What's on Your Bookshelf?

136 The Four Agreements: Opening The Door To Personal Freedom

• Denise Russo and Sam Powell • Season 3 • Episode 136

Share episode

We open a new arc with The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, shifting from a year of habits and happiness into a practice of inner freedom rooted in Toltec wisdom. The smoky mirror story sets our theme: clear the fog, see the light, and rebuild beliefs that actually serve.

• framing freedom as the progression after happiness and habits
• why Toltec roots and the smoky mirror metaphor matter
• decisions that pinch and how projection clouds advice
• images of light versus labels and roles
• polarization as fog and the role of attention
• how emotions shape thoughts, thoughts shape beliefs
• next steps into domestication and belief work
• plan to explore each agreement in depth

If you are interested in getting the book, Zach will have some links in our show notes for you
We hope that you will share these episodes with those that you think will get value from it as well


Support the show

Connect with us on our LinkedIn page School of Thoughts . We also value your reviews, subscribing, and sharing our podcast "What's On Your Bookshelf?" on Apple and Spotify.

Subscribe to our new YouTube channel.

SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to What's on Your Bookshelf, a life and leadership podcast where we live out loud the pages of the books that are on our shelves. With your host, Denise Russo and Sam Powell.

SPEAKER_01:

Hello, everyone. Welcome back. It's another episode of What's on Your Bookshelf. This is our Life and Leadership podcast where we're living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo. My co-host and friend is Sam Powell. And we are here today to introduce you to the next book that we have for this year. Sam, it's great to be here with you today.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I'm super excited. I can't believe we're on the last book for the year, but this one's gonna be good. I'm I'm so excited. We did a little interim episode a week or so ago, and uh yeah, I'm super excited to get this one going. It feels like the, I don't know, like always like the dawn of a new day type of a thing when we start a new book of like all the possibilities, all the excitement. And uh yeah, I can't wait to finish this year out with you and get going on this last book of the year.

SPEAKER_01:

Agreed, agreed. Do you remember a couple episodes ago? I was telling about my cousin who was buying books to just look nice on his table. So that was this book for me for real, because I bought it as like you're like, oh, it's so pretty. I bought this this book, it was part of this like boxed is fancy. Yeah, look at that. Stancy, colorful, and so basically the the box set had three of the books from this author. So maybe we'll have to read the other ones for fun after this. But so the author of this book is named Don Miguel Ruiz, and the name of the book that we're about to go through is called The Four Agreements, and it's interesting because we have a lot more agreements that we disagree with in our subconscious minds. And this book is a book about wisdom and how we can elevate our attention to the four good agreements. It almost probably should have been called the four good agreements, or the four agreements you should really pick, or the only four agreements you need in life.

SPEAKER_02:

And maybe these are just the I mean, he calls it a practical guide to personal freedom. So these are the four agreements that get you to personal freedom, which is, I think, I don't know, at the end of this year, right? We talked all of last year about happiness and really how to go after that in practical ways and you know, from a bunch of different perspectives. We went on a journey with somebody who did a whole year of it, right? Like really neat stuff. And so then this year, you know, we were thinking about like, well, what comes after pursuing happiness? And it's like, well, real life hits, and you hit a bunch of obstacles to that. And so then that's where we, you know, went through the books of this year. And so then to end in this space of, okay, well, how do you open this up into personal freedom is really like, I don't know, to me to me, feels like the arc of this journey. And like, I can't wait to see where we go next year. But you know, this this feels like that, like we pursued happiness. We uh on the heels of you know, atomic daily habits and how to, you know, hack our brains and how do we work and all that sort of good stuff to go pursue happiness, to then really figure out how to use the struggles of life to get, you know, out of our own way, get out of our own heads and you know, into a space where we can do it. And then this really like I feel like opens the gates up to how to live a life that is is really free. And I think that's one of the key things we all strive for.

SPEAKER_01:

I agree with you. I would say to maybe add to that, something that struck me in these first couple of chapters is that we can look at happiness as something that we have to get from other people. We can look at obstacles being things that are happening to us, we can look at habits as things that we kind of compare ourselves to other people. And this book is about the fact that the things that we have in life that we might call success or not success first start inside of ourselves. And so this book is about conquering self-limiting beliefs. This is a book about the thoughts and belief systems we have inside of ourselves, despite anybody or anything that's around us, and not to say that you can't change some of that too. I have a mentor that one time said to me, Denise, if you can't change the people around you, then change the people around you. And so, you know, sometimes some of those things that we have to go through are hard changes. We just had a great conversation before we started the episode today around making decisions that are sometimes hard because the decision is really good to stay or to go. And you had an awesome post recently on LinkedIn that talked about that. And you were talking about actually on one of my posts some lyrics to a song that that you're a fan of that talk about the the hardship of making change when where you are is also pretty good.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, yeah. And I and I think that you know, we get to these places where it feels like where the line from the song is like that, it feels like pinching, right? Like where we feel like we're squeezed, we feel like it's staying hurts, going hurts, moving up, down, left, right, front, center, like all of it is hard and is difficult. And so it's like when you're in these spaces, which we get to a lot in life, right? And sometimes it's as simple as do I get off the couch and do the dishes, or do I just deal with the clutter, right? Like sometimes it's little moments, sometimes it's really big things, like do I change jobs? Um, but I think that this book really gets into like deep esoteric wisdom on what do you do from the inside out? And right, and that's where we came from with the last book, right? On F Yourself was really about getting out of your head and into your mind. And this is like feels like that level deeper to me. This is like, let's get into like the soul of us, right? Like the really, like the really deep core principle, fundamental value, beliefs, and just four of them, right? We're only talking about four here. And you know, then taking control and getting freedom from that place. And so this is like that I don't know, the end of the year here. Let's dig a little bit deeper than we have to gain a lot more like expansive space in a way. And it might hurt, like it's gonna hurt while you do it. And I and this book is um, and we're gonna talk about like the introduction of this book here. I mean, it's a little like you gotta read through the intro because you know, it's one of those things that like I have a lot of it highlighted and it really resonated with me in a lot of different ways. But it's you know, it's it's a metaphor story. It's uh, you know, it's definitely could could feel a little woo-woo to some people, I think, because this is um Toltic wisdom. So um, this is uh from southern Mexico. This is a group of men and women of knowledge, is what Toltic means, but this is from thousands of years ago. And these were people who were scientists and artists, and they really um believed in like the spiritual knowledge. What does he say specifically here? But you know, they formed a society to explore and conserve the spiritual knowledge and practices of the ancient ones, they came together as masters, nogals, and students of Tetokanen. I really should figure out how to pronounce that, but the ancient period that's the ancient pyramids that are outside of Mexico City is the place where man becomes god. So this is you know, ancient kind of going back to ancient wisdom like we did with the Stoics.

SPEAKER_01:

Did you ever watch the movie Princess and the Frog? Yeah, okay. So of course it's a Disney movie. And when I think about this one part in the movie, there is this sort of uh witch doctor person and Mama Odie. Yeah. And so she in the movie is this older person that's full of wisdom. And so Princess Tiana, well, before she was the princess, went to go see her. And it makes you think of even like there's another movie, Coco, uh, which is a Disney Pixar film where the little boy is going to his grandmother, his abuela, for wisdom. And so there's a song in The Princess and the Frog that Mama Odie sings. And you had just said something that triggered my thought, which is why I'm telling you this story. But the song is called Dig a Little Deeper. And in the lyrics of the song, it talks about it doesn't matter what you look like, it doesn't matter what you wear, it doesn't matter how many rings are on your finger. You shouldn't care about those things. And then it goes on to say, it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter where you are, it doesn't matter who you are. You could be a dog, a pig, a goat. Um basically, she says it's like you have to get beyond that, you have to dig deeper. Um, all of these things that she had in her uh like cabin, I guess, or whatever, they had figured out what they wanted. Now she was using magic to do it, which this I don't think is magic. This is this Toltec wisdom that comes from these scientists and artists of old. But when she says, When you find out who you are, you'll find out what you need. Blue skies and sunshine are guaranteed. And so I think that this book, as I've started to read it, is about that. We have to dig deeper. We often go back to that very first series we did with uh uh the book by um the book Coach Wooden by Pat Williams, where he says, you have to drink deeply from good books. And if you drink deeply deeply and you dig deeper, you're gonna find something that can apply into your life. And so here's the trick, I think, is that in this first intro where you were talking about the Toltec um masters, these masters are were called naguals, I think. I'm probably pronouncing that wrong as well. But they were told that they had to conceal wisdom. And isn't that so sad that you think that they had to conceal something away from people? And I just seen on television, Sam, something the other day about how ancient Egyptians were told to conceal the truth about like you know what's beyond life. And so they hid all this stuff in the pyramids or in places, and some of it got destroyed and found. And why would you want to keep something magnificent away from people? Unless it's because, as this book says, is that we are living in a fog, and we'll get to that maybe next week. But but that's what kind of struck me in the beginning of this is that we're trying to be like archaeologists and uncover and unmask the wisdom from really old, wise scientists and artists that that are the Toltecs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And this, and it's interesting because this story or this book, it starts with like, here's who the Toltecs are and what they were all about. But the introduction, like you said, is all about this smoky mirror. And it's just a story. It's not, you know, it's it's like it's setting the whole stage up with a really interesting story about a human who lived 3,000 years ago. And he says he was just like you and me who lived near a city surrounded by mountains, and the person was starting to become a medicine man. But in his heart, he felt like there might, there had to be something more. And it says, one day he stepped into a cave and dreamed that he saw his own body sleeping. And he came out into the night, the sky was clear, he could see millions of stars, and then something happened inside of him that transformed his life forever. He looked his hands, he felt his body, and he heard his own voice say, I am made of light, I am made of stars. And he goes into this whole, and we'll probably pull out lots of things because I have the whole basically the whole thing highlighted. But he, you know, so this this book starts with this story of someone who is off is who goes out, like you said, out seeking wisdom, out seeking that deeper meaning to life, that deeper peace, and has this revelation, right? And it like just reminds me of so many stories I've heard. Like I it obviously reminds me of my episode of The Simpsons I saw. Like it just is like it, it's that, you know, someone goes out to like do deep, you know, deep work and and comes to this revelation. And you know, he says he looks at the stars and he realized that it's not the stars that create light, but rather light that creates the stars, and everything is made of light, and the space between isn't empty. And he realized that though he was made of stars, he wasn't the stars, he was the in between the stars, and so this is where they introduces the concept of tonal, which is the stars, and nagual, which is the light in between the stars. And he says that what created the harmony and space between the two is life or intent. And so when we think about the rest of this book, like it's really between the space of like that we are it's this revelation of like that we are the light, we are the in-between in the stars. And I don't know, it was just it was a very interesting start to this book and like real deep off the cup. It was like, woo, okay, take this on this journey. I don't know, like what did you think as you started this? Because it kind of becomes the foundation, I think, as we move forward.

SPEAKER_01:

It was really deep. I had to reread this part of the book several times to get my own Denise understanding of it. And so when he says we're the light, he later says, though, we're the images of the light. And so when Vincent showed me this video recently where it was talking about um light and absence of light, like what we call or define as darkness. And it was a scientist that was talking on this video that there is no such thing as darkness. There is such a thing as light, but there's an absence of light that isn't real. And so when this was talking about that, we're the images of light, it really had me thinking about the fact that an image of something is the mirror of something else. Like if you think about um, I went to the villains show last week at Hollywood Studios at Disney World, it's a new show there. And if you if you go, if you haven't been to Disney World, and while it's the cutest, great show. And and it's about all these villains that are wanting to feel like they get some sort of uh highlights as to, you know, they're not so bad, or why do they always get a bad rap? And so, but the point is is the the key villain is the uh stepmother in Snow White, right? The one that says mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? And then the mirror always tells her that it's her, and yet the reflection sometimes is like this old hag, you know, and then sometimes the reflection is something beautiful, but the mirror isn't her, she's a reflection, she's seeing a reflection of what she is, and so what I took away from this is what do I want my reflection to be? I want to be like the Bible says that we're called to be salt and light, because salt makes things taste better and light makes things brighter. And if you aren't those things, you're kind of bland and dark. And so who wants to be bland and dark? So when I read this, I started thinking deeper about that because then he segues into talking about how we actually have smoke and mirrors. And so I started trying to research that a little bit like where did that come from? Uh fog and this idea of when we say, Oh, it's all smoke and mirrors is just like a saying. And it turns out that smoke and mirrors came about because magicians were using it as an illusion so that you would see things floating that actually weren't. So it was like a lie. And so the smoke and the mirrors in the illusion had to create this fantasy to make people believe something. And so I think this book is that we have caused this creation of a fantasy. Sometimes it's a lie, like chapter one talks about all the lies we tell ourselves, and then it talks about how you can have freedom from that. So if you can remove the smoke and you can and see that light, or like walk to the light, I guess, if you will, you're gonna be able to get past the smoke in the mirrors because smoke and mirrors are intended, like if we say it from a business context, like it's all smoke and mirrors, it's about keeping you in the dark about something, it's about hiding something. So this is again about light. What can we bring to light? So I'm excited to go on this journey with you to figure out how we like turn the light switch up a little bit brighter and make the journey a little bit clearer.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and I think that this, like as you're talking about the smoke and mirrors, right? It reminds me of um the soul for happy book, right? He talks about that, like we are not like we're not the the thoughts and the things that go through head, like we're the observer of those things. And this is kind of a similar sort of thought process, a bit different, but like kind of sort of the same thing, right? The real us that he says here is pure love, pure light. And once he knew what he really was, and he could look around at everyone else, and he saw himself in everything, in every human, in every animal, in every tree, in the water, in the rain, in the clouds, and the earth. And he saw that life it was just mixed in different ways of this light and in between the light to create billions of manifestations of light of life. And I think that like again, that reminds me of like the soul for happy of like we're not like just because a thought, a feeling, or whatever comes through us doesn't mean that that's who we are. We're the person who steps back, right? And I think that he's kind of taking this the step further here in we are the same, you and I, fundamentally, right? If we can remove the smoke, remove the fog, remove all of this, and if we could see each other clearly, we could see, you know, that we are we are the same, right? We are manifestations that might look a little bit different, but we are manifestations of life at the end of the day. And um, you know, and I think that there's something really, I don't know, I think about the world today and how polarized it is and how much fighting there is, about kind of you know, anything and everything in the world, right? Like all you have to do is look at one post on the internet and you'll see a million, you know, comments back and forth. But I think that if we could really strip away a lot of those things, we could come down to that understanding that we are the same, right? We we really fundamentally do, we are just different manifestations of life, of you know, I think he talks about here, right? Of God. He says, it is true, I am God, but you are also God. We are the same, you and I, we are images of light, we are God, right? It's almost this like idea of like we are all holy in a way, right? Because we are manifestations of life. And like if you strip everything else out and come down to this fundamental thing, but like that's not that's not how we live our life, right? There's a mirror in front of us, there's smoke, there's fog, and we're just reflecting what we're seeing, right? And he says that you know, he knew he would he would forget, he would soon forget all of these lessons. But and so he wants to call himself smoky mirror to remind himself that like what he's seeing in other people isn't necessarily real, and what they're seeing in him isn't necessarily real. It's this kind of mirrored thing. And I think it makes me think again about like the things that people say to us often. And then you and I talk about this all the time in like career changes and stuff like this. Of uh, a lot of times the advice we give, the advice we receive is more about the person giving it, right? It's not, it has nothing to do with like, oh, uh, you should do this. It's what they're saying really is I would do this, right? It's this mirror. I'm seeing this foggy version of you because I'm really kind of looking at myself in you and you know, then kind of projecting that outward. And so this is really coming down to like, you know, as we move forward, is like, how do we see ourselves clearly? And like you said, this first chapter as we get out of the introduction is helping us see why we don't see things clearly, right? How does that all come about? How do we come to the beliefs, come to the thoughts that we, you know, that we all have that don't allow us to see ourselves and others clearly?

SPEAKER_01:

Have you ever driven down the road like in the early morning and it's really foggy outside? And you can't morning here. Okay. So you can't really see the car in front of you, even sometimes, right? And but yet you can't really touch fog. You can maybe use the windshield wiper to get rid of some of it, but you can't really touch it. You don't know really where it comes from or where it goes. But as it lifts, you suddenly can see your way forward. And you may have driven up and down that road a million times, but when it's foggy, it creates almost like a sense of fear because you don't know what's in front of you, and you don't know if the people behind you know that you're in front of them, right? And so this author talks about something you just touched on, which is the polarization of our world as it is right now, and he says we don't recognize each other because of the smoke in between us, or let's call it like the fog that's in between us. And maybe if we can lift some of that away, then we can come to terms with how to live your best life. Because if you live your best life, it's almost like there's a book that we just did on Zach's show that talks about how to be a good team leader, you have to first start with yourself. It's like when you're on the airplane and they say put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. If you don't get it right for yourself, you can't be at your best for others. So if we want the smoke to lift, we have to understand what these four agreements are. So we're not gonna tell you anything about the four agreements just yet. However, there's four of them, and they're the four agreements we want to strive for. So each of our episodes that come after today will highlight and go deep into each of the four.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh, well, next week's episode will actually talk about what's in our way in more detail, and then we'll get to the four.

SPEAKER_01:

Yes, yes, because that's a good point. Because the dream that we live in, we live in a dream continuously, but we kind of are living in a nightmare as well. And like you said, you could just open up any social media app right now and it feels like a nightmare. So this is going to talk about how do we get awareness? So we've talked about this before as well that if you want to change a result in your life, you have to look at the actions you took or didn't take. But those actions all come from beliefs. This book is the part that's all about beliefs. The step before beliefs is thoughts, and the step before thoughts is our emotions. And so if you are new to tuning in to our podcast, in October, we will have an entire series about our emotions. That's a special edition series that I host with JD Pincus, who is the um Dr. J.D. Pincus is the author of something called the 12 emotional states of the agile brain. And so we want to look at all those things that are within our subconscious mind, our belief systems. That's this book is the belief systems to gain wisdom, to have more freedom in our life, in our the way we think, in the way we act, and the way we uh respond to others, communicate, and evolve.

SPEAKER_02:

Love that. Love that. All right, can't wait to get in deeper with you, get past the intro and into next week's The Domestication of Dream of the Domestication and the Dream of the Planet, which is was an interesting title and uh was an interesting chapter. So can't wait.

SPEAKER_01:

Yep, me too. All right, well, friends, thanks for joining us today. If you are uh interested in getting the book, Zach will have some links in our show notes for you. And we hope that you will share these episodes with those that you think will get value from it as well. But for today, my name is Denise Russo. On behalf of my friend Sam Powell, this has been another episode of What's on Your Bookshop.