What's on Your Bookshelf?
“What’s On Your Bookshelf” is a personal and professional growth podcast exploring the intersections of passion, potential, and purpose - featuring multi-certified coach and leadership development consultant Denise R. Russo alongside Sam Powell, Zach Elliott, Tom Schweizer, Dennis LaRue, and Michelle King.
What's on Your Bookshelf?
139 The Four Agreements: Own Your Reactions, Find Your Freedom
We explore the second agreement from The Four Agreements and show how not taking things personally creates real freedom. Personal stories, practical tools, and a clear path to separate identity from other people’s words and your own inner critic
• Why “not taking it personally” breaks hidden agreements
• Words as spells that bind or free
• The cost of praise and criticism when you cling to either
• Childhood labels shaping adult identity
• Reframing feedback as data not destiny
• Choice over suffering through clear, kind requests
• Building an inner citadel and observing thoughts
• Identity as cyclical and transitional
• A coaching tool: the inner board of directors
• A daily post-it practice to anchor the agreement
Zach will have in the show notes ways for you to get access to the book, as well as for you to communicate directly with us because it always helps us to hear as well. How are you living out loud these things that we’re sharing with you that we are?
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Welcome to What's on Your Bookshelf, a life and leadership podcast where we live out loud the pages of the books that are on our shelves. With your host, Denise Russo and Sam Powell.
SPEAKER_01:Hello, everyone. Welcome back. It's another episode of What's on Your Bookshelf. This is our life and leadership podcast where we're living out loud the pages of the books that are on our bookshelves. My name is Denise Russo. My co-host is Sam Powell, and the book that we are in is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, which is a practical guide to personal freedom. We started this book a couple episodes ago. So if you're just catching up, you can always go back and listen to the episodes. But today we are in chapter number three, which is the second of the four agreements. And Sam, I am, as always, but even more so today, very happy to be with you here and going through this book, which is very personal.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, definitely. And I I love this chapter because I think if there was a gift I could give somebody, it would be to write this on their soul, like to really have it ingrained in their being, because it really is, I think, the type of agreement you make with yourself. And I think it's an agreement you make with yourself day in, day out, moment by moment, thing that happens by thing that happens. But when you do, uh it really does set you free in a way that I I've found very few other things have in my life so far. Like this to me was a slow reckoning throughout my life, especially in the last probably 10 years, I would say, just of like, I don't know. I feel like this last decade of mine has been coming around and writing this agreement onto my own soul. And if I could give people a gift in life, I think it would be this one.
SPEAKER_01:I would love for you to send that gift to me, FedEx Express, because this one is really, really hard today. And it's because if you don't have this book in your hand while you're going through something, it's really hard to get past what this is teaching. And so this is why I don't know. I really loved the Coach Wooden book, but I loved, as you know, most the one piece where he step talks about uh drinking deeply from good books, which means if you're gonna read a book, you don't just read the words, you have to live them out loud, which is how we actually came up with the tagline for the show. And this one is so meaningful to me just this week. And and so I want to share that as you're listening, each chapter is how we're living these out loud. It may be that this chapter doesn't resonate with you today, or maybe it deeply does, but books are not meant to be stored on your shelf just to be decorations, like I mentioned, my cousin did. And um, and so when I'm looking at this, I'm thinking to myself that in this specific chapter, there's at least three examples that are happening in my personal life right now that are easy to take something personally. So I want to point out for me, one of the most poignant parts of the chapter. I highlighted it, I wrote on it, I folded the page over, and I even have a little flag on the page. And it basically says nothing other people do is because of you, it's because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind. They are completely in a different world from the one we live in. And when we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what's in our world and we try to impose our world on their world. And that has to give me pause, even because you and I were talking off microphone before we got on the call just now. And there's so much that I know that I do, especially with people I love the most, that I internalize about their feelings.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And I think that that's one of the hardest things. And and he explains, and I have that exact same thing highlighted, starred tag on the page. And he says right before that, right, is what causes you to be trapped is what we call personal importance or taking things personally. It's the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything is about me. And I think that like when we think about this and why we struggle so much with not taking anything personally is because we don't want to accept the fact that like we are all inherently selfish, but not in necessarily a bad way. Like, there's such a bad stigma about the word selfish. It's like if you're selfish, you're only thinking about yourself, you're only doing whatever. But I think you got to reframe that a bit into we are all self-centered in the way that we only exist from ourselves, right? We only exist through the lens of our eyes, our ears, our experience, you know, all the things that make us who we are. And so when we think about, you know, taking things personally, right? And like when I think about nothing anything else does about you, you've got to first accept that foundation that everything that we do, even if it's for someone else, is from you, right? It it originates within you, within your feelings. And it reminds me of an episode of Friends, right? The TV show from the 90s. There was this episode where Phoebe said in it that there's no such thing as a selfless act. Like not a single, like there's just not at all. And, you know, they're like, even if you do something nice for someone, it's so that you feel better about it, right? Like there's nothing that you can do that is truly self-sacrificing at the end of the day. Like we're not wired for it. And so the whole episode is like funny moments and them talking about that. But I think I agree with it. Like, you know, and and I think that that's what the core of this chapter is kind of getting around to is that like anything you do, anything someone else does is from them. It's about them in some way, even when it's not that quote unquote like classic selfishness, right? You can be selfless and it's still self, like right it there's still that part of it that is coming from who they are, how they think, how they should be showing up in the world.
SPEAKER_01:And what I love about what you're sharing here is about self-centeredness isn't selfish, and that's so very true. About this book is about the agreements that we need to make with ourselves and separate us from and around the spinning world that is happening outside of our own internal selves. I have a friend who this week had posted something on their uh social media that basically just said, you know, nobody, nobody really is for you, kind of a thing. And it was it was kind of a downer because it's clear that the underlying message must have been that this person's feelings were hurt by one person, because it's not that nobody is for you, but somebody probably wasn't for them in that instant of something, maybe a one instance or a repeated instance or something like that. And so it made me think about how destructive the power of words can be, and also how powerful in a good way the power of words can be. There's this song, I don't remember if we talked about it in one of our episodes. I feel like we did. And so if it's a repeat, sorry for the listeners, and if it's a repeat and you haven't heard this song yet, go find it. It's this song by Hawk Nelson, and the lyrics of the song, uh, I think the song is actually entitled Words. And the lyrics say words can lift you up or words can tear you down. They can um, they can start a fire or uh burn one out, basically. And so it depends on the words that other people say to you and the words that we say to ourselves, and it is, it was from last week, right? Because being impeccable with your word. And this chapter kind of just takes it that one step further. Is what are people saying to you that then you believe that are not true? And this really, Sam, for me, is the heart of where our brain and neuroscience and neural pathways is so extraordinarily fascinating to me because emotional and mental trauma coming from other people can affect you in a physical way, not just a mental way, that you can see in a lot of different research. And it goes into the book talking about how if you believe what somebody says about you, it's like drinking poison. And Sam, I like I am I am over a half of a century old, and over a half a century ago, I was in kindergarten and Mrs. Washington was my teacher. Now I don't remember every single teacher's names, but I can remember the very best and the very not best. And Mrs. Washington was in the second category, and I remember that there was a time and I just wanted to be like everybody wants to be the leader and follow the leader, right? Everybody, not well, maybe not everybody, but I wanted to be the leader. And so she told my mom and dad, uh, Denise doesn't follow instructions, she only wants to be the leader every day, and you're gonna have to just tell her she can't always be the leader. And so when my parents told me, it was in a way in which I was in trouble, like I was in trouble for wanting to be the leader. And that stuck with me for like such a really long time because Sam, I became extremely introverted after that, very shy. I know a lot of people don't believe that that know me today, but very, very shy to the point where I wouldn't even lift my head up if I was talking with people because I felt like it was wrong to want to be the leader. And then fast forward when I moved to Florida, I was in the middle of 11th grade, very hard time. You know, when you're 15, 16 years old and you move from the place you grew up to a brand new place where you don't know anybody. And I set it into my mind then, Sam, that I was going to try to be the person that I really wanted to be because I wasn't living the life of what I wanted to be. I didn't want to be shy. I didn't want to be where I couldn't speak up for myself. And so I created like this persona of who I really wanted to be. And then that kind of transformed into who I really was. I don't want to say who I became, it was like a reawakening of who I was that I wasn't held back. But then fast forward into my adult life, into my career, there was one time I had a performance review, and at that time it was in performance reviews for like once a year instead of what they should be, which is like every day. And um, and so in this review, I sat there and I was with my manager, who was one of my most favorite leaders I've ever worked with, ever. I loved her, I respected her, I trusted her. She would hug me every day, tell me she loved me. She'd call my kids, ask them every day if they were doing their homework, and she would tell them really positive affirmations, like everything about that leader was everything you want a leader to be. Bar none, the best leader I've ever had. And on that day, we sat down and she said it with a smile on her face, Denise, you are a great starter. And then she paused and was silent. And I didn't hear you're a great starter, and that's awesome, and that's your superpower. What I heard was what she didn't say, which is you're a bad finisher. And so I put it into my mind that she was saying the agreement I made was you're a bad finisher. And so I drank poison that she didn't even give me. Like she wasn't giving me the rotten apples, she was giving me a gift, and it took me a really long time to get past what the book says is emotional garbage because that hurt me for a really long time. Because then I looked at her like she doesn't think I'm good at finishing, and she never said that. But because she was a good leader, one time I was able to go to her and say, I just need to talk with you because I trust you and that this thing hurt me. And she said to me, Sam, I never, I never intended for you to read it that way. Yeah, yeah. But if you don't communicate, then how would you know?
SPEAKER_02:That's exactly it. And he talks later in this chapter about um, you know, assumptions really being, you know, part of what uh you know hurts us. Maybe it's the next chapter. Oh no, it's the next chapter. Oh, it's all about assumptions. So we'll get into that for sure, right? Like what we assume is uh, you know, keeps us in this space. But you know, that story that you're or both of those stories that you're telling, right, is that like it it speaks to that magic that he talks about from the last chapter, right? Like our words can put a spell on somebody else. I mean, especially when we're little, right? Because when we're little, we the only thing we have in life are the adults, right? We're so dependent on the adults, and so anything that they tell us immediately is an agreement because we don't know any better, right? And then it takes our as we grow and those awakenings that you like, right? That awakening that you went through to realize, and I I do this, I deal with this all the time with like people in the mid-career. Like, I feel like as you there's phases that you hit in life. Somebody said um, it was at our retreat last uh two years ago now at this point. Uh, we were wrapping up for the day, and somebody said, you know, I feel like life goes in cycles of like seven years. And I sat there and I thought about it, and I was like, I was thinking about myself at seven and at 14 and at 21 and at 28. And I was like, oh, that like that hits for me, right? But I think we hit these cycles of awakenings, right? Where we come into ourselves and like teenage years are definitely, definitely one of them, right? We're breaking away from, hey, everything an adult tells me becomes an agreement to is it right? This isn't what I want, right? And I think we do the same thing like in our careers a couple of times, but especially I feel like is I see a lot when people are hitting, like, I don't know, in their like late 30s, 40s, you know, kind of depending on what your career's been like and how long you've spent at places, but like you kind of get into that like 40 range, right? And like in your 40s, you're like, oh, like, is this? And then I, you know, I think I think you do think that a couple of times, but it's that awakening moment of like, are these agreements the agreements that I want? Right. The spell that's been cast over me, is it black magic or is it good, like you know, light magic, right? Is it darker light here? Is it happier, you know, is it good or bad for me? And and I think that this chapter takes this one step farther, right? It takes it to the point of you've got to get to the point where whatever spell someone tries to cast over you with their words, it doesn't affect you. And he talks about this like positively and negatively, right? If somebody says, Oh my gosh, you're so amazing, you're so nice, you're just the kindest person I've ever met, we want to take that in and be like, Yes, I am. Thank you so much. I feel so good, you know, and and we make that agreement with ourselves when we like what we hear. And we also make the agreement when somebody's like, oh, you are a loser, I hate you, you're terrible, right? We take this in. And what he's saying is like, if you really want to get to right, this is all about personal freedom. You can't take either of those things or anything in between personally. What someone else is saying is about them, not about you. It's their perspective, their space, their dream that they're living. And it has nothing to do with you whatsoever. And it reminds me of uh Taylor Swift just did a like a couple months ago, weeks ago, I don't remember at this point, uh, you know, was on the New Heights podcast with, you know, with the Kelsey brothers. And she said, you know, like what people say about me is none of my business. And that's what this is, right? It's that it's none of my business what somebody says or thinks about me at all because it doesn't affect like it's that inner citadel that we talked about in the lat in two books ago, like you know, the uh the obstacles away. The stoics say you have to build up this inner citadel that no one can penetrate. And that's really to me what this is.
SPEAKER_01:So, how do you interpret the next piece of this where he says, even the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true? Therefore, you don't need to take whatever you hear in your own mind personally, because this is an interesting one. This is talking about how you untether from your own self. And I can't remember what book it was that we read together, Sam, but it was something about how you have like 95,000 thoughts an hour or something like that that go through your mind. So, which ones of those are your ego? Which ones of those are your foes? Which ones of those are just the mistruths that were built from your belief system, that were built from your childhood, like you said? How do you untether yourself to know? Well, then what is true? Because if it's saying that the opinions you have about yourself are not necessarily true, and if we're trying to say there really is no such thing as good or bad, then what is?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and I think that that goes back. I think the answer to that is in the introduction of this book, that story about the smoky mirror and this like revelation that you know, 3,000 years ago a human had, and it's that, you know, he like the quote from the book is he saw himself in everything in every human and every animal and every tree and every water and every rain, right? He saw that life mixed with the tonal and the nogal in different ways create billions of manifestations of life. And so I think that at the core of it is that you are not any of the things that you think, you are not any of the things that anyone thinks. You are life. You are light, you are good, you are all of the best, you are love, right? You are everything that is great about existing in this plane or any other. And that's all it is. Like it's that simple. Like I am, I am like I am, right? Like it just like that's the full sentence. And I think that all the rest of it, right? We cling so hard to identity and to you know, all of that. And I think that this is a release. This, like, not taking anything personally, someone else says, you say, is a release of identity, is a release of all of those things that you could be. And it's it and it reminds me of um the solve for happy, right? Like you are not the driver, you're the observer of the driver, right? It's that it's putting that space between all those thoughts, all those things, all the words that come at you, and you as yourself. You just are, and what you are is life, and so then it doesn't matter, nothing can penetrate that is really like the aim here, I think.
SPEAKER_01:I love how you're describing that. It's about a choice at the end of the day. This is a choice to have these agreements with yourself. You can choose, and in this agreement, the author says, We're naturally wired for human suffering, we're addicted to it, we're addicted to suffering, but that's nothing more than just an agreement that we reinforce with ourselves every day. And so if you can trust yourself and choose to believe or not believe what you're saying to yourself, I love the description, the way he he writes about it. He says, Have you ever been somewhere where it's like a really busy marketplace and everybody's talking all at the same time? And this happened to me this past weekend. We went out to dinner for Olivia's birthday, and we were at this restaurant that she picked. She was so excited to go to. And we got to the restaurant and it was really crowded because it was a place everybody wanted to go to. And we were seated at a table right next to a party of like 20. And everybody at that table was not only talking, but they were talking really loudly, all to each other, all at the same time, plus other tables around that table. And in that moment, Sam, I was like really not having a good experience because I wanted to have quality time with the person I wanted to talk with, my daughter, and not have to scream across a table. So we ended up asking the server if we could be moved. And he first came in the first visit to the table. He said, you know, we're really busy today. We're sold out on our reservations. And we gently described why we asked to be moved. And so I think this is also going back to how you communicate with other people, is we said, you know, it's very loud and we know they're having fun, but we want to have fun too. And so the guy ended up moving us to the most perfect place in the entire restaurant outside, which I love to sit outside, and the weather was gorgeous. And so we were outside and there was nice light music playing, and the weather was perfect, and there weren't barely many people outside. And we had a smaller table where we could be closer to where we were with each other, and we ended up having the two best servers, I think they probably have in the restaurant. Now, is that true? Maybe it just was because our experience was good that we thought that these servers were like the best, right? So, in that in that moment, it was that we were treated with kindness, but it was also because we treated them with kindness, because we weren't in a place we wanted to be. And that should be the same thing that we deal with in our personal or professional lives, right? If you're in a place you don't really want to be, whether it's in a situation or actually in your real job or around people, and you can't find your way out, you're choosing to stay stuck. And as hard as that is to say, it's it is a choice, right? Like you can choose to stay stuck there. I've had clients we've talked about on the show where they chose to stay stuck and they are miserable and became unhealthy physically because of it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It's hard to I think we forget that, right? We forget that everything we're doing is a choice at the end of the day, right? And we we also choose what we cling to, right? Are we clinging to the thing that feels somewhat safe, right? I was talking with um two coaches at the moment. I was talking with one of my coaches uh on Monday. And, you know, I was talking about the clients that I help. Like I help people who are in a transitional moment, right? They are in one situation and want to be in a different situation. They're in one job, they want to be in a different job and or career or whatever. And um, we were talking about how people want stability more than they want the thing that they want most of the time, right? We cling to the safe, stable thing because making a move feels hard, difficult, right, scary, right? It's fear at the end of the day, fear of what what is on the what is in the other pasture, that sign of a thing. Uh, and you know, I think that we forget that everything we're doing is a choice. Staying is a choice, going is a choice, right? Clinging to an identity is a choice, and clinging to these thoughts and ideas that we have about ourselves is a choice, right? I it's funny, I've I've kept the diary as long as I can remember. Like I have one from like fifth grade where it's like, I love Robert. And then the next one is like, I do not like Robert anymore, right? And it's all spelled wrong. I got my birthday wrong, and I was like, My birthday is May 5th, which it is not. You know, so like I've had, but I've had I've had journals and diaries my whole life, and I have them all, or at least the ones that I was keeping up regularly. And there was one entry when I turned 20, right? Like this is as weird of a person as I am. I'm like ultra reflective and like a little, I don't know, like existential at all times. Like I have been kind of my whole life. I don't know, I'm a weird, weird person, I guess, in that space. But I when I was 20 and I was like, I've been, yeah, it's two decades. It feels like a marker, right? To me. It feels like whatever. And I my entry in my journal is this list of all the things that I had been to that point. It's like at this point, I have been, and it listed like, you know, every role I had played, essentially, any piece of identity that I have. And it's one of those things that I think about all the time, especially now in the work that I do, is you know, we want that stability of the identity of who we are, right? And the things that people are telling us, good or bad, right? And we take it all personally and we write it onto the fabric of who we are, instead of embracing the fact that our identity is transitional throughout our entire lives, right? Just because you're one thing today doesn't mean you will want to be that same thing tomorrow or a year from now, or especially 10 years from now, right? Like the goal shouldn't be, you know, clinging to all these thoughts, clinging to all this stuff that we take personal. It should be, like I said, this release of any of that so that you can exist and play and like just have this life that is so much better. And it gives you all the space to write whatever story you want. And to me, like that's ultimate power, that's ultimate control over your life is like releasing all of that and saying, Hey, today, like this year, I am a career coach. Five years from now, who knows what I'll be? But I'm gonna like go on the journey and figure it out and like not hold it to, you know, not hold anything too closely.
SPEAKER_01:What's so important about what you just said, Sam, is you said this year I'm a career coach, and five years from now, maybe I won't be. If you really did sit for a moment and reflect on where you were five years ago, this was not on your horizon. It wasn't on your bingo card. No, and yet there you are. And because something happened, and I often say to people, things don't happen to you, they happen in and through you. That incident that happened that displaced us from our job opened up an avenue, a pathway, and a doorway, not only for you to create this wonderful company that you have with Lead the Game, but you've impacted the lives of many, many people that potentially you can't say for sure or not, but potentially you wouldn't have impacted because you wouldn't be doing the work that you're really doing. You would have been doing it in a little different way, maybe. But I think that though those things that happened in through and to us are what make this special signature story, like you were mentioning with our retreat called your signature story. And if you can, if you can do this one thing that he says at the end of this chapter, write on a pe piece of paper. You're gonna write this agreement to yourself and put it on your refrigerator or put it on your computer or put it wherever it's in front of your face, that you don't take anything personally. I wonder how different your day will be. I'm gonna tell you, I'm writing it on a post-it note today because I'm gonna take it with me since I'm not going to be home for part of my day today, so that I can remind myself not to take things personally, especially when they feel very personal. And it goes on to say, why is this true? Is because you're only needing to trust yourself for your choices, your impeccable word, your goings and comings. You are never responsible for the actions of others, you're only responsible for you. And so I wrote at the end of the chapter, and the I guess to close out my thoughts for today, is I put some three bullets and I put follow your heart, be conscious of your words, and focus on you and don't take things that people say or do personal. Otherwise, you sit where he says in the middle of hell, and you still can, and if you are sitting in the middle of hell and not do these agreements, then you won't experience inner peace and happiness.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and I think that that's true. We create so much of our own misery by uh taking in these agreements of what other people say, right? When it's not what and and the truth, the reckoning you have to come around to is that it is not about you. There is not a single thing that someone has said that's not about them, right? It's not their projection. And like we see this all the time. We've we've talked about this in the past, right? When people are like, oh, I wouldn't do that. Oh, like any of that advice, like anytime you give advice, it's not about the other person, it's about you, right? It's that thought process that you have to cling to and you have to, like I said, burn it onto your soul that it is not personal. And you've got to really like to me, it feels like a release. It feels like a total letting go of any of that. And there's so much happiness in that thing. We spent a year studying happiness, and I think that this is one of those fundamental pieces of that is you don't take it personally, you just let it go.
SPEAKER_01:100%. It's gonna be very important to remember that for next week because next week is about not making assumptions. So let's let's assume I mean, probably pun intended, but assume that somebody says something to you that that hurts you if you don't take it personally. Personally, then you also can't assume why did the person do what they did or what their background is because you don't know. You're the only person that was born the way you were born and will die alone when you die. And I don't mean that in a way like you'll die in your house alone. Hopefully you won't, but you know what I mean? Like you don't know all the makeup of what made the person that said whatever they said to you. So how can you assume that in the moment they said something, in that specific day, at that specific moment, at that specific time, they weren't going through something else? And because they don't know about being impeccable with your word, and they don't know about this piece of really sitting with yourself to not make these judgments against yourself. How do you really then not be able to move past that if you could separate yourself? One of my most favorite coaching um uh exercises is this exercise where you uh ask your client to imagine that they bring like their favorite board of directors to the table. And essentially it's about a decision that they want to make. Maybe they want um a better career, they want to get a promotion, maybe they want to change their career, or maybe they're struggling with a project that they're working on and they're just trying to get the opinions of others, even though we're saying that you shouldn't necessarily uh take anything personal, but we do we take the things other people we respect and trust personally. So in this exercise, you invite these people into your space that aren't actually there because you're kind of dreaming about what they would say. And one of the things you do in the exercise is like if I invited you to the table, and you probably would be somebody I would invite to my table. And so the coach would the coach would say, All right, Sam is sitting in front of you. Imagine it in your mind, because whatever you think in your mind, your brain doesn't know the the reality between uh re of uh fact, fiction, real life, dream life. It just doesn't, it's just processing thinking. And so I would the coach would say, Imagine you're sitting in a room with Sam and you told her this thing that you're going through and experiencing. What do you think she would say to you? And then the person sits there for a minute and says, I know exactly what Sam would say to me. She would say, you know, pick yourself up and lead the game and stop making assumptions and don't take things personally and be happy. And and then you sit there and you're like, okay, that's what my friend would say. And I respect her. So why don't I respect myself enough to say those things, same things to myself? And so at the end of that exercise, then the coach reflects back and says, Okay, if that person said that about you and they care about you, how much more do you care about yourself? And will you do those things? And do you believe it? Do you believe you can do those things? And almost every time that I've ever done that exercise, Sam with somebody, at the end of the session, the person feels better, thinks more clearly, and can take more tangible, actionable steps towards the thing they want to do because they had to clear the clutter of that big marketplace of noise.
SPEAKER_02:Right. They were taking their own thoughts too personally, right? And like uh, where are they stuck? What can't they do? When in reality you've got to, you know, you gotta step, you gotta release all that, right? And then find that space of like, oh, there is possibility. And something you said in that reminded me of something somebody told me in an interview. I always used to ask this question when I interviewed people of how do you personally handle stress? Because I was hiring for a job that was stressful, right? People are coming at you, they're yelling at you, there's problems, there's all sorts of stuff. And so inevitably you're gonna be super stressed and be like, I can't handle this. And so I always asked, How do you, when things get really stressful? Because that will happen here, how do you bring yourself back down to baseline? I wanted to know that the person had skills before they stepped onto the team. And it's funny, those are like some of the answers I remember. Like, I've interviewed hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people and sat through a million rounds of interviews. And uh one of one of the answers to that was I take everything, like I take all of work seriously, but not personally. And I think that that's like when you were just explaining that, that's the line that went through my head of yeah, like I'll I still will take feedback from people. I'll still think about what you say, but I'm not gonna take it, I'm not gonna make the agreement that that is truth and is, you know, whatever, right? It's that again, it's that inner citadel, it's that block between the words and the magic that you're saying to me, good or bad magic. And it doesn't get written into the DNA of who I am. It becomes a thought that I'm allowed to think on and take seriously, but not personally.
SPEAKER_01:I love that. I love that. Well, next week we're gonna talk about not making assumptions. It's the third of four agreements. This is a short book. Zach will have in the show notes ways for you to get access to the book, as well as for you to communicate directly with us because it always helps us to hear as well. How are you living out loud these things that we're sharing with you that we are? This is just kind of like we said before, Sam. You and I are sitting here having kind of coffee time with each other and just sharing our stories with each other in the hopes that it's resonating with others as well. So for this week, my name is Denise Russo, and on behalf of my good friend Sam Powell, this has been another episode of What's on Your Bookshelf, and I'm gonna be able to do that.