me, right? Like, oh, they can do it because of something special in their life. But I really want that, but I don't like, right? And so it becomes this like almost jealous gap, like jealousy gap that isn't real, that doesn't really exist, right? It's it's just somebody being relentless, going out there and chasing it, not giving up when you, you know, when you want to. And I think like, I mean, you and I see this, I think, all the time, and like, you know, doing the entrepreneurial journey, doing the consulting type work is like the relentlessness, like is tends to be what wins, right? Most people give up at a certain point. They're like, oh, this would be great to do, and they try it for a few minutes and then they quit. Whereas it's that that relentless pursuit of let me keep going. Okay, this is hard. Let me adjust and keep going. Let me adjust and keep going. And you just do that longer than most people. And then most people are like, oh, wow, you're like, you're just really successful. It's like, not really, you've missed the first three years that were all just me tripping in the mud. And now I finally hit some, you know, more solid ground. And that's all you're seeing.

SPEAKER_01:

So John Maxwell teaches this, and I may not say it exactly the way he says it, but he basically teaches that he's been a leadership development expert for far longer than we've even been alive. And he says, if you want what I have, then you have to be willing to do what I did. And it didn't just happen overnight. It happened through this relentless pursuit of a continuous learning, building relationships, practicing, failing forward, being able to sometimes win and sometimes learn, being able to live with intention. All the titles of every single one of his books is almost like a blueprint of how he had to lead his life from here was a guy who was a small town originally, a small town pastor, and it was up against some of the people in his church that wanted it to be one way. He wanted it to be uh grow it in a different way. He ended up becoming uh or being able to be mentored by John Wooden. And we did such a nice series on Coach Wooden by Pat Williams early on in What's on Your Bookshelf. And we know that from Coach Wooden's teachings that he also had a mentor through his father, just like John Maxwell did with his father, a relentless pursuit for excellence and purpose in life. And so when you have these, like positive intelligence, the program by Shrazad Shamin, uh, that's out there. If you're a coach and you want information on positive intelligence, reach out to us and we'll get you some links. But in positive intelligence, they talk about two things called the sage and the saboteur. But you could think about it like a Tom and Jerry cartoon where there's like the little angel on one shoulder and a little devil on the other shoulder. And it isn't always that the one that is trying to antagonize you is blatantly something you wouldn't do. Sometimes that that saboteur is asking you really relevant questions like, are you really sure that this is the right direction to go in? Like, let's say you are deciding if you want to leave your job. Are you really sure? Because that's a good question to ask, but you can't get stuck in the question. And so what the author says as we sort of transition into the next part of this piece of the chapter is the things that those saboteurs are asking you, like, really should you do this? Do you is it really worth your time, effort, and energy? Is that the author says it's only true if you agree with it? And it's in our subconscious that we get most of our thoughts throughout the day. So what ones are you going to agree with? And which ones are you going to say, no, that isn't true?

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. And I think that, you know, those the saboteur questions are helpful to us if we react to them correctly, right? Like they almost become this little mini obstacle that like we do need to address, right? Like I had a I had a client who wanted to um like make a big life change, like move completely to another city from like where they're at currently. And not everybody in their life was thinking that was a great idea, right? Like they were like, why would you want to do that? But some of the questions were really valid, right? Like, can you afford to do it? How will you support yourself? Do you have enough of like in a sec? It's like those are valid questions. Go figure them out. Like, right, you should be questioning a bit. You should be having that, yeah, I can do this, but what about this? And it's like, okay, well, then let me figure that out. That's why when I do goal setting with people, I always have them write down their why with it, right? Like, why do you want to do this? What is it about this goal that lights you up, that makes you want to pursue it? Write it down so that when the saboteur comes, you can go back to that note and say, okay, yeah, this is still valid, right? This is this. And it's okay if you come back a few months from now and say, Nope, I learned these things on this journey, and now I want something different. Now I want something, you know, spun in a different, right? Back kind of back to the point of, you know, we think life is like this and then this and this and this, and it's not. It's well, if this, then I take this left turd and this right turd and this loop-de-loop, and here I am back at the spot I didn't mean to be, but that's okay because now I'm wiser and I can, you know, take the right path this time or the path that I want to take this time. And, you know, I think that we've got to do those constant check-ins, and we tend to not do them. And then if we're being relentless, we're doing it down the wrong path. And relentlessness has to be in pursuit of what you know you want.

SPEAKER_01:

I wonder what comes after why, because I do think you all you should start with why. Another book for your bookshelf, everyone, Simon Sinek, start with why. It's a great book, and you should start with why because the why, I think we was it the last book we talked about, which basically said something has to be within you to care enough about it to sustain it.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

So if you start with the why in mind, which is that thing that drives your passion for it, then you have to look at your potential and the purpose that's within it, maybe. And so would you say, Sam, after why, should you then outline then what are you going to do, or should you outline how would you do it? Is or is it chicken or the egg that they both come at the same time?

SPEAKER_02:

That's a good question. I think if you know what you want to do and why you want to do it, then it's almost like the how and the the how you do it and the what you do are almost like they're I feel like they're almost intertwined, right? Like you gotta just go do something, go find what to do, and then from there you learn how you're doing it, and then you go figure out what to do, and then you figure out how you're doing it, and then eventually you've got a clear how this path comes to fruition. But I think at the beginning it's really murky, and so it's just figure out one what to do and go do it. And when you feel like, oh, it's muddy again, oh, I'm not sure if I can do this. Oh, that saboteur is talking to me on my shoulder, go figure out what to do, right? Just a thing to do. So maybe what is first, but what is like holding hands with how, I think.

SPEAKER_01:

The author says it like this sometimes you just have to grind it out, stake your claim, and hustle for what you want. So he doesn't say how you do that. He just says you have to just go for it. You just have to do it, you have to take action, you have to take that step. I think we've heard this in every book we've done so far, whether it's obstacles away, atomic habits, it's taking the first step outside of your dream into action. And so the author basically says, your goals are possible, but don't be fooled, fooled by the self-help BS. And he spells these words out. So for interest of the young listeners, don't be fooled by self-help BS that tells you you deserve something because you don't. No one does. The conversation will leave you waiting and wanting and eventually a complete victim in your own life. Sometimes you have to, like I said, he mentions, grind it out, stake your claim, hustle. And you need to make it happen by taking those steps. And that I agree with you that a hand in hand, the what and the how is going to give you maybe those results. We talk about this quite often that if you don't like the results you have in your life over something, what are you gonna do about it? It's about the action or inaction that you took or didn't take that got you the results you have. Right. But if you stop there, you miss the point of this book because the actions were driven by your thinking and your emotions. I've been doing this certification lately, Sam, and I can't wait to tell people more about it as we get deeper into the conversations with it. But Agile Brain is a program where people can dive into their subconscious emotions that drive their thinking. And those thinkings are what drives our actions and the behaviors behind the actions and then the results. If you're listening to this episode and you may be interested in learning more about how your emotions drive your actions and your results, then we are able to offer you a really great uh discovery call about agile brain. And so I want to encourage you to reach out to us. Zach has in the show notes ways that you can do that. I know we're almost out of time for today, but I didn't want to neglect mentioning that, Sam, because it could be something that helps people to understand that that dream they have is possible, but they have to make sure it isn't just a dream. And it's something they're really willing to be relentless to go after and put into their practice of their life.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. And I think anything you can do to uncover the things that are holding you back. Like I recently had a big, big breakthrough in something I didn't realize was holding me back from reading a book, from reading like a random, like happily ever after romance novel, but one of the characters was dealing with something in their life. And as I read this character, I was like, oh my gosh, I this is like right, this is part of like something I deal with. And unlocking that has helped me realize, oh, there's a whole area in my life I need to go work on. And and now I'm working on it. And like it'll change my life by just uncovering, like unlocking that like subconsciousness so that when I'm in action, it's something that is just more aligned, more attuned, has less bloggers to it. Because yes, you can be relentless and you have to be relentless. If you want something, you have to go after it and go after it and go after it and go after it, and then go after it some more. And then when you want to quit, you have to go after it again. And then when 99% of people quit, you have to go after it still. But if you keep putting a bunch of roadblocks in your own way, or your subconscious keeps putting a bunch of roadblocks in your own way, that journey is a lot harder than it really needs to be. And so it's facing those things that are holding you back, facing those things that are, you know, kind of how you're wired, so that you can work with it, right? It doesn't have to be something, right? I you and I do disc all the time, disc, you know, behavior assessments. And it's funny to me how like I'll I just did an assessment the other day for a client and their default wiring, how they like to work, is so at odds with the environment that they work in and the career that they've had for the last almost 20 years. And it's like, no wonder you hate this, right? Because you are constantly, constantly up against something that just doesn't work for you, doesn't serve you. And so you're having to expend all this extra energy that you really don't need to if you were to make a change, if you were to figure this out, if you were to work on that, right? And figure out what the solution is for you in that space. And so, yeah, I think I did the agile brain um assessment the other day, and I really liked it. It was really interesting. But I think anything that helps you, you know, just think about yourself and learn about yourself helps you in your pursuit of relentlessness.

SPEAKER_01:

Agreed. So here's the action for today, since we're out of time. Think about those successes you've had in your life. That's the feel-good part because next week the author says we need to stop doing all that poo, and you can imagine he doesn't say poo. Stop doing all the poo you know you shouldn't be doing and start doing all the stuff you know you should be doing. So we're gonna get into that next week where I expect nothing and accept everything. It's been great as always to be with you again today, Sam. I enjoy our conversation so much. And friends, if you're enjoying the conversations or getting value from it and you know somebody else could as well, would you please share our episodes with someone else? Comment, uh, share with us what is helping you. And we love to hear from you even on our LinkedIn. We put different information out there every day. Both of us put stuff out there every day. So follow along, comment, like, and share because it helps us to find more people that can get value from what we're talking about. So for today, my name is Denise Russo, and on behalf of my friend Sam Powell, this has been another episode of What's on Your Bookshelf!